"This is Misty Gish reporting to you live from the River Thames, where the body of an unidentified man was washed ashore about two hours ago. There seems to be no apparent foul-play at this time, but signs of a struggle were detected on the body. Stay tuned for further information as this story unfolds. For now, back to you, Sandy."
"Thank you, Misty. Earlier this week problems were reported surrounding the stunted growth of radishes—"
Carl the cook muted the TV, grumbling inaudibly to himself as he tossed the remote aside and picked up another glass to clean. Fern the waitress, however, turned her face away from the TV and shoved her tongue hard into the inside of her cheek.
ONE MONTH EARLIER
"I'm honestly so tired of this," Zooey moped, dramatically flinging herself into the couch. "You've stayed in for like four weekends straight. That's not healthy."
"It's perfectly healthy," Fern said, scrolling through her DVR in search of something decent to watch. "Not everyone has to go out every night in order to be fulfilled."
"Come on, Fern," Zooey said, using her feet to nudge her friend, who absolutely would not move. "You need to get laid and I'm in the mood for sleazy guys to buy me drinks and tell me how pretty I am."
"No I do not and you literally do that for a living," Fern pointed out flatly. Zooey was a bartender, and even when she wasn't working the overnight shifts, she wanted to go out and bar hop instead. She claimed it was to keep her internal clock on schedule, but Fern wasn't entirely convinced that Zooey ever slept.
"Yes, but it's only fun when you're with me," Zooey pouted. "And tonight it Ladies Night at Beaux; girls get in free and all food and drinks are half off."
Fern, who hadn't taken off her makeup since coming home from work an hour and a half ago, considered this. That is, until she realized where Beaux was. "I don't feel like going to London," she said, sinking further into the couch. "My roommate is with her boyfriend this weekend, I've already taken my bra off, and I have like six episodes of The Great British Bake Off recorded. And I haven't played Boggle since lunchtime."
"Okay, your Boggle obsession is actually unhealthy."
"I'm exercising my mind."
Zooey leaned backwards over the arm of the couch, groaning loudly. "I'll pay for all of your drinks tonight if you go. And I won't make you go out for the next month."
"If you I go will it make you shut up?" Fern asked with a sigh.
Zooey popped back up suddenly, her box braids whipping Fern. "Yes," she squeaked.
"Make it two months and you've got yourself a deal."
Zooey hugged Fern tightly before pulling away to examine her. "You're gonna brush your hair first though, right?"
---
"So, I'm in the backseat crying, Louis is doing 80 in a 30 and says we have to return the panda to the zoo, he crashes straight through a police blockade, and then the brakes go out...needless to say, it was an eventful Tuesday."
"Liam, shut up," Louis hissed, hiding his frown in the lip of his beer bottle.
Niall, as always, stared back, expressionless.
"I think that cop you hit had a family," Liam considered thoughtfully. "I saw something about it on the news."
"Liam!" Louis snapped.
"Well, at least we made it in time for Pilates," Liam continued. "Veronica would've killed us if we missed another one of her classes."
"I'll get us another round of drinks," Louis said suddenly, taking Liam's beer just as the younger man was about to take a sip. He placed the bottles on an unsuspecting waiter's tray and made his way to the front of the bar; Liam and Niall followed him like he was their mother duck.
