I stare at the empty space in my parents backyard that once held the old, sad swingset built for me when I was young. Nostalgic memories fill my head. I think of the day it was built for me, the sunny days I spent swinging, just looking at the sky. I think about sitting with him, the slight breeze there was that day, and how the clouds barely covered the vibrant blue sky above.
I recollect me telling him to go, so I wouldn't hurt him, or anyone else. I also remember him never leaving.
I glance at my phone, as if expecting it to ring like it did when he would call. It never does. I miss his voice, and his hugs. His witty comments, and his dopey smile. I miss him.
Seven years later, and I still think about him. I loved the way he looked at me, the way he kissed me. I loved how he could always make me laugh. The first two years after he was gone, knowing I would never see him again would haunt me every night. I found myself waking up in a hospital bed a few times every month. Unable to breath, unable to think.
About three years after he died, I decided to move out of my parent's house, into a small apartment. I would visit my parents every weekend, and would have minimal contact with people. Only a few who lived in my building.
For the longest time, I pitied myself for having such an unfavorable life, because I couldn't do what a normal kid should be able to do. I couldn't run with the other kids, I couldn't play or swim, or do any strenuous activity other than walking. I now sit here alone, in my old backyard, not wishing for a different life for one of the first times in a long time. Focusing on what I couldn't do got me nowhere, so I put all of my time and energy into what I could.
I was always fascinated by the book An Imperial Affliction. I read it over and over, always wondering what happens after the novel ends. That's how I decided what I wanted to do with my life. I wanted to tell what happens after a novel ends to those who were just as inquisitive as I am.
Augustus always wanted to be remembered; he wanted to be the hero everyone looked up to. I made myself a living fulfilling Augustus's wish, writing about our story after the novel ended. I shared with the world about how Augustus may not have been everyone's hero, but he was mine. He always said that he was going to write me a sequel to An Imperial Affliction, but the tables have turned, my love. Augustus gained his prominence when my book started selling all over the world. I called it, The Fault In Our Stars.
Hearing the clashing of dishes inside interrupts me from my thoughts. I slowly stand up and walk in the backdoor of the house. I grin to myself, my mom never had good luck with plates. I see my mother picking up a dish from the floor, and my father laughing while wiping it up. I smile with warmth, remembering times when I was young, before I was sick, when my mother would cook, and my father would wash the dishes because my mother would always break them.
I never thought I would move on from my first real love. It was too hard to bear, thinking of being with someone else. I thought about it for a long time, pondering over whether it was selfish for me to want to feel love again, to leave behind all of the sentimental memories. I thought about how he was in a relationship before me. I remember him telling me about how his girlfriend died from cancer, and how he moved on. Gus wouldn't want me to be spending my entire life alone.
He would've wanted me to find love again, even if the love wasn't as significant as ours.
I hear a small giggle from behind the couch, as I make my way over. My daughter jumps up, running over to me, giving me a hug. She reaches just above my knees, for she's only 3 years old. My husband walks over and kisses my cheek.
He doesn't know about Augustus. Only my parents and Issac know about him, and they respected my wish of keeping him unknown to my current family.
We all sit down to eat the meal my mother and father graciously prepared. I sit down next to my dad, with my daughter by my side. My life wasn't awful before, it was anything but. It was only getting started. I lost a love, and gained two more.
I'll always remember Augustus, but now, he lives in my book as the fearless character he always dreamed of being.
