How did I get here?

Jacks P.O.V

I pry my eyes open. Light is flooding into the room through the window. It's a beautiful day outside but I feel like crap. I turn away from the window and I'm greeted to an empty bed. I forgot again.

It's been 5 days since Mark died and the pain is still overwhelming. It should be getting easier but it seems that every morning makes it harder to get out of bed than the last.

I squint at the clock on the bedside table. 10:42. I don't want to get up but I have to. I want to crawl between the sheets and stay there forever. I Finally drag myself out of bed and lumber through to the kitchen. I'm only wearing my boxers and I have the sheet wrapped round me but I'm past caring. I flick the kettle on and sort out a cup of coffee. While I wait for the kettle to finish boiling I pour myself a bowl of cereal. I pour my coffee and sip it. I sit and eat my cereal and drink my coffee.

Once I finish my breakfast I head to the bathroom. I strip my clothes off and jump in the shower. I wash my hair and my body then I just stand there. I start to sob as I think about all the time I spent with Mark and how much I took it for granted. I stand under the water. I place my head against the wall. I cry all the tears I can as the burning hot water runs down my back. I finally get out the shower and even though the water has stopped running my tears haven't. I wrap a towel round my waist and walk through to what was once Mark and I's bedroom. There is really no point in getting dressed as I never go out. I shove on a pair of pyjama bottoms and grab a jumper. It wasn't until I put the jumper on that I realised that it was Marks.

I saunter through to the living room and sit on the sofa. I switch on the T.V. And flip through the channels and I stop when I see South Park. I clutch marks jumper and hold it to my face. I breath in the smell. I try to remember him. His smile, his laugh, the way he would run his fingers through his messy pink hair. He was perfect in so many ways but now he was gone. I could feel my eyes stinging, starting to fill with tears. I wiped my eyes and got up from the sofa. I walk to the kitchen and look through the cupboards. I grab some cookies and return to the couch.

For hours I sit and watch old episodes of South Park and eat cookies. Overwhelmed in my own sadness I never do anything anymore. I've given up on everything. My YouTube channel. my appearance. Myself.

How did I get here?