Don't Judge

Mental Problems

" I would love to meet your sisters and Maggie." Maggie is my Great Dane I named her Maggie after Merrica. It's her middle name. " Well how about tomorrow night, My mom leaves tomorrow morning." I said. " Okay sounds good. Oh did you grab the bag?" She asked. I nodded and grabbed it off of a high branch. Ever since me and Merrica were little we always brought a bag with us to the park and it had:

- an MP3 player
- earbuds
- a notebook
- two blankets
- art supplies

I opened the bag and took out the two blankets and laid them out, we spent most of our free time laying in the tree in our blankets listening to music and drawing, we would draw whatever inspires us, I drew mostly a goddess like character I had created, she reminds me of Merrica. While I tried to make art Merrica made the real art, mostly pictures that show love or nature, like two lips meeting in the middle or some nature scene. She started the music and we laid down, she began sketching out the design of of two people sitting cuddling. I co times on an older drawing of the goddess, this time she was underwater and her golden locks were flowing in the water. Suddenly Merrica got a text causing me to jump creating a streak in my page, annoying yet repairable. "Hello?" She said putting the phone to her ear. "Jamie calm down." She said slowly. "It's not my fault that he was unhappy." She explained looking away, I could tell her eyes were filling with tears, I also knew that Jamie was talking about me. "Jamie I can't hangout right now." She said firmly. " No, I'm just busy." She said clearly lying, she started playing with her hair, she only does that when she is nervous or lying. "Jamie I'm hanging up." She said tapping the button to end the call. "So what did the wicked witch if the west want?" I asked as she put her phone down and laid back down, she laughed. "She wanted to yell at me for talking to you into she long you breakup with her." She explained with a fake smile, she was trying to hide the fact that Maddy's words had hurt her deeply. "But that's okay." She started." When I'm emotional I do my best drawing." She said pulling her art book back into her lap and flipping to the page she had started. I longed to call Maddy up and shame her for hurting such an amazing girl like Merrica but I know it would only make matters for me worse at school, even though Merrica is my best friend she doesn't know that people bully as much as they do. She knows about the snarky comments everyone once in a while in the hallways but she doesn't know that I'm being harassed every moment if everyday, weather it's at home or school. "Still working in that drawing?" She observed eyeing my artwork. "Yeah I'm hoping to perfect it and really capture her beauty." I explained looking deep into her emerald eyes, I started detailing the goddesses eyes. My drawing look decent but it needed for details. " When are you going to try drawing something real like live or nature or some sort of scene?" She asked pulling out her coloured pencils and shading the shadows of the people in her drawings. "After this drawing I'll find something inspiring to draw." I promised, little did she know I had already found my muse. There was nothing more beautiful or perfect than her." Luke, where did you get the idea for your goddess? You could not have possibly dreamt this up in a dream, you need a focus, an inspiring beauty, you need a muse to draw something that detailed and beautiful p." She asked getting all poetic. "Instead if drawing you should try poetry." I joked changing the subject." I don't have a muse, I have this messed up head and a pack of pencils." I said with a chuckle, I had admitted and accepted the fact that I have mental problems but it offends Merrica when I joke about these things. "You have a perfect mind with a different way of seeing things and you can find the beauty in everything with ease." She said flipping her hair as a piece of hair fell perfectly over her face, I wished to take a picture or to try and draw it but no amount if talent could do her beauty justice. I lifted my hand and brushes the hair off of her face. "About babysitting tomorrow what time do you need me there?" She asked moving her gaze from her sketch pad to me." Is eight okay? My sisters boyfriend will be there then so when they go to be alone we can watch her. But for coming home I'm not really sure, I think he's staying at our house so if you wanted to..." I stopped." Sorry I'm sure you wouldn't have time to stay over night." I muttered more to myself than to Merrica. "I would love to, I'll just say I'm staying at one of my girl friends house." She said looking back down at her sketch pad before continuing to sketch. I wanted to jump for joy, nights were usually tough for me, with all the silence my mind wanders to dark places. "Thank you." I whispered hoping she wouldn't hear me, but a smile grew a cross her face. I finished the final details of my drawing and flipped to the next page to start trying to draw Merrica when a strand of her hair fell into her face, I would draw a rose lined background and give it her as a present or keep it with my other 'goddess' pictures. I started to draw the outline of her face and the rose background when Merrica spoke up."Well I have to get going, I'll see you tomorrow night." She said sitting up and walking to the opening of the tree, she stopped. " Or we could meet here before that." She suggested. " Yeah wanna meet here at four?" I asked packing up my pencils so I wouldn't be here alone once she left. "How about three thirty? We can stay for a bit longer." She said giving me butterflies. "Okay, I'll see you then." I said putting my stuff in my bag and heading down the tree. I started to walk towards my house, Merrica was going to stay! I ran home to tell Anna that she would get to meet her finally. "Anna?" I called as I got into the house, I was so happy I forgot that my mom was still home. "Shut the hell up! You worthless piece of shit!" She yelled getting up from the couch. "Why must I have such a disappointment of a son?" She slurred. "I'm going to sleep!" She announced falling back into the couch." Well that was close." Anna said walking down the stairs. "Anna you're never going to guess what happened!" I whisper yelled. " C'mon up to my room we can talk there." She said taking my hand and running up the stairs. " So what did you want to tell me?" She asked closing her door behind us and sitting in her desk chair while I sat in her bed. "Well you know how I need to watch Maddy tonight because your boyfriends coming over?" I asked, she nodded clearly not knowing where this was going. "Merrica offered to come over and help me watch her!" I said smiling uncontrollably." Believe me I'm excited to meet her but it's late at night are you sure she's going to be able to come?" Anna asked with a worried expression in her face. "I'm getting there, we talked and she's going to stay over tomorrow night! But I need you to watch Maddy tomorrow from three thirty to eight because we're going to hangout at the park before she comes over." I filled Anna in on everything and she was super excited. "Are you guys going to draw again tomorrow at the park?" Anna asked me. " Yeah that's what we always do." It's true we always talk and draw, usually we would talk about me and Jamie but since that's over we'll find something else to talk about. "Why don't you just tell her about how the pictures you draw are her? She'll be flattered and I'm sure she'd draw something for you." Anna suggested. I quickly shot that idea down. "No I don't want to make anything awkward I mean if I lose her I don't know what I'd do." I said more to myself than to Anna but it got the point across."Well just make sure that you guys do really watch her and don't spend all the time talking, because we might go out during the night." Anna explained. "Okay okay, we will." I promised standing up to get out of her room. I got a text, I pulled my online out.
I can't wait to we you tomorrow:) -Merrica
I couldn't help but smile like an idiot. I quickly ran to my room to continue the drawing if Merrica before I forgot the detail, but who could ever forget such beauty? She was perfect I dint know what I would do without her. I sat down next to Maggie and started to draw.

