Hidden secrets

Grenade

Nat's pov
I stare, stare at the nothingness outside my window as it rushes past, as all the beauty and nature disappears out of my view, as everything good leaves and now all I can see is emptiness just nothing but my own reflection, but I don't see me, I see a monster, a demon, everything that's wrong with this world and its staring right back at me. All I can think about is Clint, his safety how it's all my fault, he wouldn't be in this position if it wasn't for me, and I hate myself for it, I'm constantly putting the people around me in danger, I'm grenade waiting to go off, waiting till there's everyone around me and then I blow, hurting everyone with the explosion and the aftermath
"What ya think" Steve asks, but I was so occupied in my own thoughts I barley heard it
"Nat!" I heard that
"Huh what?" I asked
"I said what do you think of this place?" He says whilst pointing to the motel in front of us
"It's crappy" I say "so it's perfect" I add with a grin, he looks at me and smiles.
He gets out the car and rushes to my side, he insists on helping me out and even though I refuse he stills helps me anyway
"Ouch" I say whilst he helps me out the car, I grab my shoulder and feel the hot, red, scarlet liquid on my finger tips, I look at him and give him a cheesy smile but he just looks at me in worry
"I'm sure it's fine" I reassure but It doesn't seem to work on him
"Come on I've already booked our room, lets get you inside and sort that shoulder out" he says sternly whilst helping me there
"Room 21b hmm" I say whilst walking into the room
"What a dump" I say whilst looking back at Steve to see him smiling
"You really know how to pick a place Rogers" I say with a laugh causing him to chuckle
"Don't I" he replies with a laugh, I sit down on the bed to test the comfiness   and watch as dust flies out
"Lovely" I add whilst watching the dust fly about the room
"Right well since your sitting down lets sort out that shoulder" he says whilst holding a needle, thread and gauze 
"Later" I say like a child not wanting to do homework
"Now" he says sternly
"Huh fine" I say whilst gently pulling my shirt down showing the wound, and it was not pretty, I wince as I look at it
"Gross" I whisper under my breathe
"Right the stitches have come out so I'm gonna have to sew it up myself, then we'll put some gauze and  bandages on top so hopefully it shouldn't take long" he instructs while kneeling down to my level, I smile at him to show I agree and that I'm ready
"Before I start do you uh you know want anything for the pain?" He says whilst holding the needle inches away from my shoulder
"Together" I say whilst holding his hand and pushing it toward my cut, I feel the pinch of the needle as it grabs my skin, I wince at the pain and let Steve finish the rest as I can't, I feel like passing out but know I can't, i must hold on I can't be weak, weakness is for losers, strength is for winners and I am a winner at least that's what they taught me in the red room
"You ok?" He asks
"Yep just dandy" I say whilst scrunching my eyes together from the pain
"We can stop you know"
"No carry on finish it" I simply say
"Are you su-"
"Yes now come on"
I ball my hand into a fist feeling the need to punch something, people say pain makes you weaker, that is true but for me it also makes me angrier it makes me feel the need to let out that anger, but I can't not now I'll save it for tomorrow on yelena
"Okay all-- done, good as new" he says with a smile
"I sure as hell don't fell like it" I say whilst pulling my shirt back up
"You should get some rest" he says
"No I don't need it"
"Yes you do, go on"
"Stev-"
"I said go on get some rest I'm not leaving this spot until you do"
I huff and give him a look
"Fine whatever dad"
I say whilst lying down onto what feels like a dust cloud
"Good night" I say
"Good night, oh and if you need me I'm on the couch" he says with a smile
"Wait" I say "if you want, you can have you know half of the bed, I'll sleep one side you sleep the other" I say with my pleading eyes, men are always suckers for the eyes. He debates for a minute before actually agreeing
"Yeah the couch is probably not even that comfy anyway"
"Yeah" I say whilst patting the other side of the bed, he reluctantly lies down on the other side, I look at him and smile god look at those perfect blue eyes, eyes that can turn you good within the second and that smile so good and innocent, but the truth is the only reason I wanted him by my side is this is the last  time I get to see him because after tomorrow that's it, my new better life of being an avenger, being in a family is gone, and the old one returns the painful short life returns and I soon fall asleep on this thought that my life is soon going to be gone and that I'm gonna be walking straight into hell.

A/N sorry for the late update I've been really busy studying for my exams that are coming up soon but anyway hope you like sorry it was boring but I had to put it in, anyway as always please vote, comment, follow thanks -shield135 x