Without His Angel

ch1: guilty mind

   So this is my first story and I'm excited to share it! I hope you guys enjoy it and I'll try to update when I can:)
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    "Wow Sammy I can't believe you kept a girlfriend for this long" Dean laughed while taking another sip of his beer "I mean you would've thought she had ran off or gotten killed by now"
"Dean that's not funny" Sam replied angrily while he finished putting his small pile of clothes in his duffle bag. Sam was going to spend Valentines weekend with his girlfriend Macy.
Dean walked him out the door to meet Macy who was pulling into the driveway "You sure you'll be okay Dean? All alone on Valentine's Day?"
"Oh yeah, sure, I got my beer and magazines don't worry about me" Dean answered with a smug look "Now Sammy, remember if you use candles for 'romantic lighting' keep them far away from that Macy girl of yours" dean said with a grin "We don't want another Jess accident" Sam glared at Dean "Haha too soon?" he said with a nervous chuckle.
Sam walked to Macy's car without any further words. Dean headed back inside and watched as Sam got in the car and kissed his girlfriend on the cheek, he sighed 'another lonely holiday' he thought to himself while he went to get another beer.

All Dean could think about while sitting alone in the quiet house was how much he missed Castiel. He hadn't seen Cas in almost a year. There was no need for his help at the moment because the boys took a long break from hunting. They didn't quit but were just tired of all the chaos and needed to live a somewhat normal life. Well as normal as possible. Cas was needed elsewhere and left the boys to their "vacation" but now Dean was regretting it. He was regretting letting Cas leave. He was regretting how stupid he was for telling Cas they didn't need him anymore.
Dean regretted how harsh he was when he yelled at Castiel when Cas tried to stay with them "Dean I'll stand by, just in case of an emergency" He had tried to explain to Dean, but Dean got angry at all the constant reminder of how they needed him just to survive a week of hunting because of how tired and weak him and Sam had become. That was one of the main reasons they wanted to lay back on the demon killing. They were exhausted and just over all the blood and guts. Sam told Dean he didn't remember the last time he genuinely smiled, let alone laughed.  He explained he wanted to relax and get away from all things supernatural. With all that spinning around inside his noggin, Dean sat there on the couch and sulked. He felt so guilty, empty and alone.

The hours passed by and Dean drank. A lot. Finally he decided to take a shower. It was a long, and depressing shower. He sorta just stood there singing old love songs to himself while trying to get Cas and his beautiful, mysterious blue eyes out of his stubborn head.

It was almost noon. Dean was still sleeping like a little baby on top of the covers. He never slept under the covers mainly because he was lazy and hated making the bed. When he finally woke up, he walked to the bathroom and took a long look in the mirror. His hair was unkept in a sexy but messy way. The bags under his eyes were huge and dark. He didn't look like himself at all. The glow from his vibrant green eyes was gone and he was in no mood to go out tomorrow for Valentine's Day and try to score a few dates with hot, vulnerable women. He brushed his teeth, made a burger, sat in front of the tv and flipped through the channels. He finished his burger and got bored. Nothing good was on tv so he decided to go outside and take a walk. Maybe a walk would help him clear his mind.

The air outside was pleasant and it felt nice to get some fresh air. Every time he passed a group of girls they all stopped to watch him walk by, drooling at the sight of him. He might be worn out but Dean can still rock his brown leather jacket and kill the ladies with a single glance.
The park was full of people. Full of couples to be exact. Dean looked around and saw nothing but people embracing their significant other. He tried to look around for someone who was alone so he wouldn't feel left out but it looked like everyone had a hand to hold. He kept walking along the path, stepping over all the cracks in the sidewalk, because who doesn't? He kept on wandering until he found a tree that wasn't occupied by a couple of teenagers making out.
Dean leaned back on the rough bark and closed his eyes. He saw the trench coat. He saw the blue tie. He heard his voice. It was so clear, he felt like Cas was really there. Dean knew it was all in his head, he knew Castiel wasn't really there. What would Cas want to do with Dean anyways? He wouldn't care if Dean was desperate for attention or love. Cas might've been an angel but he was stubborn. After all Dean put him through it was useless to pray to him. Dean snapped back into reality and opened his eyes. Daydreaming was useless and a waste of time, even though all Dean had was time. Loads of time. He had no plans, no one to meet up with, no one to save. He headed home after an unsuccessful afternoon. Once he got home he collapsed onto his bed and instantly fell asleep.