The Moment I First Saw You -minizerk AU-

Roller Coaster of Emotions

"What?" Simon said surprised.

I couldn't even look at him, I didn't want to look at him. My heart was hurting and nothing could heal it. I was falling into an endless pit and my safety rope was taken away.

"Josh, I'm so sorry. I had no clue. I though..." Simon said before I had cut him off.

"What? You thought that I was going to kiss her even though I am completely in love with you. It just shows me how much you trust me." I said looking at him then looking the other way.

"Josh." He said.

The teacher then came in and Simon took a seat. I couldn't concentrate. I could do anything.

Every time the teacher would look the other way someone would throw something at me.

I hate everything. Nothing is getting better. Nothing will get better. I'm never going to be happy. So why even live.

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It was then lunch time and I decided to sit with Tobi and Vik.

They normally sit at a table with just one another and sometimes other friends. I would normally sit with Freya or go to the library with Simon.

"What happened?" Vik asked.

I then see Tobi explain what happen to me. At least that is what I am guessing due to the fact that he is whispering to him.

"So I guess the word got around I am a fag and Simon has a new girl toy." I said just looking down.

I couldn't think of eating. I could think of anything. I don't care. I don't care what is going to happen. I hate everything. Nothing is good.

"Josh? Can I talk to you?" I hear Simon say from behind me.

I could tell it was his voice from a mile away. From his beautiful tone.

"I don't think that is.." Vik was about to say until I got up to go walk with him.

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We then went out to the bleachers. The exact area where our first kiss was. I felt like I was going to cry. Just thinking about that beautiful moment and now where I am right now.

"Josh, if I knew." Simon said.

"What?! You wouldn't have kissed her?! You would've just went to the classroom and wait for me?! Like I told you to?! Is that suppose to make me feel better?! Is that suppose to make me forgive and forget?! You didn't trust me Simon!" I yelled not being able to look at him because it hurt to much to yell at him.

It hurt even more to just forgive him.

"Josh. I-I was caught off guard by the girl she kissed me and - and then I saw you and - and truth be told I was think of you not her. I don't even know who she is. I don't even like her. I like you. I guess I kept kissing her because I was thinking that we could have girlfriends who can keep us covered, but I don't want that if you don't. I don't care what people think, I knew that you do. I don't know. I'm- I'm sorry." He said as he fell to the ground.

I knew he was serious, I knew he was hurting just like me. But I can't, I can't believe him. I can't get hurt even more then I already am.

"I'm sorry Simon. I thought I could trust you. I really did. But you broke my heart. Harder then anyone in this whole entire universe. I have been through so much and nothing has hurt more than this. I thought that you loved me. I thought that you care. I thought that you trusted me. I thought that I couldn't trust you. I thought you were going to be there for me as I would be there for you. It is all just a lie." I started to walk away. But something was stopping me.

I couldn't leave. I knew I had to leave. I have to leave. I need to leave. I can't do this.

"Josh?" Simon said as he grabbed my shoulder.

"No Simon ! I can't." I said as I grabbed his hand of my shoulder.

I then got a shock through my body. Touching his hand made me so happy. But I hurt so much to touch his hand.

"You can't what? You obviously can't leave. Or else you would've already been gone." Simon said looking at me with his beautiful dark blue eyes.

His eyes were a little red, with stained tears coming down his face to his cheeks. I then saw a tear start to fall. I cupped his cheek and then wiped away the tears.

Then something that I didn't want to happen, happened. We had kissed. I wanted to kiss him. But I knew I shouldn't. But there was just something in body urging me to stay with him. My mind was telling me no, but my heart was telling me yes. For the first time I went with me heart and it led me to see that I love him. I don't care what happened. All I knew was that I love him and I want to be with him.