No Strings Attached

Chapter 5

I grasped my mug tighter and forced myself to sip from it. It didn't happen that way. She died here, and you were with her, I reminded myself. That was my post-nightmare ritual. I had to let myself know that, although she did die somewhat painfully, she was home with us and our relatives. We were singing songs and sharing fond memories together. We even Skyped my aunt, uncle, and little cousins who lived in Oregon, and couldn't make it to our house that week. Our entire family was at the passing of my mom, so I wouldn't have wanted it any other way.

When I had drained all my tea, I headed back to my room, feeling better than I had fifteen minutes before. I checked the time that read on my analog clock which was temporarily resting on my desk until I could hang it with those Command strips I was going to buy. It was 6:42.

I gathered a clean set of clothes and went to the bathroom for a shower. My dad was shaving, so I politely asked him to step out so I could get undressed and hop in. He gladly obliged, and came back in to finish the shave job when I told him it was safe.

In the shower, my mind wandered from the noise I'd heard to exploring the city in the next week until I eventually landed on school. Today is Tuesday, which means I will start my senior year in a week: September 2nd. That thought scared me. At least the colleges I had been looking at weren't back in Wyoming. Let's face it, there weren't many good colleges in that state. I was interested in Penn State, and had spent the most time on my application for that school. But I began wondering if I should look into some of the Universities near Boston, so I could stay near Dad. Penn State would still be my first choice, but one near Boston wouldn't be a bad plan B.

I knew I had a good shot at earning a spot in Penn, with my 3.91 GPA, and the volunteer work I did. Honestly, I don't know how I managed to do so well in school with my mom and her illness, but I pulled it off. I likely would have had above a 4.0 if I hadn't made the bad decisions near exam season. But a 3.91 isn't bad at all.

I slipped on a bright green tank top and white high-waist shorts and let my long hair dry naturally. When I pushed open the kitchen door I found that Dad was already making coffee. We really love our coffee, and it didn't matter if we were planning to go out to breakfast. It was impossible to leave the house if we didn't have any coffee yet.

He had rinsed out my smiley mug for me so I would still have it for the coffee. I prepared the cup by pouring about two tablespoons of half and half inside, and resting a spoon in it. When the last drip of coffee had finished brewing, I rushed to the pot so my dad wouldn't take all of it. I generously filled my mug, and stirred in the half and half, making my way to the living room.

After carefully setting down my morning coffee on the side table I realized that the television wasn't set up, so I grabbed a book off the shelf in my room instead. I decided on a John Grisham novel that I had read fifteen times before, but it was one of my favorites.

I didn't really believe in the supernatural things like demons and ghosts and such, but getting the pants scared off me was entertainment at its finest. I had been reading horror stories since middle school when I had to read Frankenstein by Mary Shelley. I grew a passion for those creepy old books and then found my dad's collection of scary novels and instantly fell in love. Nothing could beat the old redrum mystery.

"Want to go school shopping after breakfast?" my dad asked a half hour later, dressed and already heading to the door.

I closed my book and hopped up from the couch. "Sure. Just let me grab my shoes."

I came back with my white high-tops Converse laced up and said, "Let's go."

At a small café down the road I ordered a big stack of pancakes, and my dad went for a measly egg breakfast. I wolfed down all four of my pancakes and was done not much long after my dad had eaten his scrambled eggs and bacon. We had a nice conversation about what the new school would be like in a week as well as Dad's new job which he would start the next day. Both of us were kind of nervous to start our new lives in Boston, but we knew we could do it together.

We left our waitress a tip and made our way out.

At Wal-Mart my dad and I scavenged the aisles in hopes to find school supplies on sale. Apparently, the entire city was starting school that Monday as well, so nothing school-related was even a penny off. We settled for the cheapest things we could find, but I refused to use wooden pencils over mechanical.

"Dad! Look at this backpack!" I exclaimed, rushing over to a black one with the signature lyrics to possibly the most widely known Fall Out Boy song etched in white across the front pocket: My Songs Know What You Did in the Dark. "Please, please, please, please, please!" I begged.

He sighed, "How much does it cost?"

I looked at the tag eagerly, praying for a good result. $64.99? No way. "Never mind," I muttered, dropping it and shuffling away.

Dad frowned and walked with me. "Well, it didn't seem to be very strong anyway. It probably wouldn't last a semester," he said optimistically. I appreciated him trying to cheer me up.

"You're right," I said half-heartedly. "There's probably a better one."

"Exactly," he said, draping his arm around my shoulders. But I was almost as tall as him, so he didn't have to reach down very far.

"Can I go see if there are any hats on sale?" I asked.

"Sure," he allowed. "I'll be in the check-out line."

I made my way over to the clothing department. I always loved hats, and I looked good in them, too. My ex-boyfriend would always urge me to wear hats on our dates so he could be seen in public with "such a beautiful girl," and brag how I was his girlfriend. And then I went to a party and got drunk and ended up making out with some random guy, and that was the end of that relationship...

I made that out lightly, but it was heartbreaking. I honestly thought I had a shot at marrying that guy. That's when I went and screwed it all up. I've been on dates since then, but nothing serious. Well, I mean, I did sleep with a guy once after a house party, and that was nice. But I don't even know what school he went to, and never really saw him again, so it wasn't a big deal.

Go ahead, call me a whore, a slut. I've heard it enough. I recognized my mistakes, and stopped drinking underage, and didn't have any more sex with boys I just met. So yeah, at that point I was probably one of the kids that adults warned you not to hang around, but I wasn't the same girl afterwards. Hadn't taken one sip of alcohol in almost three months, and I was proud of that.

There was an off-white beanie I saw with the letters "P!ATD" sewn in pitch black string across the forehead. The font was funky, and it looked handwritten. Things like that attracted me, and since it was only eight bucks, I decided to pay for it with the change I had.

I stepped in line behind my dad, and told him what a great Panic! at the Disco hat I found, and insisted I pay for it on my own. After some arguing, he finally let me use my own money, and I was satisfied.

Back in the apartment, I organized all my schoolsupplies on my desk and spent the rest of the day—rest of the week,rather—reading behind my bed with tons of cookies and tea.