Star Wars: The Clone Wars - Anakin Skywalker

A Long Merciless Journey

ANAKIN'S POV

Anakin stood in the the field of destruction, surrounded by mangled machinery and wounded men, his legs trembling violently, as if planning to slip from underneath him at any moment. The icy vapour that coated the barren landscape of Vanqor seemed to be seeping through his now loose robes that had once fitted perfectly over his nimble form, making him long more than anything to curl up in a ball somewhere warm and safe so he didn't have to keep his eyes open for another second, so he didn't have to think of the days that had passed so hopelessly, full of guilt, hunger and exhaustion. Yet with the hours that lay ahead, he knew he'd have no time to even lay his aching head down. All he could do was hope that he could last for just a little longer.

Anakin had never felt as unsteady as he did at that moment. For several days, the battle of Vanqor had been raging on and Anakin had been forced to fight day and night alongside his men, feeling his hopes slipping away more and more as the mindless machines continued to march relentlessly over the rocky formations of the valley, his troops falling unceasingly at their feet. And even though the clone army had claimed victory, it felt to Anakin as though no one had won, the price they'd payed higher than what they had gained. And the worst part of it was knowing that it was all his fault.

No matter how many time Rex had tried to convince him that it wasn't, Anakin couldn't seem to free himself from the guilt that gnawed at his insides. He'd always been able to rely on his own quick wittedness to get him and his troops out of a tight situation. He'd always had a plan, a strategy, a tactic that lowered the number of casualties considerably. However, this time the Separatists had the upper hand on the battlefield and when the time came for the brilliant strategy to reveal itself, Anakin realised with cold ice sliding into his stomach that the only way they stood a chance was to order his men to charge into the brunt of gunfire. He knew deep down that there had been no other way to win the battle, yet that didn't stop the inner feeling of disgust he felt towards himself. It was the reason why he was still standing there on the conflict scarred land, swaying feebly in the bone chilling breeze, not sure if he was quite ready to face his men, his fearless soldiers who had relied on him to protect as many of their brothers as he could.

He'd failed them all, and the reality of that seemed to be the thing that wore him down the most. He had nothing stable to hold onto, nothing to prevent him from crashing to his knees. He was used to feeling wary, yet the wrongness he sensed deep within the Force made his exhaustion and uneasiness only seem worse. He hadn't slept in days. Neither had he eaten. And with his Padawan, Ahsoka safe in Coruscant due to being excused from this mission, he had no one left to help him.

"General Skywalker?" spoke a unusually nervous voice behind him, knocking Anakin so harshly out of his thoughts that he almost leaped out of his skin, whipping around sharply, a sensation of hysteria growing inside him which he could only assume was from the continual instability in the Force.

There, standing stiffly behind him was Rex himself, his eyes and face completely covered behind his visor, his armour clotted with grey dust. Anakin knew he should have sensed the Captains presence, yet the Force in a way, if it was even possible, seemed ill, causing Anakin's stomach to feel kind of funny - and not in a good way either.

"What's the report, Captain?" Anakin asked with a voice completely deprived of emotion.

"We've been given our orders, Sir. The Admiral has asked us to return to the Resolute for our voyage back to Coruscant."

Anakin was only given a second of relief before dread consumed him once more. He knew that with the duties desperately requiring his attention, he wasn't going to even have a second to sit down, let alone lie down. He felt as though a large block of ice had slid down his throat and into his stomach.