text me back >> joshler

eight - this is probably sad for you but have you noticed thats my intention?

"why?" he asked. i sighed and closed my eyes. trying hard to prepare myself for this. i kind of just went mute. i don't know why but every time this thing happened the person left. that, or said something that resembled how stupid i am, then left. i was shocked at this point.

after a while he slowly released his arms from me and sat back up on my hips. i was still laying on the floor as he traced the lines that remind me of other times on my stomach. i shied away at the touch, feeling goosebumps rise on my skin as his finger ran across the scars that stretched over me.

"i asked why, tyler. i want an explanation." he said confidently. but i could tell he was so close to falling off the edge and breaking. he was trying to hide it but i heard it in the way his voice quivered and shook in fear of my answer yet in pure anticipation and curiosity.

"i-i just- i was just- i was just fucking broken. people knew that a-and they didn't care. okay?" i asked. i didn't want a rerun of the whole thing. i wanted a short little explanation and thats it. he didn't though, he wanted it all.

"tyler." he exaggerated and i folded my arms over my eyes. before he had moved his hands from my stomach, but he now put them back. retracing the scars i found so trivial yet others took so heavily. his touch caused another layer of goosebumps to rise but also a thin little layer of reasoning and confidence in telling him. of course i didn't want to but he has the right, i guess.

"i- i was in ninth grade, okay? i was just starting out the middle of the school year. before, i was just invisible. then people finally decided to notice me. i think i enjoyed it at first, getting noticed. b- but after the first few weeks they noticed more about me. t-they only noticed the bad stuff. a-and i-i. th-they w-were.." my voice began to shake and i stopped talking for a moment just to breathe.

"t-they.. they were.." i couldn't feel the air anymore. i felt my chest moving up and down and at a rapid pace, but i couldn't feel the air flowing in and out of my lungs.

"j-josh. i-i don't.." i removed my arms from my face as i started breathing rapidly. i sat up and looked around the room a little bit dizzily and in a scared fashion. josh noticed and i felt him grab my shoulders and move his head in my line of sight.

"tyler? tyler are you okay? tyler? okay just breathe. in and out, okay? in. and out. good." he chimed as he breathed for demonstration and i mimicked his actions. he nodded as we repeated this a few more times until i calmed myself from the mini anxiety attack.

"hey, hey. its okay." he said and showcased a smile, looking me in the eyes to let me know that it was okay. he pressed his lips together and pulled me in for a tight hug.

"i-i don't wanna talk about it." i mumbled into his shirt. he nodded and rubbed my back soothingly.

"we don't have to, im sorry." i nodded and held him back in the hug tightly. i rested my forehead on his shoulder and let it come at once.

it started with cloudy vision and watery eyes. one tear or two. a few more and more and then a choked sob. and another. one more before i let it all out. i sobbed and wept into his shoulder as he held me. he continued to rub my back and shush me every thirty seconds.

after about twenty minutes my horrible and miserable crying stopped and now it was ten till seven and we were just sitting here holding onto each other for dear life. his shirt soaked and mine heated from the constant rubbing.

"do you wanna watch the nightmare before christmas again?" he asked and i let out a watery giggle. i shook my head lightly and sniffled.

"nah dude. i think some adventure time would be good." i spoke softly into his shirt.

"alright. c'mon lets sit on the couch and ill get more pickle chips." he said and i let out a gasp. he stood up and off of me and looked down at me with a raised eyebrow as i sat on the floor with my mouth wide open and my eyes staring at him in shock.

"you have pickle chips? and didn't bother telling me this before? do you have any emotions whatsoever??" i asked in mock disgust at him as his eyes light up with relief that im okay. he lets out a laugh that lights his whole face up and reaches his hand out for me to get up. i stand and he mutters something along the lines of what sounded like 'dork' and i couldn't help but laugh.

he placed the chips in between us as we settled down on the couch and got comfortable. he even found a really really soft blanket and threw it over us. once settled we sat there. in a bit of awkward silence as josh noticed he needed something and looked around the space for it.

"where'd the controller go?" he asked and i let out a bark of a laugh at the confused look on his face. a look of realization swept him as he stood up, undoing the covers snd everything and walking over to where he threw the controller and walking back over to the couch and settling himself back in.

"well that totally wasn't stupid." he said and i couldn't help the giggle that escaped my mouth. he looked over at me and smiled before looking back over to the tv an using the controller to turn it back on and scrolled through the few installations he had to get to netflix.

he logged in real quick before scrolling through the first few set of movies and tv shows listed. then the next once he didn't see it, then the next and so forth. at the fifth row of scrolling with his eyebrows knotted he suddenly stopped. i looked over at him to see him looking down at the controller with a confused look as he moved and pressed the buttons over and over again.

"well fuck." he said,"its dead."

"well wheres the charger?" i asked curiously, looking around the small room for the cord that we needed at the moment.

"ummmmm....." he said, raising suspension, "at my house." he said with a sigh.

ugh. josh dun is no longer josh fun.

---------

ive taken two hours out of sleeping for this. please be appreciative. i like my sleep. i felt the need to do this for you. love me. okay im done here. HAVE A NICE MONDAY AND STUFF.

read/vote/comment/dont be satan urie.