I don't know when but at some point I fell asleep, Anna must have noticed because I woke up with a blanket laid over me and my art supplies were moved off to the side of my bed. I looked at my alarm clock and saw that it was 11:30 am, I had slept in quite a bit, I rolled over and slid my old slippers on before walking down the stairs. "Anna?" I called once I reached the bottom. "I'm in the kitchen!" She called. "Has mom left already?" I asked grabbing a bowl for cereal. "Yeah she just left about half an hour ago, she said she'll be back in a few weeks." Anna said passing me the milk. "Ouke?" I heard a little voice call. I turned around to see Maddy sitting in her high chair, she couldn't say Luke so I got Ouke instead. "Hello little miss Maddy." I said tickling her belly, she giggled and pushed my hand away. "Anna go out, you and me pway tonight?" Maddy asked, she was getting really good with her words. "Yes, but one of my friends is coming over so we'll play with her too." I explained taking a bite of cereal. "Anna say she your girlfwend." Maddy said while eating some Cheerios from her bowl. "Maddy you weren't supposed to say that I said it." Anna said with a laugh. "Well she isn't." I said defending myself. Anna let out a long." Surrrreeee." I huffed and ate my cereal in silence, I ignored Anna humming the wedding song and the song about people sitting in a tree. I finished  my cereal and walked back up the stairs to get dressed and then I had to walk Maggie, I put on a black tee shirt and blue jeans. "I'm taking Maggie out for a walk!" I yelled to Anna from the front door. "Okay!" She yelled back. I opened the door and decided I would walk her to the park. As we got closer to the park I saw Jamie and her friends sitting at the table. "He's such a freak why would you even date him?"One of them asked. "He has mental problems, he's like insane!" Another person said. I walked Maggie in front of a rock and sat there I wanted to hear what Jamie had to say. "Guys, I dated him because really who else would I date that would no doubt say yes and let's face it, it was kinda like charity work I mean no one else would date him...." She wasn't done but I couldn't listen anymore I took Maggie's leash in my hand loosely. "Go eat!" I whispered pointing at the kids sitting at the popular table, they had a whole walk load of food, since school was out they met up every week to catch up in gossip and what everyone was doing. Maggie ran towards them and jumped onto the table, everyone screamed but Jamie, she knew it was my dog, once everyone wouldn't notice me I ran from behind the rock to go get Maggie. "Ugh control your dog freak!" One if they yelled, I took Maggie's leash and I started to walk back, then it hit me, why wasn't Merrica at the table she was in the popular group? Was she booted out because of me? The voices in my head began to blame me and tell me that I was stupid and awful but one thought stayed in my head....You don't deserve Merrica end it all now before you get hurt.