Don't Leave Me Here Alone

Where are you?

It was late into the afternoon the next day before I left my apartment again. I wanted to visit the museum because I haven't been there in awhile. Besides I didn't have anything else to do. I was tired of drawing Bucky. Seeing his face and not having him there with me; It physically hurts. My chest constantly feels tight and I'm always on the verge of tears. I don't know what hurts the most; when I watched him fall to his death or when I know he is alive but not himself. He died when he was Bucky but he woke up as the Winter Soldier.

Walking around the museum caused memories to flow into my mind. From Bucky and I's childhood to the war. Some memories made me smile and other memories made me wipe tears away before anyone saw them. Staring at the mural of all the Commandos brought on tears that I couldn't wipe away quick enough.
"It must be hard to deal with the emotional pain." A soft voice said. "You know being the only one left out of them." I looked to my left towards the voice to find a woman in her late twenties looking at me. I wiped away the tears and looked at her. A weight wrapped around my legs startling me. When I looked down I was met with a small girl around the age of eight with a pair of emerald eyes mixed with specs of blue. There were tears building in her ocean like eyes and the small girl squeezed tighter.
"Arwen"Her mother spoke in warning but I smiled lightly to let her know I didn't mind.
"Please don't be sad Captain. They wouldn't want you to cry. They would want you to smile." The little girl named Arwen spoke. I looked at her mother again silently asking permission to pick her up and she nodded her consent. I leaned down and picked little Arwen up. I looked the little girl in her eyes and told her something I haven't told anyone.
"Thank you Miss Arwen. You have made me smile for the first time in many months. I lost hope that I would be okay but you brought that back to me." Arwen looked absolutely pleased that she was able to help me. "Want to know a secret?" She nodded enthusiastically. "I found out awhile ago that my best friend James is still alive." Her eyes widened at the news. "I was about to give up on finding him but you convinced me not to. Thank you little one. Thank you so much." I started to cry again but she reached a delicate hand out and wiped away my tears away and kissed my cheek. She brought her hands back up to my face and curved my mouth into a smile. "No being sad, remember?" I put Arwen back down and turned to her mother. She extended her hand tome.
"Anne." She smiled. I took her hand and told her my name.She obviously knew me but I was being polite. "You look like you need a cup of coffee and someone to talk to." She commented. I accepted her invitation.

I found myself at a near by park sitting on a bench watching little Arwen play with the other kids on the slide. Anne and I sat in silence while we drank our coffee. I was lost in my thoughts and was hardly paying attention. A hot substance burning my leg brought me out of my thoughts.

"Ah. Shi- Crap. Imean crap." I remembered there were little ones around. Feminine giggling brought my attention to Anne.
"You really are distracted Captain Rogers."
"Steve. Please."
"Steve" She agreed. "So we have our coffee. Now all you have to do is talk to me."
"There isn't much to tell." I set my coffee aside and looked away from her.
"Oh really. You haven't been sleeping,you haven't been eating and you are worried for James. You can't talk to your friends because they won't listen. So.. why not talk tome?"
"How could yo-" I started but was cut off.
"How could I know? You have bags under your eyes that you tried to cover with concealer. It started to come off when you were crying in the museum. On the Post-Serum board it states your normal weight. You are clearly not at that mark. You must have lost at least twenty-five pounds. Conclusion not eating. Your worry for James is a given seem show you guys were so close during childhood and the war and lastly;If you could talk to your friends you wouldn't look so lost and alone as you do now." She finished and took a sip of her coffee.
"You are like Sherlock Holmes!" I stared at her in absolute shock. "That was brilliant." I chuckled.
"So Steve." She began. "What is on your mind?" I knew I had to tell her now. There was nothing I could hide. She may be a perfect stranger but she is the perfect stranger to speak my mind to.
"You were right about everything except the weight loss. I have lost thirty pounds." I smirked at her defeated face. "I do feel lost and alone. I have been in this time for awhile now and yet everything still feels foreign and wrong.Then Bucky came back and I just kind of lost it. I realized how alone I truly was in this time. My friends don't understand. They can't see my depression. They can't see the fake smiles and weight loss. All they see is the strong willed Captain I once was. When I first joined the war I wasn't sent to fight like I had hoped. I was turned into a performing monkey. Wearing a ridiculous costume, dance numbers, and scripted lines. At first it was all right, but then I found out what the troops really thought of me. I was a joke. When I was told Bucky was most likely dead after being captured I couldn't bring myself to believe he was gone. So I went against orders and located him and rescued all of the captured troops from a Hydra base. After that I felt like I actually belonged somewhere. I felt at home. I haven't felt at home anywhere since. My friends just don't understand that.They don't understand why I need to find Bucky so badly. When I learned that he was still alive I thought I could find some comfort in knowing that not all of my friends were gone. I am so tired of being alone." I finished with a sigh. Anne stayed silent for a little bit after that. I can't imagine that she was expecting anything of the sort that I just told her.
"I see. I am not going to pretend I know how you feel about losing everyone you cared for and I am not going to pretend I know what it feels like to be transported to a time you don't belong in; but I can tell you that Iknow the feeling of loneliness. It isn't fun or enjoyable. It is maddening truth be told. You said you need to find James. Correct?"I nodded while staring at the ground. "Why do you need to find him in the first place? Was he taken?" She asks.
"No. He saved me from drowning a year ago and I haven't seen him since. He didn't remember me for a while; but he must remember something now. I mean.. come on. He saved me when he was sent to kill me in the first place." I was growing irritated. 'Why did you run Buck?'
'Where are you?'
"Hmm. I see, I saw the reports and news. James is the one that destroyed part of Washington right?" I nodded again.
"Well all I can offer is my advice and a friend. I think if I lost my memories and started to remember things again. I would go to a familiar place. An old house perhaps? Have you looked back in Brooklyn yet?" I snapped my head to her and saw she had an eyebrow raised.

