All To Myself [one direction]

Chapter 15

I sighed and fell back into my mattress as I thought of the way I handled the situation. Why must I cry for everything? I thought to myself. I'm so stupid.

After a while of beating myself up, I sat up and leaned forward to get my phone. My heart began to quicken and I felt a sting of electricity as I held the phone in my hands. I saw the call history and indeed saw the number recorded on there. 

But, as I hovered over the number -a voice in my head telling me to press the green button immidiately- I heard my bedroom door creak open and saw mother standing there, her night robe hugging her frame.

"Darling, are you all right?" Her voice was sweet like honey, as she approched me and sat beside me.

I quickly put the phone away from her sight, and nodded nonchalantly.

"Dion, I know that face. Did you and Monroe have a fallout?" Her warm index finger, tilted my chin upwards as my auborn eyes rested on hers. Like a mirror, I saw my reflection against her orbs and I knew my mum could see I was lying.

"She called him without my permission," I found myself saying and didn't linger before I had vented my anger with her, and just like usual, tears had soon began to snake down my reddened cheeks.

I saw my mum shake her head and then muffle in a laugh.

"What's so funny?" I said quite irritated that she wasn't sympathising with me.

"Monroe can be quite the character," she said with a broad smile, "but honey, you have every reason to get angry. I can see where Monroe was coming from, to be honest, I frankly would have done the same thing-"

"Mum!"

"It's true! Besides, it's not like you were going to call Zayn yourself now were you?"

"I can't believe this," I crossed my arms frustrated, "you're just like Monroe..."

"Were you?" Mum repeated and held my chin in between her thumb and forefinger.

"Of course..." I shifted my eyes as my voice decieved me. "That's not the point-"

"I think you ought to rest, honey." She leaned forward and pecked a kiss on my forehead before standing up. "You're braver than you make yourself believe. Live a little, I know you want to." And with that, mum winked at me and left my bedroom, closing the door gently behind her.

You're braver than you make yourself believe.

"Maybe I am." I said aloud as I brought the phone back into my hands.

I found that my hands were slightly shaky, but I decided I needed to be brave. What did I have to lose? Your dignity, my thoughts began to fire at me.

You're braver than you make yourself believe.

"Sod it," and I clicked the green button and brought the phone over my right ear.

I could feel a lump in my throat begin to form, and my hands begin to sweat.

Beep. Beep. Beep.

I wanted to hang up. My stomach began to flip uncomfortably and I felt as though I wanted to trhow up. Live a little, my mother's words echoed in my head and I wanted no more than to be swallowed up by a black hole. If to live a little, caused such hysteria in my body then I think I would pass.

The beeping dragged for what felt hours, but I couldn't bring myself to hang up. I know you want to, is all I could muster to remember as my head became cloudy. Indeed I want to somewhat hear Zayn's voice. I felt awful for what I did to him, and made him feel. He didn't deserve this, he certainly didn't deserve me. But a voice inside me, kept tugging at the hope that maybe I did deserve him. Monroe herself had said that to me; but, just as I began to give myself some words of encouragement, the other line stopped and a voice sweeped into my ear.

"Hello?" I could hear his breath against the speaker as he waited for me to answer back.

I couldn't. I suddenly felt dizzy, and my room began to spin. My hands were shaking and I had to bring my other hand to support my phone from falling.

"Dion?" Zayn's voice muttering my name made my heart skip a beat, and I certainly couldn't bring myself to answer.

I cowered and did what I thought best. I hung up.

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So sorry for the incredibly late upload, and I know it may be quite short but I just wanted to upload something. I promise I will update more regularly now, and I hope you guys stick with me.

Also I want to dedicate this chapter to RidingLife because she's awesome, and her comments on my previous chapters truly made me smile. I know she's one of the people that have stuck with me throughout this story, and I just want to thank her. Also, her story is amazeballs and hilaaaaaarioous so ya'll need to check it out!