Listen, Obey

45. Forty-Fifth Lesson

It was all my fault.

"Hey, we're trying to do somthing. We're trying to save him, so don't despair too soon." Marc's fingers took a firmer hold around my hand, pulling me into his bodyheat.

"I know, it's just hard to believe we'll succeed. I've really screwed him up."

"Don't blame yourself, Ethan. You got him into the clinic. You tried to save his life. What he does now has nothing to do with you."

I disagreed, meeting Marc's gaze with my determined one. "What if it is? I should have been there the day he got out from St. Mary's, but I wasn't. I should have been there to pick up the pieces before Sam got to him."

Marc's entire posture shifted, and I recognized the man I had seen that first time in his office at the club. He seemed to grow several inches--his eyes darkening.

"Kneel."

The command was simple, but nothing was ever simple in this world. Seconds passed until I caved beneath his dominating presence, giving in to the world I had once been mesmerized by, but later pushed away to claim my independence.

I lowered my eyes and sank to the floor. Marc's hand found my head, guiding my face into his firm body. Breathing out in an odd emotional state of confusion and relief, he started to pet my hair--just like that second time we met.

As the hard wood floor became harder and harder beneath my knees, the further away from my thoughts I traveled. Time seemed irrelevant, and I had no idea if I had remained in the position for ten minutes or an hour. Marc kept petting my hair, but didn't say another word.

"Do you feel better?" Marc asked, eventually.

"Yes." I was suprised that I did feel better from simply kneeling down for an unknown amount of time, but there was no other viable answer.

"Then stand, eyes lowered."

I did as he asked, eyes focused on his black shirt. My breathing remained calm, but I felt the anticipation growing in the air between us, making me realize how much I had craved this relationship from the start. I wanted him to control me when I couldn't excert control over myself. I wanted him to quiet my thoughts when they raced through my head like a frieght train.

"Prepare for bed, then wait for me in our room. Dressed if you want comfort, naked if you need more. Kneel by the bed, hands behind your back and look down. I'll join you when I see fit."

I let out a short breath, anxious that he gave me the option of how to dress, or not to dress, rather.

"Marc, please don't make me choose," I pleaded.

"I know this might be confusing for you, Ethan, but call me Sir in these situations." His voice brokered no argument.

"Sir." I tried it on my tongue. It wasn't as foreign as Marc had been when I shifted from Matthews to his first name.

"Are you ready to be naked next to me?" he asked.

The decision was easy and complicated at the same time. I wanted to feel him against me, skin touching skin with nothing in between, but I also felt unworthy. Should I seek comfort when Jace had none?

"What about Jace?" I said, not aware that I had voiced the words until Marc tipped my chin and met my gaze.

"Tonight is not about Jace. Tonight is about you. I revoke my offer of a choice. Be naked."

I relaxed instantly, knowing that he somehow understood me better than I did.

"Reply so I know that you've understood."

The mild annoyance in his tone was enough to make me wince. "I'm sorry, Sir. I mean, yes, Sir."

"Good, you're not in trouble. Yet. Now go get ready."

With those parting words, I walked up the stairs and tried to remember everything detail he'd given me.

------

I was kneeling by the bed, trying my best to forget that I had nothing to sheild me. No clothes. Completely vulnerable. Memories from years ago flashed before me, but I tried to temper them and throw them back to where they came from. I wasn't ready to face the Ethan from my past. Not tonight. My past was something I wanted to forget until I was ready to deal with it.

The door opened with a faint whine, and all attention snapped to the sound of Marc's movements inside our room.

He came to my side, running a hand through my hair. "Good boy."

Tension I hadn't been aware of, left my body in a soft woosh. I forgot the uncomfortable floor and my nerves searching for clothes as cover.

"Get into bed. On your stomach."

I did as he asked, relieved to sink down into something warm and cuddly instead of sitting on a bare floor. I guess I would have to get used to the kneeling part.

Warm hands found my back, touching and prodding. "I'm going to give you a massage, it's fine if you fall asleep."

Surprised, I questioned him in silence. A massage didn't seem very much like BDSM to me.

He must have felt me tense beneath him because he stopped. "I'm going to restrain you. What is your safeword?"

My heartbeat raced with interest at the mention of restraints. I had no idea I was capable of reacting that way to a simple sentence, but I did. However, I couldn't remember my safeword.

"Red?" I suggested.

"Red what?"

"Red, Sir."

"Good. If you say the word, everything stops."

"Thank you, Sir."

He took hold of one limb at a time, buckling leather cuffs that could be fastened to the bed. Clearly, he'd used them before. The thought was an unpleasant one, but I had no wish to delve deeper into the possibility. Marc had a past just like I did. It was unfair to think of his if I wanted him to disregard mine.

When Marc had fastened the last one, I tried to move around, hoping that I wouldn't feel too freaked out about the situation. It quickly dawned on me that I couldn't get away. I couldn't run. It was something that shouldn't have come as a surprise, but the reality caught up and threw any resemblance of comfort right down the gutter.

I was about to say the word when Marc's hands began to rub my back.

My anxiety fled and comfort returned. He kept me safe. Always.

Warmth spread through my body, almost burning my chest with need. I knew exactly what I wanted to say: words already branded to my bruised heart.

"I love you, Marc."

His hands paused for a brief moment, lingering on my heated skin with assurance. He kissed my exposed neck, then my jaw. "I love you, too, Ethan. Now, let me take care of you."

A lone tear filled with emotion trailed down my cheek--a glass overflowing and finally spilling that heavy drop. I was content, sinking into a blissful state of being where nothing mattered except the two of us.

A/N Please let me know what you think...quite unsure about this.