Seattle Angel

Seattle Angel's Pain

If i continued my life with him i might not even be here... either from him or from myself.

I already witnessed enough violence growing up. So I threw out all of his belongings and had a locksmith come and change my locks.

I figured if my life was already dark and lonely before i met him, that's less painful than getting abused mentally & physically on top of all that.

Although I am constantly cautious and extremely jumpy, with my mind constantly racing thoughts of him coming back to get me and hurt me in anyway he can, which I am certain he will try.

Ben might be out of my life for now but he left me feeling so worthless. Like he told me on a daily basis that i am nothing in this world.

That is why nobody wants me in their life, that its all my fault. I am worthless and everyone leaves because of me.

I gradually sit up in my bed. My eyes still blurry as I look over at my alarm clock, just managing to make out the numbers which now reads 8 am.

I dread getting out of bed everyday, from being in a safe cosy slumber to the cold harsh world of reality.

I eventually get to my feet, stumbling towards my bedrooms bathroom door. I walk over to the bathroom vanity, feeling the sweat dripping down my body.

I turn the cold water tap on high, placing my hands under the rushing cold water. Splashing it on my face and rub my hand around the back of my neck washing the sweat away.

Wishing i could just wash away all the pain of yesterdays.

My arms holding me up against the old outdated sink.

Glancing up at my reflection in the mirror. I feel so ashamed and appauled of what i see, and how i let my life turn out.

I see a nineteen year old girl who nobody has ever wanted or ever would want.

A girl who lost all her self esteem, all her self worth and felt as if she were a ghost.

As I stare back at my appalling reflection, I see my long blonde hair is like a birds nest. My blue-green eyes bloodshot from a lack of sleep & my face still half caked with makeup from last nights shift.

My black eye makeup smudged that much i look like a female Alice Cooper.

The ivory foundation is weathered and smudged on my fair skin. I can see purple bruises along my cheek and eye, along with numerous purple marks all over my small frame.

I always try the best i can to cover them before i go out or to work. I thought they would have healed by now, but they take a long time to heal on me for some reason.

I turn off the faucet of gushing water, running my bony fingers through the knots of my long blonde hair.

As I look down towards the tiled floor at my short frame. I only just notice that i didn't even get changed from my last nights shift.

I was in my very small red bra and matching G-string along with fine fish net stockings underneath.

I am of ashamed of my job, but after my gran left me the house and not being able to hold a job anywhere else. The only job i could get was at the 'Cheetah'. Its not far from here as an exotic dancer which is just a nicer way of being called a stripper.

I do enjoy dancing, but i do hate having to strip, especially in front of dirty old men you always see in seedy strip clubs.

Which i just remembered i have another shift tonight, but at least I'm on early.

I always hope that i will get big tips, considering i only get half of what I make, because of my asshole dirty boss who always takes half or more of what i make.

He has also been shrinking my hours every week so i have no idea how long its going to last.

So once I don't earn any money there.. I will be screwed as I have had no luck getting a job anywhere else. Plus I have lots of bills to keep up on.

I sigh and walk back in to my bedroom to grab some clothes.

I then notice that i must of been that tired last night, I stripped out of my full length jacket ( there's no way i would walk out to my car wearing just my under garments), with my handbag and my clear 7 inch stripping heels were just dumped on the floor in the doorway.

After i picked out a soft grey jumper and pale blue jeans, I head back into the bathroom to take a nice long hot shower.

Once I am all refreshed, i head downstairs to make myself a coffee.. a strong one at that.

I'm the last person you want to deal with in the morning without a coffee (devil woman). I put on some coffee to brew, as i stand waiting for it to finish which feels like forever when you want it right away.

I look around observing my large half-empty, dead quite home. I see my Gran's old collection of framed photos lined up all sitting on an old long wooden cabinet. Located not far from the kitchen area near the front door.

There's a few pictures of my grandmother and I. I still always feel on the verge of breaking down crying every time I see her angelic, caring and happy face.

Along with other numerous photos taken from over the years and the telephone sitting on it.

I then see the last photo which is of Duff and I, from what Donner snuck up on us with a camera. It is of Duffs tall frame carrying me over his shoulder spinning me around, the both of us looking up at the camera with the biggest smiles.

The nostalgic happy times. How does life go from being so warm to oh so cold, so quickly?.

The loud whistle of the coffee pot awakens me out of my thoughts, after staring at all of the treasured memories. They are all now just pictures of the past.

I pour myself a strong coffee in my Marilyn Monroe coffee mug. Then pad over to sit at the old pine dining table with my coffee, flicking through the latest issue of Creem magazine.

Every time i flick through any rock magazine i await to come across Duffs face. I just know he will make it big someday.

I wish i could just talk to him again even just once. The last time i managed to talk to Duff was just before my asshole ex moved in.

I could never call Duff, with him not having a steady place & phone number.

So he had to always call me. But i only heard from him a couple times when he very first got there.

I just guessed he had moved on with his new life and had forgotten about me, which wouldn't be very hard. But i wouldn't forget him, i just hope he is happy and safe.

I decide to head out to my old 1975 Ford Galaxie wagon which i managed to buy at a bargain price, from one of the other strippers at work.

Its old but it runs like new, a bonus that I am pretty good with cars. Besides it is good enough to get me where I need to go.

I decide to go stock up on some groceries and necessities to pass by time till i need to head back to the 'Cheetah' tonight. Oh so thrilling.

----
She might just have her wish granted ;). Picture above is how i picture Megan Garner to look like. Please read, vote & comment, I'd love to hear what you guys think. Thanks for reading!