"I am so stupid! Why didn't I think of that?! I have been looking around here. I thought he wouldn't leave Washington because he would have nowhere to go. Anne you're a genius!" I pulled her into a hug. A few tears fell from my eyes. I was so happy. I could feel that I was going to find Bucky and soon. I pulled away from the hug and stood up.
"I should call Stark and go pack. I have a friend to find and a long ass drive in order to get there." She stood up and called Arwen over to us.
"Are you leaving Captain?" Arwen's sweet voice ask me.
"Yes I am little one but can I ask you something?" She nodded. I pulled my small notebook out of my pocket and knelt down to her height. "Can I have the autograph of the little hero who saved me?" She smiled bigger than I thought possible and jumped up and down saying yes over and over. I opened the book to the next empty page and handed the book to her. She sat on the bench and started to sign her name. I stood back up and looked to her mother again.
"You have made her entire year I think."Anne started to giggle while staring at her concentrating daughter."She has admired you since she was five."
"Your daughter  saved me with the kindness in her heart. I am going to guess and says he got that from you and your husband." I motioned to the ring on her left hand. "I hope you know that you two have helped me more in the few hours we have known each other than my friends have this past year. Thank you for that." She started to giggle again but then it turning into actual laughter.
'Did I say something funny' I thought to myself.
"Oh Steve." She took a deep breathe before she finished her sentence. "It is natural to think that I am married to a man but alas I am not. I am married to a woman named Margret." I face-palmed and started to apologize profusely but Anne assured me that she took no offense. We exchanged numbers and promised to keep in touch. Arwen gave me my notebook back with her wiggly but readable autograph in it and we went our separate ways.
"Hey Capsicle." Tony answered with a cheery tone. I could hear AC/DC in the background. Which meant he was in his lab. I have read through Bucky's file. I wasn't sure how Tony would take this information about Bucky considering he was responsible for his parents death. It was the only shot I had in finding Bucky. Tony could search through video feed faster than I could search on foot. I have been hesitant to ask.

"Hey Stark.." I answer with a waver in my voice. " I need a favor."
"I am guessing with the hesitation in your voice it has to do with your old friend Barnes." He answers somewhat casual but you could still hear the bitterness in his voice. "I know what your going to ask for Steve and I hope you know exactly what you are asking." He continued. Well that wasn't a direct no. "One of my jets will meet you at the airport. No sense in driving here. We'll talk in person." With that he hung up. 'Well that could have gone a lot worse'

~Authors note: Hey dames and fellas. I just wanted to see if anyone was enjoying the story so far...? ^.^