Two Characters on a Bench

Jack Sparrow x Karkat

    "GREAT, FUCKING GREAT. THEY JUST HAD TO RUN OFF SOMEWHERE WITHOUT ME," Karkat ranted to himself, not caring who heard him. He stuck out like a sore thumb anyways, a big, gray skinned, black clothed, nubby horned, sore thumb. He kicked an empty bottle near him onto the dirty stone road.

"OI! There could have been rum in there!" yelled the voice of the dirty man next to him on the bench.

"WHY THE FUCK SHOULD I CARE AND WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU BULGELICK?" Karkat questioned, crossing his black sweatered arms across the gray cancer zodiac sign across his chest.

"My name is Captain, Jack Sparrow, and you should pay a little more respect," he retorted back before taking a swig from his bottle of rum.

"KARKAT VANTAS, AND WHY IN THE EVER LOVING FUCK SHOULD I CARE? I AM THE GOD OF YOUR UNIVERSE, IF ANYONE DESERVES RESPECT, IT'S ME NOOK WHIFF," Karkat shot right back at the drunkard. He took this time to look around this smelly place where his friends had dragged him to.

Jack laughs out, "and I'm Davy Jones, master of the seas mate. Anyways, what brings you to Tortuga?" He offers him a sip of his rum which Karkat refuses.

"IS THAT WHAT THIS SHIT PIT IS CALLED? FUCKING DAVE STRIDER THOUGHT IT WOULD BE 'AWESOME' TO HEAD TO THIS GOG FORSAKEN ROCK AND THEY JUST FUCKING LEFT ME HERE, AND WITHOUT A FUCKING TIME PLAYER SO I CAN'T GET BACK AT ALL," Karkat groaned, obviously annoyed by his current situation.

"Well, sounds like one hell of a pickle you got yourself in mate," in truth Jack had no idea what half of what Karkat said meant. As he goes to take a drink of his rum he realizes it's empty, holding it upside down to make sure. "Why is the rum always gone?" Jack groaned, tossing the empty bottle, noticing someone left some bottles of rum next to the bench and helps himself to the stash.

"MAYBE BECAUSE YOU ARE ALWAYS SHOVING IT DOWN YOUR IGNORANCE SHAFT," Karkat sighs, looking up at the dark night sky, not used to the sight of one white moon instead of one green moon and one purple moon. This isn't Alternia, of course it's going to look different than from my home planet fuckass, he thought to himself. "SO WHY THE HELL ARE YOU HERE FUCK ASS?"

"I am here 'cause I require a ship and a crew," Jack responded after taking a gulp of the stolen rum. Karkat's yellow eyes widened.

"OH MY GOG, AND I THOUGHT JOHN WAS AN IDIOT. YOU'RE EVEN WORSE! YOU DON'T HAVE A SHIP NOR A CREW YET YOU CALL YOURSELF A FUCKING CAPTAIN?! YOU JUST TAKE THE IDIOT CAKE, NO, ALL OF THE FUCKING CAKES, ALL OF THEM," Karkat retorted loudly at him. Karkat facepalms himself with both hands and groaning. "SERIOUSLY, ARE ALL YOU HUMANS THIS IDIOTIC AND USELESS?" Looking around the brick town didn't help disprove his point.

"Oi! I did have a crew, but my first mate, Barbossa, turned my whole crew against me and left me to rot on an island in the middle of nowhere." Jack defended after almost coughing up his precious rum from Karkat's rude comment.

"THEN HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET OFF OF IT? 'CAUSE YOU OBVIOUSLY HAD TO GET HERE SOMEHOW," Karkat questioned.

"Sea turtles mate," Jack simply stated like it was the most obvious answer in the whole world.

"WHAT?" Karkat sweat dropped and thought, am I seriously actually talking to the nooksucker right now?

"Sea turtles, after awhile of being on the island, the sea turtles saw me a friend. So I strapped a pair to my feet and rode them off of the island," Jack explained.

Karkat blinked, he couldn't believe what he just heard. "YOU HAVE GOT TO BE FUCKING KIDDING ME! THIS IS EVEN MORE MUSCLEBEAST SHIT THAN GAMZEE'S 'MOTHERFUCKING MIRICALS' AND HIS GOG DAMN CLOWN RELIGION. I CAN'T BELIEVE THERE WAS SOMEONE OUT THERE THAT COULD COME UP WITH SOMETHING MORE BULGECHAFINGLY FUCKING STUPID STORIES THAN THAT." Karkat ranted loudly at the dirty captain.

"2up KK," Sollux mentioned while walking up which stopped Karkat from continuing.

"WH4T SM3LLS OF F1LTH, 4LCOHOL, 4ND 3GO?" questioned Terezi. Karkat groans seeing them, but is at least happy to see someone that could get him out of here.

"Oi, who are your friends candycorn?" Jack asked, referring to Karkat's small, candy corn shaped and colored horns.

"YOU WANNA TRY CALLING ME THAT AGAIN YOU BULGESUCKING PIECE OF SHIT?!?!" Karkat yelled as he pulled out his green, pink, and white sickles. Only to be held back by his two friends. After calming down he finally answers Jack's question, "THE MASSIVE DOUCHE BAG IS SOLLUX, AND THE BLIND CHICK IS TEREZI."

Sollux lowers his red and blue lensed glasses to reveal his same colored eyes, "2up?"

Terezi sniffed the air, readjusting her red glasses. "Y3P, ST1LL SM3LLS OF 3GO 4ND PR1DE, 4ND 1 4M NOT L1CK1NG H1M TO M4K3 SUR3," she states while sticking out her turquoise tongue. "TH1S WHOL3 PL4C3 T4ST3S D1SGUST1NG, C4N W3 GO NOW?"

Karkat nods as he leads the group away, putting his hands into his gray jean pockets and walking in the direction the two came from. Jack waved and fell asleep on the bench, more likely than not will not remember his encounter with the trolls at all.