Through My Eyes

Epilogue

I chuckle as she jumps back in my arms. Mary shakes her head in adoration and then retreats back to the kitchen, where she is no doubt conjuring up one of Ella's favourite meals.

"We are, aren't we?" I agree. "Are you excited, Ella? It's going to be the first time you board a train."

"Mummy, I so excited!" Ella exclaims, throwing her arms out wide. "This is how excited I am, Mummy! That's a lot of excited!"

I can't help but to laugh at her mistakes and nod. "That is a lot, Ella. What does Ella want for her birthday from Mummy?"

Ella deliberates for a second. "Mummy, I want what my friends at school have."

"And what is that, honey?" I smirk, preparing myself for one of her preposterous requests.

"They all have a daddy. Can I have a daddy, Mummy?" Ella asks, innocence shining through her eyes.

My heart plummets to the ground and tears fill my eyes. "Oh, baby..." I pull Ella against my chest, rocking back and forth. Guilt streaks through me, pushing tears through my eyes, knowing that I can never give her this one gift, no matter how simple it may sound. My baby has to grow up without a father, just like I did. I think of Damon, who must have remarried by now, must have his own children by now, blissfully unaware of the one child he bore who is sitting in my arms right now, wondering where her daddy is and why she is so different from other children. "Mummy's so sorry. She is so very sorry. I'm sorry, Ella."

"Mummy, what's wrong?" Ella whines, her fingers playing with the collar of my work uniform.

"Nothing, honey. Nothing." I wipe away my tears and stand up, still cradling my daughter in my arms. "Should we go and have our dinner now, Ella?"

Ella struggles out of my arms, her birthday demand forgotten. "Yes please, Mummy! Mamma Mary said she made my favourite, chicken pie and white broath!"

She dashes into the hallway, her giggles echoing in my ear, delighted to eat her favourite food.

Her father's favourite food.

Mary and I creep into Ella's room with some leftover chicken pie. I push open the curtains and stalk over to her bed, standing on it and jumping up and down.

"Happy birthday, happy birthday, happy birthday!" I yell as Ella groans and rubs her eyes, sitting up in bed, gazing sleepily up at me, her eyes gleaming with the aid of the morning light.

"It's my birthday?" She looks around excitedly and then leaps up, clasping my hands and jumping with me. "It's my birthday, it's my birthday! I'm a big girl now, Mummy!"

"Yes you are, Ella!" I chant along with her, glee coursing through my veins at her visible elation. She giggles, jumping around with me before leaping gracefully into Mary's arms.

Mary catches her with a grunt, grinning and embracing Ella before saying, "You must stop launching yourself onto me like that! You're a big girl and Mamma Mary's bones are getting brittle, my dear."

"Mamma Mary?" Ella says.

"Yes, dear?" Mary replies, sitting her down on the bed, where I am already seated.

"What does brittle mean?"

"Brittle means weak, Ella." Mary answers, handing her the chicken pie with a flourish. "Birthday breakfast in bed for the princess!"

"Yay!" Ella claps her hands, tucking her feet under her. As is our tradition, I feed Ella a spoon of chicken pie, then Mary feeds her a spoonful and then Ella feeds us both a spoonful.