The end where I begin

C h a p t e r 46

'I don't know. We're not talking...'

'Seriously dude, you can't keep going like that.' Mark said shaking his head.

'Yeah I know that but she won't talk to me.' I said raising my voice in frustration at them.

'That's cause ye've been an asshole this whole time.' Mark snapped.

'Well if I do that I might lose her for good so I prefer not doing it!' I shouted once again and left the dressing room. I went into a small room where there were no people, just a little couch. I laid down on the couch and closed my eyes just waiting for the time I could get ready for the gig tonight. I didn't feel like being social anymore for now even though I knew we had M&G's in about an hour, which meant I had no other choice.

'Dan...' I was disturbed by a knocking on the door and Glen saying my name. I shot my eyes open as a reaction to the sudden sounds outside the door.

'What is it?'

'Do ye wanna come out again? We're sorry if this made you upset.' Glen said carefully. He knew this was hard for me and didn't want to make it any worse. I stood up from the couch and went over to the door and opened it drying my eyes. I hadn't even noticed the tears that had escaped my eyes as I left the dressing room earlier.

'Want me to see if Lauren's gonna be here or do ye wanna wait and see?' Glen asked.

'She's probably not gonna be here anyways, but...Yeah...I guess you could try but I doubt it'll work.'

'I'll try Dan. Just go do whatever you want and I'll ask her.' Glen patted my shoulder and left me alone again to talk to Lauren. I would be very surprised if she would come here. But at the same time not. I knew she was looking forward to this gig, not only because we got to see each other again but she loved our music too.

Well right now I don't think she's looking forward to seeing me, but I still had a small hope that she would still be here. She knew we had to talk about all that has happened while I've been gone and if we just pushed that further and further away it would be the end of us for sure. Neither of us wanted that but it doesn't look like we even have a choice right now. We've fallen apart really badly and I'm the reason for that. My mind still hasn't changed about having my own family, with Lauren. Her mind hasn't changed either, she doesn't want that. I respect that, but right now it's really hard to deal with that. Well it was hard before too but I just put it in the back of my mind for a while and it wasn't so hard, but something just snapped in me and it all changed. Thinking of Lauren that's all I want right now and it kills me to think that she doesn't.

Lauren's POV

'Hey Glen what's up?' I asked as I picked up the phone.

'We're just wondering, will ye be at the gig tonight?' I waited a few moments before answering the question. I really wanted to but I knew I wasn't ready to as well. Hearing those songs, his voice and see him again, not right now. I most likely would not want to meet him either. I was still hurting from our fight and I wasn't ready at all. It's way too soon.

'I won't I'm sorry.'

'Can I ask why?'

'Well I'm not ready for that. Even though we did clear up the fact that we're still together I'm not happy with the situation and what we said to each other so I really don't wanna see him.'

'That makes sense. So I'll just have to tell him you're not gonna be here then.'

'I'm sorry about that, I really am. I know I promised to come and then all this shit happened and it's still happening so I just need to think about myself and what I'm capable of handling. And this is not something I'm ready for. I'm in so much pain and I don't know how to get over this.'

'It will be okay, at least at some point. I'm gonna be really honest now and say that when you talk to Dan you might change your opinion about still wanting to continue the relationship. He's hurting much more than you think he is and I get him, I really do. He's feeling like shit after all of this but he can't help it. He's really scared of losing you.'

'Well this doesn't really help me at all. I don't even know what to say or think. All this time I've been creating my own reasons for this and it's not good. I just want this to end so we can be happy together again.'

'Then try. Have patience with him Laurs, he'll come around to it. He knows he has to talk to you and he's gonna do it when he sees you again, when you're ready for it.'

'Okay I will...You'll do great tonight though, I'm sure of that. Dublin's really stocked about this. There are posters everywhere and cafes and diners are playing your songs a lot. Everywhere there's always someone talking about it as well.'

'That can't be easy.'

'It's just how life is, I'll live to see another day.'

'That's good. Well I have to go get ready and talk to Dan.'

'Oh yeah sure, tell him I'm sorry.'

'I will Laurs, now take care.'

'I will, good Luck.' With that we both hung up. I put my phone down and finished getting dressed. I was going out with Jules and Susana tonight. They didn't have tickets for the show and weren't going either so we all decided to go out. First we would go to dinner at a fancy restaurant and then we were going to a bar or something for drinks later. I didn't really get to have many nights like this so I was looking forward to it. I had been studying a lot and already had my exams this month so for now I was finished until school started in January again. Until then I didn't have any more school work to do so I could to whatever I wanted. Time off like this was something I really needed. I had studied a lot and I was really tired so a fun night out would probably help me, at least tonight. Tomorrow I would probably not be in such a fun mood, depends on how much I would end up drinking. The sound of the knocking on the door interrupted my thoughts and I went to open it. I invited Susana and Jules into the Apartment while I finished getting ready.