Ugh, It was Monday. My least favorite day of the week.. Everything seemed so difficult on that specific day. I mean.. who likes Mondays? Every week I have to get up and go to school, it's a part of life yeah. It's 8:00 am and my first class of the day has already started, I usually don't hang out with a lot of people. I always think I don't fit in, people seemed to go along with everyone else. I mostly thought about other things that they don't understand. So as you guess I have no friends, at least not any who like me as me. I've tried not to affect people in any way, so I don't talk much about me. Overall I hate school. I already have enough shit from my parents, why would I need more problems? At school, I'm that crazy/stupid person that talks too much, I'm so scared of people not liking me. So I pretend. I pretend that school is fine, I pretend I feel great, I pretend that I'm fine, I pretend that life is great. I can't express my emotions, I have no way of real living. "Just go with the motions and It'll be okay." I'm a very thoughtful person in my opinion and every single day I just think. And what I think about, are things no one bothers to care. When I go to sleep, that's when I start thinking deep and it get's worse.
I just lay there literally pondering everything and it's like a hole I can't get out of. I'm trapped in my mixed feeling, thoughts and emotions. I go through this everyday for hours. And what I think about are questions, most are based off my insecurities and wishes on finding pleasure in life. I wonder will I ever be happy with myself, will I ever be happy? Will I ever find love? Is there more to life than just living? Why are we here? hours, and hours of questioning and trying to find answers. And each time I try not to let it happen, but I cry. Because I doubt myself over the positive, I have a negative mind I guess.. I think a lot about death, and things that people often hate hearing. To me, it draws my interest. As I said, I can't exactly express myself in a way people want. At home, my parents hate me being in my room all the time and they hate what I do in there. Which is basically how I cope with everything. These thoughts, school, anxiety, depression... things I have to deal with. All I do in there is just lay in my bed with headphones in.. I could stay like that for many hours, not getting up to eat, or to change.. I just think. I have wonder in things that are unusual to most people I know including my parents. It's hard to explain/describe...
Sorry this was crappy already. This is my first time writing so..
YOU ARE READING
What's behind the curtains
General Fictionokay, so this is going to be a story about a girl who deals with life's problems and her she struggles and tries her best to get through them.. This is really random, but that's what I'm going to write about.
