In Search of Tomorrow ✓

Sixteen

When I went upstairs to Maddie and Clare's bedroom after wiping away my tears and pasting on a smile, I saw my sisters curled up in their bed as Katie read them a story. I ran my hands through my hair nervously and stepped inside the room; the three of them looked up, clearly startled.

"Hi, Evelyn," said Maddie, hopping out of bed and hurrying over to wrap her arms around me. "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine," I said, squeezing her back and then picking her up and setting her back on the bed. "I'm just your crazy sister."

Clare turned to give me a look that said I hope you told him everything, and I glared at her until she lowered her gaze and went back to looking at the book Katie was reading. I hopped onto the bed and leaned against the headboard, crossing my arms. "I can finish the story, if you want, Katie," I said. "You probably want to go home."

Smiling, Katie handed me the book and then gave me a quick hug. "You don't have to come into work tomorrow," she said. "You probably want the day off, and anyway, business is really slow. You know that yourself."

I was too drained to even recognize the now-familiar sense of panic in my stomach as I thought of the lack of money coming in from Skyport Creamery. "Thanks," I said, "for watching the girls and...for everything."

With a nod, Katie said goodbye to my sisters and then I went downstairs to let her out of the house. "Are you sure everything's okay?" she asked as she stepped out onto the porch, clutching her purse in one hand.

"Of course," I said, faking a smile. "Everything's perfect."

As she turned and disappeared down the driveway, I couldn't help but think how far from perfect everything actually was.

~*~*~

When I got to school the next day, I had dark circles under my eyes and I was so pale I was probably scaring everyone off who turned to talk to me. At lunchtime, I sat with Cameron and his group of friends, picking at my food but not really eating anything.

"Hey, Evelyn."

I looked up, half in a daze, and saw Cameron leaning towards me, whispering so the rest of the table couldn't hear me over their preoccupied chatter. "I was thinking, since you had the day off work, you could come over to my house tonight for dinner with my parents. You can bring Maddie and Clare, too."

The thought of not having to worry about preparing dinner and cleaning dishes that night was an immense relief. "I'd love to," I whispered back, forcing back a yawn. "What time do you want me to come over?"

"Let me check with Mom and Dad," he said, and I nodded before turning back to my lunch.

The rest of the day, I was a zombie. I crawled through American History while Mr. Copeland lectured, and even the funny side notes he added in that usually kept my attention didn't keep my mind from wandering. For the first time since Cameron started tutoring me, I resorted back to my old ways, doodling instead of taking notes and allowing my eyes to droop shut sleepily.

During biology, Ashley ignored me while we dissected a frog together, her annoyance with me increasing the more time I spent with Cameron. Had I not been so tired, I would have asked Ms. Reeves for a partner transfer, but I just let her do all the work and sat on my stool, jiggling my legs.

After English, I practically sleep-walked to my locker, grabbed my things, hitched my backpack over one shoulder, and made my way out of the school, relieved it was Friday and the weekend was now here. I didn't even have the slightest idea how I'd manage to stay awake during dinner with Cameron's parents, or even during the drive home, but I figured I'd drink coffee when I got home and hopefully it would give me an energy boost.

Getting in the car had started to scare me again-even sitting in the driver's seat-and I was shaking as I navigated to the elementary school carpool line and waited for Maddie and Clare. My left foot was shaking furiously, and I had to force myself to keep the car in position as my eyes darted around the school at all the other vehicles in motion-all potentials for crashes.

All my confidence that I had worked so hard to build back up since the crash two and a half years ago was collapsing under the influence of the collision I'd witnessed, and had narrowly avoided, just one night prior. It was taking everything in me not to go back to letting my past haunt me twenty-four/seven, and my father's words I had worked so hard to drown out.

She's dead, Evelyn, and it's your fault.

It was all my fault.