Winter Nostalgia

Home for the Holidays

        It's been twenty-three years since I lost the one thing that mattered most to me. She was the light of my life, the one who made my heart whole, and the one who will always have my unconditional love. Her name was Margaret Anne Stevens. I had the opportunity of meeting her my freshman year in college. I was in the back corner of the library, studying for my first midterm, when I heard a voice ask, "Is this seat taken?" I pried my eyes away from my book and it was the first of many wonderful decisions I made when it came to her. She just smiled and shook her head at the look I had given her, and then proceeded to pull out the chair and sit down. Even at one o'clock in the morning, with exhaustion setting in, she still managed to look breathtakingly beautiful. My Maggie had dark, wavy, cascading hair that smelled of fresh coconut. She had the biggest most brilliant smile, and her eyes, well let's just say they had every shade of brown imaginable, as well as a twinkle when she smiled. We studied together for hours that night, keeping ourselves awake with gummy bears and occasional fits of laughter. On a whim, I asked her if she wanted to come home with me for the holidays. She gladly accepted and told me that the holidays with her family were always dull and dreadful. On the way to my quaint little hometown in Savannah, we talked about our childhoods and how we came to be where we were. I learned everything about dear Maggie, from the time she broke her arm climbing a tree to her disaster of a sixteenth birthday party. I never thought I could smile so much in such a short time span, I also never thought anyone could be that easy to talk to. She became the only thing that truly mattered to me. She lit up my life and made me a better man. By the time the next midterms came around, everyone knew us as Maggie and Arthur. There was never a moment when we weren't together. A week past graduation I had finally gotten up the courage to ask Maggie to marry me. I had friends lead her to the exact spot we met; along the walls were pictures of our time spent together. In that back corner of the library, I got down on one knee and asked her to be mine forever and always. She smiled so brightly that night that it was contagious, and I found myself grinning ear to ear. We had our wedding that winter, December 12 to be precise, and it was a day to remember. You'd think that after seeing the same person everyday for over a year that you'd get used to seeing their face and that their beauty would fade, but on that day I'd never seen anything so beautiful, she was radiant. To this day I can still remember her vows to me, " I Margaret Anne Stevens vow to love you for all of eternity. Through sickness and in health I promise to always be by your side, to lift you up when you're down, and to give you my everything. You have made me the happiest person alive and I can never thank you enough for the love you've shown me". She stayed true to her word and she gave me everything she had. We were happily married for forty years until death took her away from me. The light was sucked out of my life, and all that was left was a vast empty darkness. My home no longer felt like a home, the one thing that mattered to me was gone, and I was left alone. I tried to get out of the state of depression I was left in. Day by day went on and the only thing that racked my brain was the memory of my Maggie. I gradually went from a state of depression to a state of extreme anger. I didn't understand why she had to be taken from me, why she wasn't by my side, and why it wasn't me instead. It's selfish to think that it should've been me instead of her, but for a moment I didn't care, because then I wouldn't have to know what it's like to be without her. Years went by and I moved out of my hometown, away from the life we had built together. Some days I'd walk down the street and see a women with long, dark wavy hair and I'd call out "Margaret!" It was only when the person turned around that I'd remember my dear Maggie was gone. I went on like that year after year, with little things reminding me of her here and there. I passed by a library one day and remember the invitation I extended to her to come over for the holidays. I had spent every Christmas with her since and after she had passed, that tradition ended. So I decided to spend this Christmas with her, like nothing had ever changed. As I drive back to my hometown I reminisce over the time I spent with her; every laugh, every smile. I brought one of many wedding photos, this one being my favorite, because you could see the light in her eyes and how bright her smile was. You could almost hear her laughing in this photo, the most beautiful sound I'd ever heard. I also brought a bouquet of red roses, her favorite flower. She loved the sentimentality they brought to any room. As I walk down the snowy path to be reunited with my Maggie, I think of what I will say to her. I never got nervous around her but today I feel as though I have butterflies again, a feeling I haven't felt in the longest time. Rounding the corner my mind goes blank as I see the stone that reads,
Margaret Anne Williams
August 21, 1926 - June 3, 2005
Beloved Wife of Arthur Williams
Oh how I wish she were still here. I place our picture beside the grave and gently lay the flowers on the snow. My hands are shaking and tears have formed in my eyes. I can't help but to cry for the loss of my beloved Margaret. She was my heart and soul. I clear my throat and begin to say a few words, " Dear Beloved Maggie, it's been a while since I last saw that beautiful face of yours. I still remember how radiant you were on our wedding day and how your eyes lit up when they looked into mine. I wanted to spend this holiday with you and to remind you of a few things I know I myself have forgotten. Since you've been gone I have been down a path of dark depression. When your life ended, so did mine. You made my life what it is, you made me laugh until my stomach hurt and you made me chase my dreams. You really did light up my life and ever since you left, well, it hasn't been as bright. I wanted to read you something I wrote a very long time ago, something I hold dear to my heart. It was said on December 12th, and to this day I still mean it: I Arthur Roger Williams take thee Margaret Anne Stevens to be my wife, until death do us part, I promise to be your shoulder to cry on. The one who will guard your heart with my life. The one to make you so happy you lay in bed at night thinking "how is this real life?" I promise to give every ounce I have to you. To never let you down, to believe in you even when you can't. To always be yours forever. I love you forever and always. So with that being said, Merry Christmas my love, I'll be with you soon.