Just Drive [old version]

[ chapter fourteen ]

            Getting out of the car, I waited for the three roommates to get out of hearing range before I pulled Austin aside. “What the hell is wrong with you?”

            He simply shrugged. “I don’t really want to be here. It’s taking time away from our schedule.”

            “What schedule?” Taking a deep breath, I made my best effort to calm myself down. “Even if we did have a schedule, we’ve been off of it since we got on the road.”

            Austin frowned. I knew there was nothing he wanted more than to be with Kellie, and I wanted nothing more than to keep him away from her. I don’t know what the benefit of inadvertently stalling was, but knowing that we were one day further from Kellie made me feel a bit more at ease.

            “It’s just one day,” I reasoned. He didn’t seem convinced.

            By the time we were up the three flights of stairs and in room 303, it was clear that Austin wasn’t going to open up at all. With his arms crossed and his lips twisted, he was the epitome of a sourpuss. In some way, it was humorous, but then he would frown a little harder, and he just looked mad.

            “You can get a perfect view of the campus from here,” Brandon gushed. Pulling back the curtains, he called me over and pressed his face up to the window. “Isn’t it great?”

            Just as Brandon promised, the window opened up to the lively, sprawling campus. Deeply picturesque, each building was rocking its own charming brick façade nested in a thicket of golden-red trees. The view, reminding me of how beautiful life was outside of suburbia, almost made me want to tear up, but I stopped myself just before I could.

            “Sometimes me and the guys like to people watch from up here. You can see everything,” Brandon added. He pointed to a random couple making googly eyes at each other on the bench. “You see them over there? That’s Randy and Mikayla. They only got together recently, but everyone know they were going to get together since they moment they met.”

            Brandon continued pointing out other people, but I started to tune him out. Instead, I kept staring at Randy and Mikayla. In my mind, I kept seeing Austin and me sitting on that bench in the same situation. It’s always should’ve been that way, but somehow, Kellie wormed her way into the plan and sent it down the drain.

            I was so distracted by my semi-hallucinations that I didn’t realize that everyone else was making lunch plans. “Sam! Sam!”  Brandon called.

            I turned around, still somewhat half-delusional. “Yeah?”

            “We’re going for lunch. How do noodles sound?”

            “Noodles sound great,” I replied.

            Behind me, Thom did a happy dance celebration while Jason simply looked on and shook his head lovingly.

            One twenty-minute trek across campus later, we were sitting down at a table in a small, posh, noodle bar. As together as we were, I still felt lonely as hell. Thom was already wandering around the restaurant flirting with all the girls while Brandon and Jason were deliberating over their order. Austin, being the grouch he was, made a last minute decision to stay behind.

            Part of me was almost determined to go back to the dorm and drag Austin to the restaurant, but I knew it was hopeless. All he could think about was Kellie; it sickened me.

            “Sam! What do you want to drink?” Brandon quickly shoved the drink menu in front of me.

            I looked up at the waitress. “I’ll just have water.”

            The waitress smiled. “Alright. I’ll be back with your drinks shortly.”

            As soon as she was out of sight, Brandon reached across the table and gave me a playful shove. Just water? You’re boring,” he joked. “Get a beer or something.”

            I shook my head. “After last night? I don’t think so.” Brandon pouted, but Jason, who’s been relatively stoic all day, chuckled a bit. “Besides, I’m not old enough.”

            “Goody two-shoes,” Brandon scoffed. “How old are you?”

            I shrugged. “I turned eighteen over the summer.”

            “Shouldn’t you be in school then?” Jason asked. “Where do you go anyways?”

            I involuntarily shuddered. “I lost my college apps a few days before I had to send them in, so I’m not going to school right now,” I answered bitterly. Almost impulsively, I felt the need to finish the story. “I guess that’s how I ended up driving my ex-almost-boyfriend to his bitchy girlfriend who’s going to my dream college in California.” With a tight laugh, I threw my head back and waited for the whiplash.

            Neither Brandon nor Jason said anything. They simply looked at me with the same indiscernible look that I’ve seen in the mirror so many times since June. It seemed like forever since anyone said anything.

            “Why are we so quiet?” Thom asked brashly as he slid back into his seat.

            “That’s what we’re trying to figure out,” Jason replied. “You didn’t hear Sam’s story, did you?”

            Thom shook his head. Without another moment of hesitation, Jason turned to the side and debriefed Thom. A few moments later, Thom nodded and his jolly expression fell a few shades darker.

            “Why are you doing this if you hate it so much?” Thom blurted.

            I felt my throat tighten. Deep down, I knew the reason, and it kept bubbling up in me like bad bloating, but I’ve also spent the last year training myself not to word vomit.

            “It’s not like you’ll ever get another chance to say it without him being here,” Jason reasoned.

            I looked up at him. He knew. Sighing, I breathed in and let the words fall. “I guess I never stopped loving him,” I whispered. The moment the last word fell, I felt my shoulders collapse and my chest heave. I never felt so free. Before I could stop myself, I found myself telling them the entire saga.

            “That’s some deep emotional shit,” Thom whistled.

            I let out a meek laugh. “I guess that’s one way to put it.”

            “God, we all sound like saps,” Brandon joked.

            Jason reached over and punched him in the arm. “Says the guy who got drunk over his ex-girlfriend and had to be rescued by another emotional sap.”

            Brandon chuckled. “Damn. I need a drink.”

            “You know what we all need?” Thom looked at each one of us inquiringly before continuing. “A full blown frat party. Kendall’s frat is having one tonight. It’s going to be huge.”

            “Didn’t Maddi get alcohol poisoning at their last party?” Jason asked wearily.

            “Yeah. So?”

             I was both scared and enthralled by Thom’s flippant attitude. Before I could control my mouth, I found myself enthusiastically agreeing with Thom.

            “I thought you didn’t drink,” Brandon drawled.

            Ignoring the gnawing feeling in my stomach, I simply smiled and laughed. “Then I might as well get the first time over with.”

            Thom slapped me on the shoulder. “That’s the spirit.” Looking at the other guys, he nodded with reckless abandon. “Here’s to good riddance of goddamn emotional shit.”