A Sleep So Deep

                I thought about Mr. Phillips as the day went by.  It truly was very enigmatic; however, I decided it best to not stay too focused on the situation.  It was out of my control and didn’t really involve me anyway, or so I thought…

                “What a weird week,” I thought to myself as I climbed into my 1985 Ford Prelude.  How this bucket of rust still ran was a mystery in itself.  I backed out the driveway and went on my way to go see my girlfriend, Kaitlin.  I turned up my music, and tried to clear my head of everything that was haunting me.  The puzzling murder of Edgar and the strange disappearance of my next door neighbor fixed themselves deep into my mind.

                Finally I arrived at Kaitlin’s house.  A calm feeling came to me as I saw her walk out the door to greet me.  Her warm smile and tender embrace always helped relieve me of my worries.  We got in my car, to meet some friends at the movies.  However, obviously my car had other plans because it refused to start up.  This is something that happened a bit too often with my car, but my lack of cash prohibited me from buying a new means of transportation.

                “Damn,” I grunted.

                “It’s all right,” said Kaitlin, sounding comforting but a little bit disappointed.  “We’ll just watch a movie in my house.”

                We got out of my car and walked to her front door.  “Are you okay?” asked Kaitlin.”

                “Yeah, it happens all the time so it’s no big deal,” I replied opening the door.

                “I wasn’t talking about your car.  You just seem like something’s bothering you, or something’s on your mind.”

                “No worries.  I’ve just been having a rough week,” I said trying to brush it off. I didn’t want to think about Edgar or Mr. Phillips.  I didn’t even know why it was getting to me in the way that it was.  I mean, I should feel sad, but I felt something else, almost like….guilt.  I didn’t understand it though.  Why would I feel guilty?

                In the basement, I collapsed into the big blue couch where Kaitlin quickly followed.  “Whatcha wanna watch?” She asked inquisitively.

                “Hmm, I’m feeling…Zombieland.”

                “Arright.”

                About halfway into the movie I started to feel very sleepy.  I had just begun to rest my eyes when she asked me, “You’re sure you don’t want to tell me about what you’re thinking about?  You’re really quiet tonight.”

                “Don’t worry about it,” I said, getting a little bit annoyed with being questioned.  “There’s nothing wrong.  I just want to relax and watch the movie.”

                Maybe the way I said it upset her, because she didn’t say anything.  However I proceeded to close my eyes.  Pretty soon I felt myself going off to a deep sleep.

                I woke up on her couch alone.  “Where’d she go?”  I thought to myself as I rubbed my eyes.  Once again I saw my hands covered in blood.  In fact, blood seemed to be everywhere.  I felt my face dried in thick blood.  My clothes were stained in red, and what really alarmed me was the fact that the couch was tarnished with guts and gore.  I felt my heart beat racing.  “Okay…something is seriously wrong.”

                I quickly got up to my feet and instantly froze.  I couldn’t scream if I tried.  I couldn’t even speak.  Laying on the floor, inches away from me, was Kaitlin’s lifeless body…half eaten.  “Oh…my….” I couldn’t finish the sentence.  It all seemed to come together.  I had killed her, in my sleep!  Which could only mean one thing, I had also killed Edgar and Mr. Phillips.

                My eyes widened to the point that I thought they would fall out and roll on the floor next to my dead girlfriend.  I struggled to put my thoughts in order.  “I need to get the hell out of here.”  And so I ran up the stairs and out the door.  I left my jacket and my car behind, but of course none of it even crossed my mind.  Like a machine with no direction, I ran as fast as my legs would carry me.  I didn’t even know where I was going or where I was although I had been there hundreds of times.  Finally I saw what I recognized to be my house.  “Wait, I don’t want to go in there.  I can’t escape what I have done.  Even if no one ever catches me, I still can’t live with myself!”  I couldn’t get used to calling myself a murderer.  This truly was the worst of nightmares, except I couldn’t wake up from it.  I ran into the woods and kept going until I tripped on a log.  I fell to the ground, cutting my jeans and bruising my knee.  Still I got up and kept going.

                At last the sun went down and darkness surrounded me.  For the most part, I had come out of my shock and finally stopped my mindless running.  “What was I even trying to run away from?  The only one I should fear is myself.  I’m the one who killed all of them.  I won’t ever be able to sleep again.  What if it happens again?”  I had never imagined myself to be in such a hopeless scenario.  There was no bright side.  I was better off dead.

                That brings me to where I am now, alone, deep in the woods.  I’ve been out here now for at least three days, I think.  I haven’t really kept count.  The one thing that I’m sure of is that I can’t go on like this much longer.  Pretty soon I’ll collapse and fall into sleep.  Then there’s no telling what I’ll do.

                I see a fence in the distance.  I realize where I am now.  I’m by the train tracks that my friends and I used to walk across to get to the lake where we used to hang out.  “Train tracks.”  The words ring in my head and suddenly I know what I must do.

                The wind sounds like the howling of wolves in the distance.  I hop the fence and rest my head on the cold metal tracks.  This is the first time I’ve laid down since that horrible night when I was with Kaitlin.  I wait.