Speeding Through a Blind Curve

LAP TWO

And then there's Tessa, who's the personification of ostentatious, artificial perfection. She would put Regina George to shame. "I'm surprised you don't have your recorder with you. Nothing interesting happening in your little life lately?"

They're standing in the middle of the sidewalk. People are passing them by. Rae tries to focus on how they all blur out instead of letting the tone of Tessa's voice seep in. Rae distracts herself with the sound of leaves rustling above them, the cars driving by. On instinct, she adjusts the bag strap hanging from her shoulder, the recorder in question tucked safely inside. "Nah, I never record while walking. Wouldn't want to trip and fall on my face you know?"

"Aw, but why not?" The passive-aggressiveness oozes out of Tessa's voice-and even though it would be ideal not to feel affected by it, Rae's fingers clench a little tighter around her bag strap.

"Bet you would like that." Tessa would no doubt throw a party if Rae, for some reason, falls over and dies. She would probably dance over Rae's corpse, record it, and post it online.

"Oh don't be silly. I'm not that mean." But she is, Rae thinks. Tessa became that girl a little over three years ago. "I was just looking forward to hearing about your junior year. Since, you know, I'm already done with mine and am about to graduate soon. Maybe compare notes? I can tell you about how my senior year is going, what you could look forward to next year. What do you say?"

"Tessa's right. I mean, it must be hard watching all your friends get ready for graduation when you're still-right where you are. We could help you out."

It's so unusual to hear Aileen speak at all that the sound of her voice startles Rae a little. The weight on Rae's chest keeps pushing at her ribs, making it harder for her to breathe. "We don't even have the same major," she chokes out, jaw tight.

"Damn. You're right. How does that go again? Those who can't do-" Tessa's saccharine-sweet voice echoes behind Rae after she sidesteps Aileen and walks away. "-did I say something wrong?"

RAE ON-AIR | JULY 2005 - PODCAST #001
[00:01] I have an iPod!
[00:04] *shrieking in the background, laughter*
[00:08] So I'm testing this audi-
[00:09] *more shrieking and giggling*
[00:10] Guys stop! My friends are crazy obvio-
[00:13] *two other voices* Rae is sooo cool! Making a podcaaast!
[00:18] Oh my god guys this first audio
[00:20] is going to suck! *more laughter*
[00:30] *laughter, crash* Tessa put that down oh my god! *click*

Rae's well on her way back to her dorm, ready to crash into her bed, maybe cry or wallow through memories of good times, good friends-a time when she hadn't yet felt the pain of being left alone.

Most kids have this idea that being an adult is where the fun is. But in reality, it's that time of your life when you stop making decisions with the sole variable being yourself. Rae learned that the hard way when she insisted on quitting school to find work. Now look where that's gotten her.

"So are you good with cars in general . . . or just karts?"

When she hears a guy talking beside her, she turns to discover it wasn't just her imagination that someone was walking too close the past few minutes. And now he's walking ahead.

"Excuse me?" Did he just say karts?

It takes JR a while to realize he's not following Rae anymore. He turns back around and grins, making a steering motion with his hands, turning the video camera he's carrying into an imaginary horn and honking it for effect. "You pulverized Mike last weekend. He was pissed as hell. Epic shit."

While he sounds proud of this fact, Rae feels a little bit uneasy. She clearly remembers waiting until she was far enough before removing her helmet. How could JR have seen her? Did Mike see her too?

There's no way she's going to ask JR about Mike, so she starts walking again instead. Rae avoids JR's arm by a hair as she passes.

"Hey, come on," he catches up to her again, his feet as bouncy as Rae's are heavy. "I'm just trying to start a decent conversation. Don't you think this is much better than my usual tried-and-tested 'Hey, how you doin'' approach?"

"I don't know what that is and I don't plan on finding out. And besides, I don't think I've given you anything to make you think there's room here for any form of conversation."

"Yes you have."

"What? No I haven't."

They are at a corner and Rae could already see her dorm from here. Cars and jeepneys are zooming past. Rae is practically vibrating in place, antsy, thinking how easy it would be if she could just apparate from here to there-et voila.

"Yes, you have." There's this smile on JR's face that's a mix of childlike enthusiasm and sleaze. Rae wishes she could say she hates it, but for some strange reason, she's realizing it's a good look on him. Not a lot of people can pull that off especially with that lip-licking thing he likes doing. "You haven't cursed at me, shoved me"-JR continues to follow her across the street, bumping her shoulder with his own-"or called me an 'annoying piece-of-shit asshole.' This is a good thing."

"I've been running away from you, JR. I haven't even made decent eye contact. Normal people would take that as me saying 'Go away.'"

He's in front of her so suddenly, blocking her way, looking straight at her while armed with that smirk she's come to recognize in such a short time.

"Or . . . try harder."

That sounds icky-no, that should sound icky and yet all Rae wants to do right now is laugh. He's not for real, is he? "I'll give in and be amused rather than creeped out. But ew, that doesn't actually work for you, does it?"

She's getting closer, her dorm just a couple hundred meters away. Rae's walking faster and faster but JR just keeps catching up. He's like a mosquito-if mosquitoes wore white Jordans and wallet chains.

They probably won't be buzzing around that fast if they did though. His shoes are huge.

"Look, I just want to be friends. Is that bad?"

"Shouldn't you be asking yourself that? Given that little band of brothers you belong to?"

It's the last stretch: just one more street to cross and Rae would be walking up the pathway to her dorm. JR is still there, and it seems he's found something funny in what Rae just said.

"They don't care what I do. And even if they did . . . do I look like I care to you?" He flashes her yet another variation of his signature smile, this one looking more like he's mocking something of the world and trying to let her in on the joke. It kind of works, just a little bit.

Rae decides to humor him, facing him properly for the first time. "Fine, whatever, okay? But you are not allowed to follow me back to my dorm again unless I say you can. Understood?" There's a split second feeling of nostalgia-hearing her mother's voice in her own catches her off guard. If not for JR nodding like a toddler who just earned himself a gold star, she might have just had a moment.

She turns around and starts to walk away just in case the moment decides to happen anyway, which turns out to be a big mistake. "Call me!" JR belts it out so she could hear, meaning the people hanging out outside her residence hall hear it too.

Rae wishes the ground would just swallow her whole.

She doesn't even know his damn number. What the hell?