Keeps Me Here
Michelle Leigh Martin
I just heard one of the most beautiful things in the world. It was pure and amazing. It was guitar and vocals after midnight in the grass while people around shouted and laughed. The stars were barely visible and the moon was full behind a rain cloud.
Their names were Andrew and Eric and they meshed like wires. Their voices blended and the guitars sounded fantastic. I wanted to hug them both when I had to leave. The grass itched my legs and arms but I sat and I closed my eyes and inside I rocked out to the beautiful tunes they created out of nothing.
That's what I love about music - it comes from nothing. They take strings and wood and turn it into beauty. They turn it into soul and love and hurt and hate. They turn nothing into something. They turn emptiness into feeling and I can't not listen. I can't walk away.
They sit on the bench and I sit in the grass with their cases. I wish I had money to drop but I don't so I'm the last one listening and it's one in the morning and I don't give a shit because I remember her playing and I can't not listen because it's beautiful and she was beautiful but now there's nothing left.
Kiss my heart 'cause it's hers now. I clutch the dirt and the green and I pull it from the ground because it's all that's grounding me. It keeps me on the earth. It keeps me here.
He's singing and I hear the words but I don't hear them.
He's playing and I hear the strum but I don't hear it.
He's slowing down but I'm speeding up because all I see is her face in the sky in the milky clouds and the craters.
All I see is the galaxy and she's not there anymore. Her self is gone. It flew away with the pain and the hurt and the nothing that pulled her from life.
The crickets scream for her and for me and for the boys on the bench with their guitars. The crickets are their mosh pit. The crickets are their standing ovation. I clap quietly and hope they know how they make me feel with their voices and their guitars. I clap with my fingers - it's barely audible - and I know they hope they can make me feel what I'm feeling.
Kiss my heart 'cause it's all I've got. I clutch the dirt and the green because it's all that's holding me down. It keeps me here.
