Unexpected

Chapter 7: The Explanation of "I'm Sorry"

After missing Saturday to talk to Emily- Norman has no time to worry about anyone but his mother. She was admitted into the hospital for pains in her chest. After the first two days of being in there, she was ready to go home, when her heart started failing. Norman was becoming more and more worrisome and Mingus was becoming more numb with his own fear. Neither of the men realized that their phones have been going off every five minutes. And neither realized after four days that their phones were dead, they smelled to high heaven of a hospital room, and that they haven't truly eaten since Thursday. Needless to say, they were shutting down.

This similar shut down happened when Norman's father died. The young boy began to cave in on himself. He stopped eating. Stopped caring about himself or anything else. He was an emotionless husk of what looked like a sixteen year old boy. Now, he and Mingus look the same. Emotionless. Dead. Worried. Numb.

After several hours, Norman geta the news that his mother is in fact okay- having recieved a pacemaker for her heart and was sent to live in an assisted living home- where she is to be monitored by nurses so that she will be safe amd amongst others woth similar disabilites. This makes the men feel slightly better- that is, until they open several texts on their phones and listen to several voicemails from Andy- but more importantly one scary, emotional, painful message from Emily.

*News Update*

Hurricane Fiona is moving through the lower and central mideast states of the US. All flights that are supposed to land or go through the Eastern States are canceled until further notice.  
Hurricane Fiona has already caused massive floods in the South East states, and are moving up and across the rest of thw US. This is by far the worst Hurricane since Katrina.

** Two Weeks Later***

She feels empty inside. Abandoned. Hopeless. Depressed.  When it happened, she felt as if her insides were on fire or that she was being ripped apart from the inside. It was scary how it happened so quickly without her even being able to understand what was going on. Now...now everyone knows. Everyone.

Opening her apartment door with her arms full of paperwork. She tiredly looks up to find Norman sitting in her arm chair- looking at her with soppy wet eyes. He doesn't get up. No. He doesn't make an effort to stand and great her as an unwanted guest in her home. Closing the door, she sets her keys and paperwork in the table by the door and just stands in the middle of the room- waiting for him to explain his presence in her home after two weeks and four days.

"I'm sorry...I used the spare key under the mat..."

"Why are you here?" She blankly asks as she stares at him from behind her glasses.

Why is she wearing her glasses now? She never wears them out of the house. And her hair- it's an utter mess- her clothes are just pj bottoms and an over sized sweatshirt. She really looks like a mess.

"I would have been here sooner but I was in California- my mother was in surgury for her heart and we had to put her in a home... By the time I got yer message, all the flights were canceled cause of the hurricane." He stands up, tired and a wreck and goes to her, but there is still a five foot gap that he can't bare to step into.

"I'm sorry to here that...you can go now. Seriously." She says- her voice static and full of salt.

"Em..I'm sorry I was there for you...I...I know how it feels."

"What did you say?" She looks at him angrily and glares at him- hoping her look can kill him in his place. "You know how it feels? Really? So you know how it feels to carry a baby for four months? For it to sit on yer bladder, make you crave things you don't normally eat? You know how it feels to be so emotional for no fucking reason. For her to breathe inside you and move? You know that feeling? Do you know the feeling emptiness? Of the breathing stopping? The stillness? Do you know the feeling of that life being ripped from yer body? Well? DO YOU NORMAN! CAUSE I DO! I lost MY BABY. I was alone and scared and in so much pain. You DON'T know how that feels." Her face is beat red and her eyes are like window panes being washed in the rain. Sinking to floor, Norman blankly stares at her feet as Emily gasps for breath. "I needed you. You said you'd always be there for me and you weren't. I thought about what you said- how we were a mistake... You were right. We were a mistake- we can't do anything right. It's no wonder our baby didn't make it- we couldn't even make it..."

Here tears are heavy and she goes to the couch. Flopping down in to the cusion, Emily just stares at her hands- they were covered in blood at Lauren's party. All she did was reach down to see if she accidently went to the restroom a bit after a pain shot through her abdomin. Next thing she remembers was the blood and Steven and Lauren standing over her with others, frantically calling 911 and telling her she'd be okay, but she wasn't. She was alone in the hospital room when Mayfield told her she had a miscarriage. She was alone when she got in a cab and went home to an empty apartment. She was alone when she drunkenly cut her wrist to feel something through the numbness. And she's alone now, sitting in her living room with a man who claimed to always be there for her- no matter what.

Right now, she doesn't care if he had preoccupations with his sick mother. She doesn't care about the hurricane canceling his flights to be with her. Hell, she doens't even care that he's sitting on her living room floor sobbing right now. No. Emily doesn't care about anything or anyone at this moment. She herself can't feel a damn thing.

"Em...Emmy...I'm so sorry..."

"Who cares any more....yer free. I'm not yer problem any more." So monotone- so pained. Crawling over to her, Norman goes to touch her, but she pulls away. They fight each other- him trying to console her and she trying to push him away. It ends the only way it can- him forcefully pulling her into his body and never once letting go until she stops struggling. Finally she calms down and he releases some tension but keeps her in his arms.

"I do know how it feels- not in that exact way, but I know what it's like to lose a child." His voice is quiet, yet firm. "Helena and I had two miscarriages before Mingus was concieved. After Mingus we wanted to have another baby. She got pregnant and... When we were delivering the baby, she was working so hard. She was fighting and fighting...she was still birthed. Her name was gonna be Emily Rose...I held her in my arms for hours- just praying she was alive. She wasn't. Helena carried her inside her for nine months- dead. After that, we started hating each other...we divorced. So I KNOW how it feels to lose something so precious. I also know what yer feeling right now is scary and probably the most painful feeling you've ever experienced. Like I said- I would do anything for you- but I won't stop loving you. I refuse."

Looking up into his blue eyes, it clicks with Emily. He wasn't walking away from her that day because he didn't want to be a father- he was doing it because he loved her too much to "ruin" her life. Everything Norman has done for her was only out of love.

"You...you love me?"

"More than anything in the world." She pushes her face deeper into his neck and grips him harder.

"I'm so sorry Norman... I'm so sorry..."

"Honey, there's nothing to be sorry for. It's..." She pulls away from him and shows him her wrist- where a huge thick scar crosses her flesh. It's almost like the make up one Greg made for her on set- but this one is real. "Em...Emmy, no...no... Em... What'd you do? Oh honey no.... No. Not this...not this...wh..why?"

"I'm sorry... Norman....I'm sorry." That's all she can say. Sorry. To Norman that word is more than an appology. It's a gateway to where Emily emotionally is. Sorry is a doorway between self guilt and self loathing. Sorry is the key to the door of abandonment and denial. Sorry is an escape from pain- but sorry never truly heals any of those things. "I'm sorry Norman..."

"I'm sorry too."