Grandma's Rules

2. Carrie

I sit at the table, it's really late. I've got an essay due in like six hours and I have half a paragraph.

We should've sent Sarah to school, not me. She wouldn't be struggling to pass classes. Sarah is easily the smartest person I've ever met. She's convinced I'm smarter than I let on but I'm really not. We both know the only reason I got into any school was because I can throw a ball.

I'm the star pitcher for our baseball team and one of the best runners on our rugby team. I didn't get a full scholarship but a partial scholarship is better than no scholarship. I'm really good at sports but I'm so dumb, I should be fucking blonde!

Miss Betty keeps telling us about her grandson that are coming down. That's just more people around to see me struggle. Like she's convinced that they'll love us and we'll love them, they'll love Sarah.

I'm pretty jealous of Sarah. For starters she's pretty like our mom. She's smart and nice and everyone loves her. I know that she cares about me a lot but I don't know if she sees all that's there. I don't think she sees how much losing our mother and our father not wanting us hurts me.

She doesn't see how much I wanted into NYU and UCLA, when I got the letters saying that I didn't make the cut I left for three days. I didn't go far, I mean I was just at a friend's house but I couldn't face anyone. I was a failure, I bawled like a little bitch when I didn't get in. I love Miss Betty and I love my sister but I crave all that a big city can offer.

I always think about what Sarah's life would've ended up if she didn't have me dragging her down. Hell, she would've been married with a kid with a great job. Sarah Lee St. Louis deserves a great life and a great guy. I feel like shit because I feel like I drag her down. Sarah will deny it until the day she dies though.

Someone walks down the stairs behind me and I look back to see Sarah coming down the stairs wrapped in her robe. I look down at my oversized Van Halen shirt and cotton shorts before turning back to my essay.

"Care Bear, it's late you should be asleep." She yawns as she pulls the jug of milk from the fridge. "What are you doing, Carrie."

"Essay on World War I, I can't remember shit." I admit and she laughs.

"Sure you do, Canada declared war in 1914. Remember?" Sarah asks and I make a face.

"Canada never declared war, they just kinda brought in through Britain." I say. "Idiot." I mumble and she laughs.

"Told you that you remembered." Sarah says and ruffles my hair. "Goodnight Kiddo."

"Goodnight." I say as she walks back upstairs.

I spend the next hour or so working on my essay. I finish it and go back upstairs to my room.

Red walls with band posters plastered all over my walls. I crawl underneath my black covers and snuggle into my pillows. Let's just pray the essay is good enough for a pass.