Dzhokhar (Jahar) -- Before the Bombing

Dzhokhar (Jahar) -- Before the Bombing -- Part 6

He finally called on Friday, when I had all but given up hope, and just when I was castigating myself for how much it mattered.  "Jenny, I'll be in Cambridge tomorrow night.   Any chance you might be home for the weekend?  I just have so much crap going on, that's the only time I'll have."

My tentative dinner plans with Kathy for Saturday silented shifted to Sunday.

"Not a problem; I'll be home then.  Where and when?"

"Wanna meet at the S&S at 8?"

"Perfect!  It'll be fun to be right in your neighborhood."

"Yeah, that'll be fun.  I'll meet you at the front entrance at 8."  His voice didn't sound as if it would be fun.  It sounded as if he was on his way to a wake.

When I caught sight of him that night, though, walking across the parking lot towards me, I wondered whether my fears had been unfounded.  "Hey, you," he said with an unexpected tenderness, and reached out for a hug even as he was approaching me.  I fell more than willingly into his arms.  He clasped me to him just as he had before, rocking me tenderly, a much longer embrace than was warranted for such a casual date.  I relaxed into his arms and allowed my body to meld into his. Nothing more than this, I need nothing more.  After a long several seconds, I heard him whisper, "Let's sit down."

Seated at a table across from each other, I almost had to laugh at how we simultaneously leaned towards one another as if we were about to exchange our innermost secrets.

I gave him the biggest smile I could muster.  "So what are your plans for this weekend?  Sounds like you have a lot going on."'  

"Nothin' to tweet about.  I just need to take care of some stuff with the fam, that's all."

"Have you heard anything from the lovely Zahara?"

"Katie and Tamerlan are home taking care of her right now."  He seemed to relax for a moment, leaning back in his chair, lacing his fingers behind his head and grinning down at me.  "You know what she said tonight when I was leaving?  She said, 'No leave room!'"  He laughed that infectuous laugh, and I joined in.  "I think she wanted me to stay."  

"Of course she wanted you to stay!  Who wouldn't want you to stay?"  Spontaneously I reached across the table towards him, and he leaned forward and took my hands in his.  That was another thing I had noticed about him -- he had beautiful strong hands with long graceful fingers.

I gathered up my courage.  "Dzhokhar, maybe I shouldn't say this, I guess I have no right to, but....I've noticed something. Something just seems....different.  Are you sure everything's all right?"

A shadow passed across his face. He lowered his head and ran both hands through his curls, not once but several times.  "Jenny, I'm tired."

"Is it school?  Are you taking on too much?  What is it?"   I had never expected him to let me in, even a little.

"I don't know.  But I swear sometimes things seem so crazy I don't even know what I'm doing at that fucking campus anymore."  The break in his voice tugged at me.  This sounded more complicated than anything I had imagined.  Not knowing what to do, I found myself caressing the dark hair on his forearms.  He appeared so strong, God knows he was physically strong, but I felt helpless.  "I'm not sleeping worth a shit.  I keep having these crazy dreams."

"Dreams?  Like what?"

"Like--"  He ran his hands across his eyes, and glanced up at me.  "--It sounds weird -- like zombie apocalypse dreams."  

"Zombie apocalypse??"  I had to admit to myself this was the last thing I would ever have expected.

He lowered his head into his hands again, then looked up at me with an expression that was suddenly so empty, I was startled.

"Honestly, I'm okay, just end of term stress.  I need to get back home now."  He reached into his wallet to take care of the check.

He was quiet for almost the entire walk to his home.  It felt strange to be walking down Cambridge Street next to him, on a chilly April evening, and making that same turn I had made just a couple of weeks before onto Norfolk Street -- except this time we were together.  

We reached his house.  "I can't ask you in.  Zahara's sleeping and....there's not a helluva lot of space up there."

I felt the seconds ticking away.  "That's all right.  I'm just glad we had this time together. Let me know if there's anything I can do to make things easier, okay?"