July 9th. I never realized how hard this day would be when I wrote the song. Honestly, I thought nothing of it at the time. When it happened, I'm not sure it actually was July 9th, I mean it could've been been July 10th or 11th or 14th for all I knew, July 9th just fit in the song. And little did I know, buy putting that tiny date into the song, it just made it worse. Now July 9th was a day that I dreaded. I was over Joe most of the time, but that wasn't what made it bad. It was all the reminders of everything. The reminders of the song that still made me cry. The reminders of how much it hurt at the time. And the hate. The hate I got for writing yet another song about my stupid heartaches. The hate was worst of all this year, and the day hadn't even begun.
It was July 8th, and as I was scrolling through Instagram, I could already see the hate pilling up. I didn't think it could get worse than last year, after Joe had to delete his picture because of all the rude comments. I guess it was the next day in Australia because those fans already posted their share of edits and 1:58 screenshots.
Just then I get a call from one of my friends, inviting me to go out somewhere. I agree, thinking it will take my mind off of everything. And it did. We just went out to dinner, walked around, got a drink.
By the time I'm walking home to my apartment in New York, it's 1 AM. As usual I'm surrounded by paparazzi. I try my best to ignore them but it's hard. I catch a few comments that stab me in the heart.
"Gonna go cry about Joe?"
"How does it feel to have everyone know about this day?"
"Are you over him Taylor?"
Keep walking. Head down Taylor, I tell myself. But I can't help it, my eyes are brimming now. All it will take is one comment, and those tears will come, I know it.
And that comment comes.
"When are you gonna suck it up and get over him? I mean you should just stop trying to fall in love because obviously no one will love you back, and you're just gonna get upset like this when they don't!"
That it. I hate crying in public. I try to wipe my eyes but it doesn't stop the flow of tears. I walk as quickly as I can to get away from those awful people. Get home, just get home, I say to myself over and over.
Finally I'm there, and I run straight to my room. I throw all my stuff down and rip my clothes off, wanting to get rid of everything that reminds me of what just happened. I put on my cat pajama shorts and an old fearless concert shirt. That shirt was from back when I had more fans than haters. I lose it. I slide down the wall, sobbing my eyes out. It's just too much for me to handle. I pick up my phone, which was a mistake, because when I turn it on, the time reads 1:58. I start to cry harder. But my tears are interrupted by a phone call. It's Ed, so I answer it.
"Hello?" I say shakily into the phone.
"Taylor." I can tell my his voice that he hears my tears. "I'm sorry I'm not there in time. I wanted to help you, but this stupid traffic. I'll be right there love. Everything's gonna be okay I promise," he says and hangs up.
What was that all about? I'm so confused. I didn't even invite him to come over or anything, I don't understand. But then I hear the doorbell, and knowing it must be him, I get up to answer it.
I open the door and Ed's standing there carrying a stack of DVDs and a tub of ice cream. And now I understand his phone call. He came here to help me through today. He tried to get here before 1:58 and before the paparazzi attacked me. I'm so surprised that anyone would ever do something this nice and this thoughtful for me.
"Ed!" I say and break down again. Ed puts the stuff he's carrying on the couch and engulfs me in a huge hug.
"It's okay, you're okay," he tells me, rubbing my back. "I got you, you're okay now." I pull him over to the couch and we both sit down.
"But-but-but Ed you d-d-don't understand," I stutter between sobs. "You didn't hear w-w-what they said."
"What did they say?" He asks softly.
"They s-said I should just get over Joe and stop looking for love b-because n-no one will ever love me," I say and break down with more sobs.
"Awh love I'm so sorry," Ed says and pulls me close. I bury my head into Ed's chest, and hide in his arms. We stay like this for a while, me soaking his shirt with my tears and him stroking my hair.
"I-I am over him. It's not that. It's just it still hurts a little you know?" I say and he nods. "And when they make it a big deal it makes it worse. And w-what they said.." I trail off.
Ed lifts my chin up so I have to look at him. "No one should be treated like that and I'm sorry. But so many people love you. Your family, your fans, me." he tells me.
"I know but I just get s-so much hate that it's hard to believe," I say and bury my head in his arms. Ed just rubs my back and tries to calm my sobs down.
"Can I just stay here forever?" I ask and Ed laughs.
"Hey but if you come out, I brought ice cream!" He says, and this gets me to lift my head.
"You know me too well!" I say with a smile.
"Hey I got you to smile!" Ed says. "Success!" I laugh and grab the ice cream.
Soon were lying on the couch, with giant bowls of ice cream, watching a movie. "Hey thank you for doing this," I say softly. "It really helped."
Ed smiles and says, "No problem Tay. I hate it when you're sad."
"Awh c'mere," I tell himself he scoots over on the couch and gives me a hug. We stay like that for the rest of the movie, cuddled against each other, and eventually we fall asleep, my head on his chest and his hands in my hair. And if it weren't for Ed, I don't know how I would make it through this day.
