Story of a Lost poet

Hey, You want to know how I got this crazy? You want to know what drove me to this, turned me into the inhumane monster I am? I wasn't born like this, something happened that turned me like this. I will now tell 1/4 of the story that explained the mystery of "me'

But before I do that, I have people to thank. (if you don't know me skip this part)

I thank my friend Nneka,for putting up with me, the real me, for 4 years. I thank Nwanyioma, for reminding me that there are true friends out there. I thank my "brother" Kevin, for reminding me that being social isn't that bad. I thank my friend Alexis, for showing me that I'm not the only one being hated by the school. I thank Victoria and Samiha, for standing by my side. I thank Christe, for teaching me that true friends got your back. I thank poetry, for allowing me to express my feelings.

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I was a girl once, but I dropped that part of me during second grade. the person responsible, was a guy . He was an arrogant asshole but, I still fell for him. I got caught up in a dream,and ended up getting a rude awaking. I was 8, so the meaning of love was total unclear to me. I admit it to myself, and at that point, the world hated me. the minute I was going to tell him was the minute he introduce me to his girlfriend. I felt the girl part of me ripped out and left me for him. I was pissed, I vowed never to love again, and believe me, even now, I don't allow myself to be that kind of affectionate towards a male or female. I guess you can say I hate humans. He was in my grade until he left for Miami, so the girl me went to Florida.By the beginning of third grade, I was a tough and tumble Tom boy. I had no friends since all of them left. One day, They announced a new student . Since I was desperate, I snatched her away from her friend, and called her my friend. Her name.. was Nneka. She was my friend all through out the years. we became best friends, but I was the only one who believed it. For the first time in my life, I was betrayed. By Nneka. It wasn't her fault though. This girl had changed her mindset. She went to Latchkey with her and was in the same class with her. I had to find new friends, and I did. I formed a cult, composed of 3 girls and me. I was friends with Alexis because I was her locker partner. One Day, I was choked by Alexis. Christe was quiet, but during the class from the aftermath, she told Mrs.kaye what had happened.This is when she taught me her lesson. in fifth grade it was the same.

I hated my parents. I still hate them. They tried to mold me in an image I didn't was to mold. at this point I abandoned the fact that they were my parents. Most of you might think "they're your parents' or "they know whats best even though it seem wrong" and "they're only trying to protect you.". Don't give me that crap. I don't like excuses.

Here the devil year.It was sixth grade.. I was the only one still watching Disney channel, while others began watch MTV. I was the only one who was ignorant of the word bisexual, or any sexual orientated word. Nneka still was my friend, but I never saw her much. She was in academic games so, often she went with other friends. I had to content myself with other friends that true weren't real friends. Now I think "wow, I wish I had done stuff better back then...." I had met a friend, her name was Nwanyioma.This was the same girl that took my seven dollars when I was in 5th grade. We became friends because she owed me money. I was really desperate for friends, so I basically was gullible to all of the friends who like "friends with benefits". I also met another girl, who was a little edge with her mind. She stabbed this little Fourth grader so, she was arrested and expelled. So right about now we have a hole in the clan, but it was soon filled. A girl, who shall not be named, filled her hole in the worst possible ways. Because of her, positions were switched. It's called a leader switch, where the clique's leader was subdued to another girl which switch the entire clique. I was never apart of anything like a free agent, but it so happens that my ignorance gave her the advantage when It came to sullying my reputation. Yes, I said a number of things that turned people away from me, but she really set things off. At that point I hated life, and me. I became so suicidal. I cut myself on a daily base, I overdosed twice, and I stabbed myself once. When I got home, It was even worse. I had to deal with to power-hungry parents that were fighting all the time that also, didn't hear anyone's voice but their's. I have 3 siblings, which means 3 reasons not to die just yet. There we work like slaves got the occasional treat and above all we did not have a voice. Not our opinions not our ideas, nothing. although me slipping my mouth wasn't rare, its was still irritating to know i couldn't speak my mind without being punished. My sanctuary you ask? This very computer. or the bathroom. This places is where I have complete privacy ( another thing I don't have here) to be myself and not put on my fake faces. My personality is like water. me by myself is clear, no added flavors. But when other people are added to the mix, then I become something else. I hate that it has to be that way ,because lately it seems that I have been mix with so much, I hardly know the real me anymore. There's one person who might though. Her name is C****a, and she's might not so little sister. she has been with me my whole life so she might know at least 40% of me.

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I gonna go ahead and end this chapter, so I leave you with this: My name is Shawn, AND THIS IS THE STORY OF MY DEATH. pretty cool huh?