Die E-Mail, die mein Leben erzählt.

Leben eben. Einmal Hölle und hoffentlich bald zurück.

Es fiel mir nie besonders leicht, über meine Probleme zu reden. Dennoch wusste ich, dass ich Hilfe brauchte. Im Internet stieß ich auf die To Write Love on her Arms Seite. Man konnte via E-Mail seine Probleme zum Thema Depressionen, Suizid und Selbstverletzung schildern und es wurde einem versichert, vom Gründer der Bewegung und der Webseite, dass sie einem antworten würden. Also schrieb ich mein Leben / meine Probleme auf.

Hello,

I don't know why I'm writing this..and I know my English is very bad..I'm sorry

I need help, that is what I know. I cut myself since I was ... I think 16 now I'm 21. I do not know exactly when I started ..I do not know exactly , because something has happened in my past ..
It sounds funny , but I do not know what exactly happened..I only know from letters that something terrible has happened.

I know that I was in a children's home .
Until then, my life was okay. According to the letters I was there because of my sister..
The years after that are very vague.. the only thing I know is that afterwards came the hell.

In children's home I was struck by the children..no harassed is the better word..They hate me so much and I don't know why..in the school during the children's home the same thing happened..

This time has destroyed my life . My Life and my Soul..

I do not know exactly when I started to cut myself..Earlier it was never particularly bad..now and then a few cuts..not deep but hurtful.

Then I stopped..for a month..I felt so very lonely..

At that time I had no friends.

As I write this message I have to fight with tears..

A few years ago the cutting started to be worse..

My mother took me as I cut on my tight..She cried so much..and I started to hate myself.. i promise her that I would never cut again..

I lied.

One week later I cut again.

I cut myself because I 'm lonely, I disappoint all and I hate myself..Sometimes It's so bad that I want to die...

Three years ago, I found friends ..but they did not do everything better..Maybe some of them made ​​it even worse..

I'm exhausted.

I want to be loved..not only from my parents..

2 Years ago my friends found out that I cut myself..They were all shocked..and they treated me as if I were made ​​of glass..

They have spoken to me, again I promised to never cut myself again.

I lied.

18.12.14 I came to a clinic . A psychological clinic. The night before I had tried to die.

I remained there until December 30.

It did not help me .

Even during the clinic I cut myself..

The last cutting was yesterday ..

I do need help and someone to talk to..

I know you have more important e-mails as mine..but please answer me.

Ich las die E-Mail noch einmal durch und seuftzte tief. Es war ein verdammt großer Schritt. Ich trocknete die Tränen und drückte auf Senden.