Save Me

43

"August --"

"Nah ion wanna hear it, this why ion trust females nah. This why the fuck I don't love nobody cause bitches think they can fuck ova a nigga once he show them he care, I fuckin care and you left me Justine. Ion care how selfish I sound but fuck being on yo own I need you right now.

Nobody Eva loved me like you and I ain't perfect you know that shit Jay, but I'm tryin' yeah I fucked up and ion know how many times I can say that I'm sorry, but I promise you I'll do err'thing in my power to prove it.. shit you know how my life is, I ain't never had a good woman on my side until I met you so I just don't know how to express that I love you Jay, show me how to be the man you want me to be but please just let me in. Let me be there for you.

I just wanna be yo man baybeh, I want you to be able to trust me with your life and know that I won't fuck you over"

after pouring his heart out to me for the second time I just kind of took his words in.

It was strange how he could go from being hurt and sad over the fact that I lied to him to confessing his love and how much he wanted to be with me.

All I knew was he was good at making me out to be in the wrong.
He had me stuck in between a rock and a hard place.

I honestly did not know what to do.

I wanted all that he could give me, but I found myself at piece when I was on my own. I didn't have a relationship so I didn't always have to worry about what he was doing or who he was doing and I have everything that I need so I was in sort of a good place. Even though it hasn't lasted that long, I was enjoying being free.

"August will you let me explain... please" I said staring directly in his eyes. He licked his lips and nodded.

"Well, for starters at first I didn't trust you with that and I'm sorry because you're right I should have told you. But it's not that I thought you'd judge me, I hadn't told anyone about her because of Angel. I was hiding her from him and everyone else. Her life is in danger and I don't trust anyone when it comes down to her, I already made the mistake of trusting Janelle so thanks for making me out to be the bad guy in all of this when all I've been trying to do is protect my daughter!" I yelled, I was out of breath by the time I finished talkin.

"Justine I ain't know--" he sighed while coming up to me. I took a step back and put my hand up.

"I guess so August, you're so quick to go off and flip the script on me without even hearing what I have to say, just because you wear your heart on your sleeve and people take advantage of that doesn't mean I will! You said it yourself, I'm just like you so why the fuck would I wanna do you like that huh? If I tell you something that isn't true, odds are it's for a good reason. You of all people know my deepest darkest secrets, I've poured my heart out to you yet you continue to doubt me. This is why we are bad for each other. Two people with issues as deep as ours would never work, I have too much on my plate to be even standing here yelling at you like this.. " I said the last part in a whisper while looking down shaking my head. I began to feel dizzy as I grabbed my stomach and stumbled to the sofa.

He was at my side immediately, even after I went off on him like that.

"You good?" He asked. I nodded and leaned my head back while he stood up and walked towards the kitchen.

A few seconds later he returned with a glass of water. I smiled weakly as a thank you while gulping down the water.

"Aye I'm sorry iight. You right about everything but ion be meanin the shit I do, I just --" he deeply exhaled while rubbing his hands down his face.