Complete Me(ManxMan)√

CHAPTER 1 : Mama Said√

[ Carlos ]

I didn't understand, I couldn't figure out what was going on or what I was feeling but, the feeling was there. It was as though there was a sudden light in my life, a ray of sunshine-figuratively speaking- but, I couldn't see where it came from, why it was there. I stared out of my window for hours, I didn't have much to do that morning so I took it upon myself to watch my street, lost in my own thoughts as I pondered my gut feeling. Mama always said, never disregard the feeling within. I listened to my mama.

The day flew by and for once, I did nothing. It was my day off after all but still, I usually had something to do, always and not because I wanted to have something to do. Finally, the clock struck 19:30 PM but I didn't move away from the window, my legs felt stiff but I didn't care, for once I wanted to watch the outside in peace without a thought or worr-

"Carlos!" I blinked once, then twice, then I turned to my door, waiting on him to enter. I didn't move as I heard his heavy footsteps come up my stairs. "Carlos, where are you? "He stopped and then the door knob turned and his face, clearly filled with annoyance greeted me. I tried for a smile, he wasn't supposed to be here.

"Hey, Phillip, how are you? I wasn't expecting you today." I walked over to him, wanting to greet him with a kiss when his hand flew to my face and pressure was added as he pushed me back. I blinked at him in confusion, irritation, anger as well as impatience resonated from his gaze. "What's wrong?" I asked calmly.

"Really? Have you forgotten what day it is or are you deliberately trying to annoy me? "I bit my lip knowing fully well how he got when he was annoyed. "It's Friday, Carlos, freaking Friday." My eyes widened as I realised the deliberate emphasis on the day.

"I forgot, I'm sorry, I'll get ready now." I said and started to head for my bathroom when his hand caught my elbow, forcing me to face him.

"Forget it, Carlos. We are already late. "His pale green eyes flashed." God, you are so stupid sometimes. "My lips parted, I already knew what to expect, this wouldn't be the first time I forgot about date night, no matter how many reminders he left for me, or how many times he called to check that I hadn't forgotten. "It's bad enough that I called you fifteen times today, what the hell? Are you fucking deaf or do you just really want to piss me off!? "I flinched, hating his vulgar language. Completely inappropriate.

"I'm sorry, Ph-"

"Really!? You think saying your pathetic little apology will fix all this? Your sorry? Well, you know what, I'm sorry." My breath caught as I held my breath, my blue eyes shone with tears. "I'm sorry that I ever went after you in the first place. I'm done, Carlos, done and this time I mean it." No, you don't, you do this every time, I thought to myself in dismay as he turned from me, his wide shoulders tense and his blonde hair fluttering with his movements. I did the only thing I thought was appropriate, I followed.

"Phillip, you can't mean that, I love you, Phillip. " Really, I do, I love him so much. He stopped halfway down the stairs and glared at me.

"If you loved me, you would have answered my calls, if you loved me you would have remembered how important tonight was, you would have remembered how we talked about it over and over, how you promised me that you would remember, because, you knew how tonight was supposed to be the night that I proposed. You and I thought it out perfectly, down to a T and you go and ignore me, forget the most important night of our lives." His nostrils flared as he looked at me, his hands clenched. "Carlos, you don't love me, you never did. "My breath caught and the tears fell.

I remembered everything, the endless nights of preparing for our engagement, the one he'd always had pictured so clearly in his mind, the one he told me of, told me that he wanted it to be with me and then asked me to help him, help him plan every detail of how he'd formally ask me to take his hand.

That's the problem, Phillip, knowing takes away the entire surprise, then there is nothing to be excited about. Why can't you see that I want more than schedules and plans?

"I'm sorry, Phillip, really I am." I stepped closer to him and his hand flew up.

"Save us both the heartache, Carlos, and let me leave." I did just as he'd asked. He looked at me for a moment and sighed before turning away from me and shutting the door behind him with a large slam. I leaned onto the wall and slowly slid down to my ass. I opened my mouth and choked on the lump in my throat. He was gone, I didn't know how long it would last. It happened always though, whenever we had a fight, even the smallest, he would either leave me or threaten to leave me. I was frustrated with his antics, if he didn't want me anymore, couldn't he just say?

I sat there as the tears fell down my face silently, I was never vocal with my pain, I never screamed when I cry, I still don't.

I sniffed and stood, ready to go to the kitchen and get myself a cup of coffee, hopefully sooth my headache when the door banged open. I halted, my heart speeding at an abnormal rate. I breathed a sigh of relief when I realised it was Phillip. I held a hand to my chest. I didn't scream, I never could even when I was frightened.

"Philli-"

"I'm sorry, "I blinked and my lips pursed as he closed the door gently behind him, he hadn't even been gone an hour, let alone thirty minutes. He got up the stairs and sighed, keeping some distance between us." I shouldn't have said all that. I didn't mean any of it you know. I was...hurt, you forgot. Again. It hurt because it made me think... Maybe you didn't want to be with me anymore. "He looked down, his hair flopping into his face.

"I should have remembered, I'm sorry, I know how much this meant to you." He looked up at me and walked closer, he took my hand in his.

"Meant to us. It was for the both of us." He pulled me closer and our chests were touching, I peaked at him and he smiled. "You look so beautiful, Carlos." He whispered to me as he leaned down and kissed my neck. He lingered and inhaled. "I love you so much." He said into my ear and I brought my hands up and around his neck. This was normal, it always happened, every two weeks at most. Normal, all normal, but not me.

He slid his hands down to my thighs and then hoisted me up, I wrapped my legs around his waist and held him close as he started his sweet torture on my neck. I faked a moan and closed my eyes, wanting it to be all over soon. He whispered his 'I love you' as he walked up the stairs to my room. I still felt empty, the words felt forced, meaningless. Useless. Normal, that was what I knew normal to be. What I convinced myself it should be.

He laid me down and hovered, his fingers worked on my belt buckle, he grinned. Do you even love me, Phillip? Am I really all you've ever wanted? I thought as he gazed down at me heatedly, not one trace of love, only lust.

I guess, that was the point in time like all the others, including the day I said yes to him that I didn't listen to what mama said. She would be so disappointed.