Memoir

Way Back When.

In Memory of Jesse Robert Young - Nov. 30 1998 - Nov. 26 2009

It was a regular day in 5th grade, regular up until this point. I had finally worked up the courage to tell him how I feel, after five years of friendship I'm finally ready to break the wall holding all my words in. I dragged him away from his friends during recess and brought him to an abandoned corner of the black top, he hung his head, kicking a rock under his feet somehow sensing what I was about admit. "I like you," I stated bluntly "I like like you." That's child speak for 'I want to be more than friends'. His response? Silence. "What do you have to say?" I questioned, wanting an answer. He just shrugged keeping his head bowed. I sighed out a simple "Okay." and walked back to my friends on the playscape

My father and I were in the car on the way to a hockey game. The Wolfpack was playing that night and we were going to watch for the upteenth time that month. My mother then called my father instructing him to pull over because she had some bad news, very bad news. I looked over at my father, his lips were parted in shock, tears filled his eyes. I could tell then that nothing good could have come from that call. "You know your friend Jesse?" He started still having the phone pressed to his ear as I nodded "He um... he passed away on Thanksgiving." My heart immediately sank, my heart pounded in my ears as my small lips mumbled the word "What?" My eyes swelled with tears, my hands shook, the one person who I was friends with, my best friend, is dead.

I was over his house cuddling his cat while I was watching him play video games. Snowball was still a kitten at the time, her fur was still white and fluffy. "Why is her tail sticky?" I asked over the shooting sound coming from the television

"What?" he replied back with a question

"Her tail, why is it sticky?"

"Oh! This morning I fed her some waffles and her tail got in the syrup. I could only reply with a small scoff of disbelief. The kitten looked at me with an expression of 'I don't believe it either, but the waffles were good' as I chuckled pulling her round face in for a kiss.

We were sitting in a circle on the ground around Mrs. S whose eyes looked tired and worn, so did practically everyone's. There were tissues placed in the center of the circle in case someone's emotions took hold of their body. Mrs. S opened her mouth and spoke slowly "As most of you know," she started "One of your classmates has passed away over the break." One girl started to cry, she didn't even know him that well, not like I did. The class was completely silent for a good three minutes, everyone lost in their own thoughts. The teacher had said that we should share some happy memories we had shared with our deceased friend. One of the boys went first saying about a time they rode their bikes together and my emotional wall broke, tears fell down my cheeks as I hid my face from the class. Hands patted my back trying to ease the pain, the pain they all felt themselves.

We sat in front of his dial turned TV and watched whatever was on. It was midsummer and a Sesame Street christmas special was on, because we had nothing better to do, we watched it. We made fun of the simple learning styles that were meant for five and six year olds, not nine and ten year olds. Despite our age, we were still mesmerized by the show.

My father and I sat in the pews of the church dressed in our nicest black clothes. They were all saying things they remembered about the boy, how he was sweet and caring, which he never failed to proove. The organizer stood at the front asking if anyone of his friends wanted to go down and say a few words. One of our mutual friends stood up at the podium and stood in silence after introducing himself. This is one of the only times I have seen this boy cry, he only got a few words out before his voice hitched and tears fell down his face. I never did speak up and say some things about my friend.

Seven years later, I am now sixteen years of age. To this day, I still regret not speaking at his funeral, not reaching out to his family until it was too late. His mother passed away a few years from causes that are not in my knowledge. His father has sold their house and I can't help but feel sad whenever we pass his home, my eyes always lock onto the structure as we pass. Although I have many regrets, I do not regret making a friend that will be in my heart for the rest of my life.

Dear Jesse,

These are the words I wanted to speak that day of your funeral but I was too scared to cry in front of our friends and your family. I wanted to say that you are the best thing that has ever happened to me. From the one day we became friends in kindergarten that I can't even remember, to the last time I said goodbye and you couldn't hear me. If I had known I would never see you again, I would have given you the tightest hug my body could give, I would have never let you go. I bet if any of us knew what would happened, we would have never let you eat turkey on thanksgiving, no one wanted to let you go. I want to give my most sincere regards to your family, I want to tell them that i'm sorry for their loss, but no amount of words could fix the hole in their heart, nothing can fix the hole in mine. Tell your mom I say 'hello', I'll tell your dad you two say 'I love you'

From Friend to Friend,

Tabatha K.