The end where I begin

C h a p t e r 18

'I don't know Dan. I think it's just good the way it is right now, with us being friends.' He looked down at the mattress and used his fingers to play with the edge of the duvet as a distraction. I knew that I might have hurt him by saying it, but I really didn't feel ready for any more than being just friends with him right now.

'Well okay then Laurs. I guess we should just go to sleep then?'

'Uhm yeah sure.' We turned away from each other. The room was completely dark and the only thing I could hear was Danny's heavy breath and I could also feel the tension in the room right now.

I lay in the dark room just staring blankly at the wall right in front of me. What had I done? Did I do the right thing? Deep inside I knew I had. If what was about to happen happened, it would change everything. I wasn't ready for that. Dan and I could not be a thing at the moment, and I was not the girl to just lead him on. I knew that if this was something we were gonna do it had to be for real, we both had to go for it 100%.

Ugh damn. I couldn't stop thinking about him. I knew he wanted it. He was right there next to me, obviously not asleep yet. It was not too late. I turned on the bed so I was facing his back. I could feel his back moving according to his breathing.

'Danny?' I whispered. I didn't get an answer, but I knew he wasn't sleeping so I shifted closer making him tense up next to me.

'What are you doing Laurs?' He asked while turning to face me.

'I couldn't let this go. I know this might not be the right thing, but I...I just...'

'You just what?' He sounded more upset than surprised by now.

'I don't know, this was just stupid, sorry.' I said while turning again, if only Dan would let me.

'No Laurs. You don't get to do this.'

'Dan seriously, just forget it.'

'No, I won't.' I looked into his eyes, they were filled with lust.

'Danny please.' I begged at him.

'Let's just stay like this.' He lay down on his side again like we did moments ago. I did the same. I moved even closer to him. He looked puzzled at me, but gave in. We were now so close I could feel the warmth from his breath. We continued moving closer until our lips were only millimeters apart.

'Yer sure Laurs?' Danny whispered while moving his hand up to my cheek looking for signals saying that I didn't want this.

'Stop talking.' A wave of pleasure hit me as our lips finally touched. We both got caught up in each other and forgot the earlier tension that was between us. I put my hand on his shoulder and pulled him closer. Danny then deepened the kiss. He put his arm around my waist and pulled me closer while not breaking the kiss. We managed to stay this way for some time before I pulled away.

'You okay Laurs?' He asked concerned y why I had pulled away.

'I...I don't think we should continue this.' I said almost out of breath. Our foreheads were still leaning on each other and we were both so caught up in the moment.

'Is everything alright? Did I hurt you?' Danny asked worried while he pulled away.

'No you didn't do anything wrong at all. It's just that I don't think we should do this, I'm sorry.'

'Laurs, you have nothing to be sorry about. I'm not gonna push you to do anything you don't wanna do.'

'I know that. And believe me when I say this, this was really, really good Dan, but I just don't think this was right you know? A part of me just thinks this is a mistake, no matter how much the rest of me wants this. I just don't wanna go in for this without being 100% sure.'

'I understand you, I do. Let's just go back to sleep okay?' He pulled away slowly and shifted in the bed.

'Okay. Goodnight then.' I shifted carefully and put my head on his chest as he was lying on his back.

'Goodnight Laurs.' I closed my eyes to try and get some sleep. That didn't go as planned. I was lying awake listening to Dan's breath as he slowly drifted off to sleep. I had done it once again, second time this night. I pushed him away, and to be honest, it felt like shit. Why can't I just go for it? It's like my head tells me no and stops me each time. I know that I'm maybe not ready for the kind of relationship Danny wants right now, but it wouldn't hurt trying would it? Well apparently so as I was incapable of even continue what we had. I decided to just push all my thoughts away for the night and sleep on it. Maybe I would wake up feeling different about this tomorrow.

Next chapter: It's Laurens last day in Dublin with the lads. After breaking up with Oscar, will she and Danny finally be together?