Star Wars: The Clone Wars - Anakin Skywalker

Memory

Memory - Delta Goodrem (CATS The Musical) ^^^

ANAKIN'S POV

Silence. Barely a sound. Not even an echo could disturb the ambient night as the lustrous moonlight fluttered through the wide, ceiling-high windows, decorating the marble floors below. Anakin's footsteps were soundless as he wandered the halls of the Jedi Temple, sleep evading him, his azure eyes large as he took in the wonder of the Coruscanty night. How beautiful it was, the metropolis glowing with its own beaming light, all of multiple colours and transparencies, yet none were as bright as the moon as it smiled down on the planet below, the guardian of the darkness, a guide for all those who were lost. And Anakin was lost...

Entwined within his flesh-fingers was Ahsoka's Padawan Braid, the silica beads cool against his skin as he held them against his chest, memories flooding back in streams of both happiness and sadness congealed into one. He reminisced on the times when they had both walked this same path on numerous occasions when neither could find comfort in sleep, but instead in each other's company. They'd ponder along the corridors until sunrise, talking for hours on end, leaning on each other if one became exhausted or if it all became too much. Sometimes Anakin would find his young apprentice lolling around the Temple, fast asleep and would gently guide her back to the safety of her bed, or Ahsoka would find him still leaning over paperwork and would forcefully lead her drowsy Master to their quarters, promising to assist him in finishing the reports in the morning. They'd even spar together if they were both very much awake in the hopes of wearing each other thin of all the energy that remained buzzing inside them and would find themselves curled on the floor of the training hall, late morning sunlight practically blinding them with a very disapproving Mace Windu to deal with, which was not a nice sight to wake up to at that time of day.

The memory of Ahsoka's sunset hued features grinning pleasantly up at him, her turquoise orbs sparkling used to always solidify within his mind... And then the image would liquefy to reveal a new memory, one where her once beaming eyes would dull, instead brimming with tears, her lips thinned as she struggled to not let them fall...broken...defeated... That was all he could see now as he thought of her, her grief taunting his vision as it swam inside his mind. He longed to rid himself of the images, to bring back the ones where she smiled, where nothing could trouble her, yet it was impossible, her heartbreak seeming to fracture his own heart as he watched her once again grasp his hand in her own and curl his own fingers around her Padawan Braid before she turned away, striding out of his life forever... "I'm sorry, Master. But I'm not coming back..."

Nightmares haunted him of her, a plague within his sleep. Anakin could feel her heart throbbing within his own, their beats in sync, their breaths weaved into one as he searched endlessly within the smoke, a shadow of her agony inflicting his body until he saw her, her body drenched in blood, hanging from the hands of death. Then he would awake, a screaming, tangled heap of himself and realised that she was still no where to be found, despite how her essence within the Force still caressed his own. He longed to not experience this whenever he closed his eyes, to not feel his soul shatter every time he thought of her, every time her name was uttered, every time he felt her grief leak faintly into the bond they still shared as she struggled to shield herself from him. Ahsoka was gone, he knew that, yet despite all he had been tort, letting go was the hardest part of it all.

He felt the agony rip at his throat, slithering inside his lungs, gradually suffocating him from the inside as he reached a small balcony that hovered over the city, the railing rimed with pale stone. He walked to the edge and leaned heavily on the marble beam, stretching out his hand from his chest to gaze remorsefully at the silvery beads, the loneliness of the night piercing his already ruptured soul. He'd always known from a young age that the universe was a lonely place, no matter how many people you surrounded yourself with, yet he had never truly acknowledged it until now when he stood alone in the moonlight, the moon just as lonely as himself, despite the glimmering stars surrounding it.

His eyes filled with water diamonds as he watched the moonlight bounce off the rounded silica chain, an idea filtering through his mind that caused a nausea to bubble inside his stomach. The braid was his last connection he had left to his dear Padawan, his dear friend, his dear sister. Whenever he held it, he could see her crestfallen features, he could feel her heart shatter, he could hear her sob... If he could somehow loose it...it could possibly free him...yet the idea was too horrible...yet it was...right...

He closed his eyes, feeling the tears break through his slitted eyelids and cascade down like rain on a gloomy day, raising his fist to his forehead, the braid clutched tightly within it as he sobbed silently. And then he opened his eyes once more, his sight hazy as he drew his fist back behind his shoulder and threw the beads almost aggressively over the edge, his rage, hatred, sadness, grief and loneliness seeping into the motion. He watched completely still as it fell into the chaos of the Coruscanty streets below, disappearing like a stone traveling along the currents of a violent stream. And then she was gone, faded, her features gradually sliding away with the beads and a loud sob choked him, breaking the soundlessness of the night, his knees buckling and his body slipping against the railing until he was nothing but a quaking heap of himself below, his tears falling in puddles onto the marble floor.

He remained there for the rest of the night, as if in vigil mourning her dead body, because Ahsoka truly seemed dead...and so was her memory...

~~~~

Hey guys!

Thanks for reading another story of my collection! This collection has now over 1000 views, so thank you all so much! You have no idea how much this means to me :)

Anyway, I wrote this story because last week I went to see CATS the Musical, which is amazing by the way, and I loved Delta Goodrem's interpretation of Grizabella and, in my opinion, sings the best version of Memory. So, I channeled this beautiful, yet tragic song into a story of Anakin's deep grief and loneliness after Ahsoka leaves the order, which turned out better than I expected.

This story, in a way can be seen as a continuation of Let Go... if you look hard enough.

Thanks so much!

M. Elyse Lynch