Over The Rainbow #girlxgirl

C14: Panic Attack

The scene plays over and over in my head... my mother pushing it into her chest, crumpling to the floor, the clink of the knife, her blood-covered hands, Cici's screams, confusion, terror, struggling to breath...

I snap up, my pulse racing. I reach for Cici, reach for the knife, reach to stop mom from doing what I've seen her do so many times...

"Hey! It's OK, It's OK..." I hear Skylar's voice say, and I realize that I'm not there anymore... I'm safe, but I can't do anything to help what happened, I can't stop what she did, I can't force Cici to go upstairs, I can't do anything. "You're safe." I glance around the room, realizing I'm in a hospital. Not dead. A burst of pain makes me wince. I see little rainbow flags decorating the plain, white room. There's my cello in the corner, along with Skylar's and Jayda's.

"Jayda..." I say.

"...Is downstairs getting food right now. She's been here all the time. She sleeps in here, eats in here, does her homework in here, she practically lives here. All of it to help you. She goes to school still, of course." Skylar fiddles with his thumbs. He got a haircut. It's cute.

"Sable? Cici?" I ask.

"Is everything alright?" a nurse asks, coming into the room.

"Fine," Skylar replies. "She had a panic attack, but it's fine now." The nurse comes over and fiddles with a tab, and I feel the pain slowly leave. I let out a sigh of relief.

"This is her morphine tab. We're going to try to ease her off of it. For now, we can keep it pretty high, but don't mess with it. It is a drug." Skylar nods and she goes away.

"Sable is picking Cici up from school right now. Cici is fine. Don't worry."

"Mom?" I ask.

"Um..." he trails off. "They couldn't save her. She's... um... dead."

I feel like I can't breath, like something is stuck in my throat. "Hey, hey," he says. "Breath." I try, and I can get a breath. I take a deep breath in and out, and then a second.

"Dead," I repeat. "Then who's gonna take care of us?" I ask. "I mean, Sable is almost eighteen. She's going to college soon, but Cici and I are still super dependent..."

"Zyana, you saved Sable's life. You saved Cici's life. You've run your house, made dinners for the past several years for your family. You're not dependent."

"As long as I'm hooked up to this shit I am," I say, nodding towards the tubes coming out of my body. He smiles.

"Actually, my mom and I were thinking about adopting you guys."

I stare at him. "Sky, that would mean she would have five kids. Superwoman couldn't do that," I tell him. There's no way.

"As you said, Sable is leaving soon. And also, who else? Your mom didn't have a will, and you have no family that you know about! You have no grandparents and both of your parents were only children. I'm not letting you guys become foster children. And besides, Sable doesn't even count. She's moving out this summer, and she would certainly rather be with her boyfriend." He has a point. "So that's only four children, and both of us are very mature, so that doesn't even really count. And she has my dad, too, to help."

I shake my head. "Maybe."

Sky smiles. "You know, for the past few days, she's been obsessing over you." I open my mouth to ask who, even though I know who he's talking about. He beats me to it. "I'm talking about Jayda. Zyana, she loves you. I'm convinced."

I shrug. "Maybe," I admit.

Jayda strolls in, holding a coffee and a sandwich. "Hey, Sky," she says, not looking up from her phone, which she is holding in the sandwich hand. "Who're you talking to?" she asks, turning off her phone and glancing up at me. Her eyes widen. "ZY ZY!!! YOU'RE..." she trails off in excitement. My heart jumps at how happy to see me she sounds.

"Awake?" I ask.

"Alive!" she corrects me.

I can't help but let a smile cross my face. "When Sable called, I thought you were gone..."

"Tell me what happened." I look up at them. "I wasn't awake, I want to know what happened. I just woke up."

Jayda opens her mouth and then closes it again. "Does she... um... know?" she asks Sky.

"Know what?" I ask.

"Yup," he says. "Know that your mom is dead."

Silence. "So what happened?"

Skylar speaks up. "Well, you were stabbed and she stabbed herself. Sable called the sheriff and medical staff while that was happening. Cici went upstairs after all of that, and the police came to take care of it. They took you here, and Sable called Jayda and I."

I sigh. "I told her not to call her," I say.

"Huh?" Jayda asks.

"She grabbed my phone from me weeks ago and saw what we were saying to each other. I got the upper hand and got her to promise to never call you. She called you on my phone, right?" I clarify.

"Yup," Sky and Jay answer in unison.

"So now to the more important stuff. How long do I have and if I'm fine, when can I start doing stuff?"

"You're fine. Well, you're not fine. You were stabbed in your stomach. But you're not gonna die. You can go out of the hospital in maybe a week, and you can go back to the school a few days after that, but you might need a morphine pack or something. I can't remember exactly what they said," Skylar tells me.

"You'll be on medication for maybe a month," Jayda says.

"Great. Just great. Well, whatever, at least I'm not gonna die. Could you two call Sable and Cici and tell them to come here?" I ask.

Sky nods and steps out of the room.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Hey Zyana," Sable's voice comes from in front of me. I open my eyes. This stupid morphine makes me drowsy and unable to focus.

"Hey Sable," I reply.

There's a pause. I see Cici. She's fine, but she's wide-eyed and shaking a bit.

"Cici, go play with Jay and Sky," I tell her. She obeys me, running out of the room. "So what's been happening to you?" I ask Sable, turning to her.

She sighs. "Jeremy and I broke up. I dumped him. He's a jerk." I smile.

"Glad you cleared that up." She rolls her eyes.

"He was my boyfriend." Another awkward silence. "I picked a college. Some east coast theater one. It's cool, you should come visit me sometime."

"Meh. I'm moving to the west coast. Seattle probably, because it doesn't snow enough anywhere else, and they're super gay." She smiles back, snorting a bit.

"I hear about the plans of moving in with Skylar," she says. "I'm going to campus early this summer, and I kinda have a boyfriend, so you guys won't have to deal with me except for the next few weeks. Otherwise, I'll probably be with my boyfriend."

"His mom lets you stay at his house with him?" I ask. She shrugs.

"They're super low-key. You should move in with him, by the way. He's super nice. And that Jayda girl... she really cares about you. She freaked out and rushed over there when I called her. Sorry, by the way." I roll my eyes.

"Thanks for being sorry," I say sassily. She fakes a sassy eye roll.

"Omigawd," she says. We both burst out laughing. "Anyways, she's totally adorable. Take her. I think she might have the hots for that Skylar guy, so get her before he does, or she changes her mind."

"Skylar's her half-brother, Sable!" I say, making a face.

"Really?" she asks. I nod. "Ick. Well, are you sure he knows that?" she asks. I pause, shaking my head. "Double ick. Oh well. I have to go, see you at Skylar's house in a week or so, sucker," she says, sticking her tongue out playfully at me.

"See ya, sucker," I say. She sticks out her tongue again, but it turns into a smile before she leaves.

All I can think about is Jayda.