My Angel ( A Harry Styles Fan Fiction)

Chapter 4

When I got home I went straight to my room and put my pajamas on and got into bed. It's only 6:30. I spent my Saturday night well. Ugh I hate myself. Why must I make everything awkward?

I try to stop thinking about it and turn on my favorite movie A Walk to Remember. Its the cutest but saddest movie ever. I always cry before anything really happens. This movie never gets old. About twenty minutes into the movie I cannot stop thinking about Harry. Today was so fun. Even the time when we were just in the car and I was showing him around. And the beach that was the best part.

I'm not entirely sure why I pulled away from him. Well yes I am , he was looking at me , studying me actually and all my insecurities took over. I felt uncomfortable with him looking at me like that , he would notice how fat and ugly I am. This bothers me so much! What would have happened if I wouldn't have been so dumb? Leave it to my worthless self to mess everything up.

*******

The next morning I wake up and see black stuff smeared across my pillow. Oh yeah that's right I cried myself to sleep last night. I'm so sensitive , but I hate myself for screwing up with Harry. Tomorrow is going to be so awkward.

I get out of the bed and go straight to take a shower , I didn't even take one last night when I got home. As soon as I get into the bathroom I shut and lock the door behind me. I start to observe myself in the mirror. I don't like my nose it's too wide when I smile. I don't like my smile either my teeth are to small. I've had braces but I'm still not pleased with the outcome. I start to raise the T-shirt I slept in last night and look at my stomach. It's not perfectly flat. I pinch the extra skin. It needs to be flat. My hip bones only poke out a little but I wish they would poke out a lot more. My torso is so small and my legs so long. I hate the way my body is shaped. My friends say I have nice hips and guys say I have a nice ass , but I would rather have a pretty face than a nice ass. I also wish I had a thigh gap but I don't. They say thigh gaps have to do with how wide your hips to are determine if you should have a thigh gap or not but I want one regardless. I raise my hands to my face. My fingers are so long and lanky. I wish I had smaller , cuter , more feminine hands. I can't stand to look at myself anymore. I turn the shower water on hot , and turn away from the mirror so I won't have to face myself and start undressing.

*******

All day I have done nothing really. I've gone on Tumblr , Twitter , and Instagram occasionally and watched TV. Just the usual. All I've eaten today was a bowl of cereal and I slice of veggie pizza. I'm hungry now but I refuse to eat anything else. The weekend went by too fast.

Now I'm laying in bed again thinking about Harry. What am I gonna say to him tomorrow ? Maybe I could just stick to the " I was cold " plan. Or maybe I could just tell him the truth. But if I told him the truth he wouldn't understand. I guess I'm sticking to being cold.

********

Ugh , Monday morning , worst part of the week. And I get to spend this Monday morning with Harry.

When I get to class Harry is already there and he is in the desk next to mine. If he asks about Saturday I'm just going to stick to being cold , hopefully he wont ask. If he doesn't ask then I won't say anything. I walk over to the desk and he smiles at me. Damn he is so attractive.

" Hey. " I say trying to act like nothing ever happened.

"Hey Peyton , Mr. Bluehill told me we get to work on the papers until Wednesday in class, so I just came to sit over with you. " he says.

Great , I think. " Okay , Harry that's fine. " I smile.

" Are you okay? " he asks. My stomach drops.