Larry Stylinson - Turning From Praise (AU)

12.

“I’m not gay,” Louis said quickly. Was he? He still didn’t know. He definitely couldn’t rule the possibility out, at least in his own mind, but he felt that denying it would be the safest thing to do when his mother was in this sort of mood. Let’s ignore the irony of ‘whispering poisonous nonsense into my ears’ for now, shall we?

“I know that, darling, of course you aren’t,” Jay soothed, like being gay was something disgustingly insulting and he needed reassurance, which made Louis grind his teeth with frustration. “But people like that want to make you like them, they’d try to make you gay.”

He couldn’t contain himself any longer. “What’s so terrible about being gay?” he said boldly.

Her mouth fell open in horror.

“I – I mean – I’m not, but – and I know it’s not – but why?” he asked, burning with curiosity. “Why is it so awful? What harm are they doing to anyone? They’re just making someone else who’s gay happy, by being in love with them – and God wants that, doesn’t he, people’s happiness? He’s good, and kind, and all-loving – so that means he loves everyone, even gay people! God loves women and men, so why are men not allowed to love each other too? Why does it make God angry? I don’t understand!”

Jay’s nostrils flared and she reached inside the pocket of the apron she was wearing, pulling out the pocket-sized edition of the Bible that she carried around everywhere with her. She slammed it down onto the table in front of Louis, and he stared at the scarlet cover with its little gold cross in silence. “Thou shalt not lie with a man as one lies with a woman!” she hissed, stabbing furiously at the cover.

“But…why?”

“Because the Bible says so!”

“Yes, but who’s to say God says so?”

“The Bible is God’s holy book, his way of telling us his will on earth –”

“But God didn’t write the Bible, some guy wrote it! A whole bunch of guys wrote it, ordinary human guys! A bunch of scribes wrote it, years and years ago; there’s no proof that God told them anything! You just have to take their word for it. They might have been making it up for all we know, how do people know we can trust something written hundreds of years ago by a load of ordinary guys –”

“They were prophets, under the guidance of the Lord,” she insisted furiously. “Louis Tomlinson, I don’t want to hear another word of this from you, do you understand me? I don’t understand where this new attitude of yours has come from, but I don’t like it – questioning the Lord, answering back, practically blaspheming! I told you last night; I won’t have this talk under my roof. We’re good, God-fearing people, and you’ve always been a good son, but I want you to stop all of this nonsense before your sisters catch on to it. Daisy and Phoebe are just at the age when they’re easily affected by this sort of thing; they’ll mimic everything you do and I don’t want to hear them parroting all of this wild talk back to the rest of the parish! I’ll ask Father Marshall to have a private word with you after communion on Sunday; perhaps he’ll be able to talk some sense into you. In the meantime, for goodness’ sake stop with all of this silly new-age drivel. You’ll be turning into one of these agnostics next – or an atheist.” She closed her eyes in horror. “Why does homosexuality make God angry? – what a lot of rubbish. It’s against his will, and that’s the end of it. Questioning the Lord never got anybody anywhere.”

Louis opened his mouth to argue, but she slammed the flat of her hand down on the table, making him jump.

“No! No more, I won’t have it. Your father and I are taking your sisters to the Botanical Gardens later, are you going to come with us and act like the responsible older brother you’re supposed to be, or not?