Hey,
It's me. You probably knew that already, huh? I just wanted to tell you why I decided to leave. The voices in my head were getting too loud. Too torturous. I can't stand it. It's been going on since you left. I don't think you understand how much i care about you. It was hard to sleep or talk to anyone about what happened that night. The night I told you I loved you. You just ran away. I haven't seen you since then. PJ and Chris have no idea. I told them you went back to see your family but they probably noticed the changes in my appearance. I'd be worried about them if they hadn't. I've lost about 50lbs because I haven't been eating right. I haven't showered in a while so I probably reek. And... I've relapsed. I know you would be disappointed in me. I've been clean for 2 years. 2 YEARS. All that effort down the drain. But I don't want you to blame yourself for what I did. I'm conscious of what I'm doing and I know it would be best. I think I'm starting to loose it. Just last week I swear I heard your voice. I heard you humming that little song you always sang when you cooked. I heard you tapping lightly on the counter like when you made pancakes or waited for the microwave to stop. I even saw part of your fringe. Except, when I got there. It wasn't you. There wasn't anyone there. And I was alone again. I don't want you to feel bad about this. I want you to go out, find a girlfriend, get married, have kids... And as for the fans. Make something up. I don't want them to blame you or bombard you with questions. Just say I had an anxiety attack, or a heart attack, or maybe that I slipped and hit my head and fell into a coma but I wrote a letter saying if that ever happened to let me die. I don't know. Something believable enough to work. Tell them I died at peace. That I'm going to a place where I will feel better and happier. Thank you for all the memories. The good ones. And the bad ones. Thank you for wasting 6 years of your life with me. And thank you for helping me be happy and get rid of the monsters. Even if it was just for a bit. I love you.
A/N I was looking through my old writings and found this which I honestly really liked so why not put it out there. Also, I didn't want to say of this was Dan's POV or Phil's POV or what happened. I kind of decided to let the reader decide what they think happened.
