things i write at night

him

sometimes i find myself awake at 2am thinking about you,
and i wonder if you think about me at this time.
then i find myself being drowned in a wave of sadness when i realize you might not.
i toss and turn trying to drift into slumber,
but my mind won't stop reliving the memories you've created. 
when you first held my hand and i felt fireworks burst in my stomach.
when you said you wanted to kiss me and i was lost in the thought of it. 
when you lay on my lap whilst i tousled your hair and i felt my chest become warm.
when you looked at me in the eye like the world revolved around us and i stared at your ocean blue eyes wondering if this would last.
when you ran the pad of your thumb along the soft skin on my hand and i felt the electricity course through my veins.
when you said, "see you when you come back" and i was disappointed you never kissed me.
when i didn't come back for two weeks and you decided you moved on.
when i felt nothing but my heart breaking and you were as happy as ever.
when i didn't message you for weeks and you did nothing to fix it.
when i would lay in bed crying about you and you'd be fast asleep.
when i finally saw your face after a month and you didn't even look at me.
when i still couldn't talk to you and you were worried about other things.
i think about everything that includes you,
the flashbacks of feeling happy and infinite,
the sadness that consumed me for weeks.
so many memories that include you, and i think about them at 2am.

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i wrote this in 10 minutes, which is why it's not great.
this is about someone who i liked deeply, and it didn't turn out how i wanted it to.