Summer's Last Breath

Part 28

"A little light," he said, crawling back over his bed like some immense jungle cat.

"I guess you've done this a bunch of times, huh?" I asked to conceal my nerves. It didn't help. I didn't want to know the answer.

"I haven't done it a bunch of times, but I have done it. That has nothing to do with you and me, here and now. If it makes you feel any better, I'm scared too."

"You're not scared of anything," I said as I watched him pull his shirt over his head, because though I wanted to do this, it was suddenly hard to move.

"I'm scared of you. What I feel for you. I'm scared of disappointing you."

"You could never disappoint me." I ran my hand over his bare skin, the rounded planes of his pectorals, cinching my fingers at the back of his neck, guiding him toward me.

"Maybe you shouldn't say that until after. I had all these plans to make this good for you, but I'm not sure I know how."

"Then let's just do it," I said, shifting so he settled between my legs. "You still want to, don't you?"

"I will always want to. I love you, Erin. Does that make me a jerk, saying that right now?"

"I love you too. How is that even possible? That we love each other all ready."

"Some things are just meant to be, and you and I were meant to be."

"Yeah, I think so too." My eyes tracked over his chest, down the firm line of his torso. The hard length of him pressed against the juncture of my thighs.

"You do have a condom, don't you?"

In answer, he reached over to the bedside table and pulled open the drawer. I thought if I were braver, more of that world wise I wanted to be for him, I'd offer to put it on for him. Instead, I lay there, watching as he peeled away his shorts, pretending I wasn't scared out of my wits.

"You're really big." I cringed. Could I sound anymore like an innocent virgin?

Jamie smiled and it made his face look so tender and sweet and I wanted so badly to give him this, to give me this. I wasn't one of those girls who wanted to wait until I was older to have sex, or wait until marriage. I just wanted to wait for love, and here it was, staring down at me with a face I could gaze at forever.

"Are you sure about this?" Jamie stroked my cheek and kissed me. His hands worked my jeans down my thighs and to my knees. I pulled my legs free, kicking them to the floor.

"Yes," I said and arched towards him, anticipation tight and hot in my chest.

We spent the next few minutes with our tongues melding, our hands exploring, caressing until I thought I couldn't be more ready. I ached for him with a need I didn't fully understand. Jamie was ready too. More than ready. He shook with need and I opened for him. He growled. I gasped, my body tensing at the tearing pressure.

"Try to relax, Erin," he whispered above me, asking the impossible.

We were anything but relaxed. I bit my bottom lip, and with one thrust of his hips, he impaled me. It burned and I thought this wasn't possibly going to work. He was poised over me, his arms straining. He was so big, and while I wanted this, wanted Jamie to be my first, this was growing less romantic by the second. Giving it up, even to The One, totally sucked.

"Jamie." His name was a question that had no answer. I thought he was about to pull away, but I clamped my thighs around his hips. "Don't stop now," I said through gritted teeth.

"This isn't right. I'm hurting you." Sweat trickled down his cheeks and fell on my chest.

"Yeah, it hurts. That's how it works the first time. If it weren't you hurting me, it would be someone else. Is that what you want?"