Letting Him Go

Lies

My hands were trembling as I dialed his number. I wasn't sure of what I was going to ask him or what I should really say.

I wanted to trust him. I wanted to trust the 'US'.

That the familiar green eyed brown-haired guy who was busy snogging a Blonde Bombshell was not my boyfriend for 3 years. That somehow,it turned out that Ethan had an unknown twin. That if I called Ethan, he would tell me that he was at work doing his shift just like what he told me. Not here at the Diner doing another girl.

But my hopes crumbled when I saw the guy stopped snogging the Blonde and picked up his phone while walking away from her.

My heart felt heavy and I felt like it was literally breaking to pieces as I heard him say over the phone,

"Hey My Princess, what's up?"

I swallowed the sob that was about to escape me then I took a deep breath then said in the most steady voice that I could muster,

"Where are you now,Ethan?"

"I'm still here at the office. You know, I've got tons of things to organize and finish before our presentation next week. Carl is driving me nuts with his nagging!"

LIES. His office was located at the downtown area. An hour and a half drive from the Diner.

"Oh, so the name of the Blonde you were snogging earlier is Carl?" I asked as I walked towards him. I saw him froze at his tracks. He was about 5 feet away from me.

"What are you talking about?" he asked.

"Turn to your left," I answered him in the most calmed manner that I can muster. I really wanted to break down. I wanted to hit him. I wanted to hit her. But I knew that doing so would do nothing more but trouble.

He slowly turned to his left and my brown eyes met his green ones. He turned pale and was tongue-tied that all he could do was to stare at me.

"Why?" I asked softly. I did not dare to walk closer to him.

"I'm sorry," he said. He didn't dare to approach me either. He just stood there and continued staring at me.

I didn't say anything hoping he'll explain himself. That this was just a big misunderstanding. But he did not say anything else.

"Is that it? You'll just say you're sorry?"

"I'm sorry," he repeated.

Everything that had happened or the past few months suddenly made sense. The reason why he has forgotten our 3rd anniversary... The reason why he hasn't been able to communicate with me for 5 days straight...The reason why hasn't been spending more time with me...All of these were not because he was busy with work. He was busy with HER. And I was stupid enough to believe him when he said that everything between us was OK when it was not.

How was I supposed to fix something I wasn't sure was broken?

"Do you still love me?" I asked him. Because stupid as it sounds, I was willing to take him back. To forgive him. But only if he wanted to. Only if he still loved me back.

"You are special to me. You'll always be special to me," he answered.

I felt my knees go weak. I wanted to cry right then and there. But I didn't. I was numb. Everything felt unreal. How could the man I've considered my best friend and who have pledged his heart to me suddenly stop doing so?

Where did I go wrong?

Where did WE go wrong?

"Thank you. And goodbye." I told him as I walked away from him. He didn't stop me. He didn't even try to catch me. He just let me walk away. He just allowed me to walk out of his life. Just like that. As if nothing happened. As if there was no 'US' in the first place.

Was there even an 'US'? Or was it all just my fantasy?