The Affectionate Player - Part2

Chapter 6

Having called ahead of his visit, I suppose to offset any potential confrontation with me, Max had led the policeman into the den, closing the door behind them. There they'd spent over an hour discussing developments in the case and once he'd left, Max had joined me in the nursery. There was no denying my impatience to know if Jonny had been discovered, not to mention if Geri had divulged any more useful information. Sensing my uncertainty, Max assured me of our safety going so far as to confirm he'd been in touch with a security firm, something he'd always in the past deemed unnecessary. This was news and totally unexpected where I was concerned but it was evident he would be taking no risks with the children. He would protect them, of that I was positive.

Having showered and dressed, I now sit in the kitchen with my coffee and croissant, a favourite birthday treat, contemplating lunch with my parents later today which I'm dreading. My party last Saturday, had been amazing with almost everyone considerate of all that had happened. Everyone bar Olivia, who I suspect has been tempted for days to intervene. What had been obvious though was my parent's contempt toward Max. Understandably, they've been shocked by his actions towards me and while I'm clearly feeling dejected, it worries me that they are too because we have to think of the children. At least I'm still talking to him unlike them.

It's not long before I hear Max and the kids on the landing and seconds later they join me in the kitchen. Holly looks beautiful and far too cute dressed in baby jeans and a floral dress top. I can't help but notice both boys grinning as they approach the table and in seconds I know why.

"Happy Birfday, mummy." Monty beams with pride as he presents the small blue box wrapped in its signature white, silk ribbon and throws his little body against mine.

Gripping him tightly, I kiss his cheek.

"I picked it, mummy."

I want to say thank you but I struggle as the words are caught somewhere in my throat.

"I got paper pounds fwom my money box and gave dem to the lady. And she wapped it up pwetty."

What the hell is wrong with me? I can't speak.

"Its fwom Holly and me."

Every emotion I have endured for the last eleven days since Holly and Monty were taken from me, followed by being arrested, hits me like a wrecking ball. Trying desperately to remind myself why I shouldn't break down and lose all self-control, my eyes search for Max. But instead of filling me with the resentment I was hoping for, I am lost, and there's simply nothing I can do to prevent myself from breaking.

Swallowing hard, I watch as he brushes tears from each of his cheeks. Our eyes lock but no words are spoken, yet there is understanding. The love I feel in my heart for the little boy in my arms erupts and as hot tears spring from my eyes, I'm completely overwhelmed.

Clinging to Monty, I'm reluctant to let go and stroking his soft, red curls I realise just how close we were to losing him, an awareness I've been too stubborn and hurt to acknowledge, or accept. How could I have been so blind to his father's need to protect him at all cost? Yes, I've been pushed beyond all acceptable limits, borne physical and emotional pain beyond anything I ever believed I was capable of, but I'm alive and I'm safe. And so are my children.

"Don't cwy, mummy." His words pierce the stone that my heart has endeavoured to become and his love pours over me like morning rain.

"It's okay, my baby boy." I hear my voice waver in between every sob exposing the depth of my despair.

"Mummy's happy, sweetheart. These are happy tears," Gently, I push him from me and cup his little face in my hands. "You are such a special boy, Monty. Mummy is crying because she loves you so much." Cradling my son, my eyes find Max once more and a soft smile touches his lips.

"Open your present, mummy," Max urges. "Let's see what's inside."

***************

Staring at my throat in the passenger mirror, I am unable to prevent yet another grin. The Tiffany necklace with two small hearts, one blue and one silver, hangs proudly around my neck.

"The blue one is fwom me, mummy, because I'm a boy. The other one is fwom Holly," Monty says for the fifth time since leaving the house. I stifle the little giggle erupting from my chest. He reveals all about purchasing my gift as Max drives us to meet my parents.

Pulling up alongside the curb, he releases his seatbelt, licks his lips and as he leans towards me, I sense butterflies in my tummy. I watch his wet mouth give instructions for a second time about where he'll be when I need him to come back. My concentration is non-existent and I hear nothing as my mind drifts imagining his lips caressing mine. What the...

"Gracie? Did you hear me?" Startled from my wayward thoughts, I somehow pull myself together answering him.

"Erm... Yes. I... you told me earlier," I confirm, laughing anxiously. "You'll be at Costa with your Kindle and I'm to call you when I need you. I can get a cab, you know?"

"Yes, I know you can, Gracie, and you probably would just to defy me and reinforce your independence." He smirks, knowingly. "But you need two car seats and unless you're prepared to challenge every black cab driver across London about why he or she doesn't carry them in the boot of their cab, then I think its best you phone me. Don't you?"

Bastard. He's right, of course. I should probably feel pissed off at needing him to help me and I know last week I would have felt just that. In fact, last week I'd have told him to go to hell. But this week, I feel different. This week, I feel less angry and more me.

Climbing from the car, I watch Max set up the Phil and Ted's, noting his every fluid movement. I don't know what has come over me today, perhaps its' turning 40 or perhaps I just need ten minutes with my bullet but bloody hell, I can't tear my eyes from him. As if reading my mind, he momentarily holds my gaze until when I'm completely mortified, I abruptly release my stare. But it's too late. He has witnessed my longing and senses my thoughts.

Shaking with uneasiness I step unto the pavement taking the kids from the car. Monty kicks off a little insisting he's too big for the pushchair but if I'm to manage them both today, I need him to behave. Max steps in settling him and once they're both strapped in, he turns to me clearing his throat. He's nervous as hell but then, so am I.

"Okay. The kids seem fine now. Enjoy yourself and pass on my regards to your parents."

"I will. And thank you. You've been great, Max." Embarrassment mounts and instinctively, my face falls. I can no longer look at him because he'll see into my soul and detect my waning tenacity.

A second or two passes before I feel his long finger beneath my chin and as he raises my face I feel my heart pound in my chest. He's going to kiss me. He's going to kiss me! And I want him to. As if in slow motion, his beautiful face moves forward, his oceans bearing into me. Gasping aloud and anticipating his lips on mine, I close my eyes. I hear little of the noisy traffic around me as soft, warm hands gently cup my cheeks. I wait eagerly, wanting in this moment nothing more than his arms around me and his lips on mine. But it doesn't happen.

Instead, his warm breath tickles my ear, melting me.

"Happy Birthday, beautiful. You know where I'll be." Opening my eyes, I watch in disbelief as he swiftly jumps into his car and disappears.