Help me

I Don't Know What I Want

He looked up from his plate of eggs. "Yah?"

"I want to get everyone together and apologize to them."

Chris didn't know if that was a good idea. It was still too soon to get everyone together in his opinion. "Okay, when would this happen?"

"As soon as possible."

Chris nodded slowly, "Okay well, we can't do that here." He gestured around his small apartment.

"I was thinking we could have it at Sam's place."

A tinge went through him, of course, Sam. He didn't hate Sam. God no, she had helped him and Josh through so much. It was the and Josh part he didn't like. Sent his stomach sour. Not because she was helping Josh and not him all the time but because she had lots of contact with Josh. "Okay." Jealousy. It had shown through his voice.

Josh grinned at him from across the table. "I told you, I don't like her. Her house is just bigger." 

He felt a blush cross his face. "Whatever, bro. I'll call her." He got up to put his dish away. He picked up his phone and dialed her number. He knew it by heart. She was the only one who he could talk to about Josh. 

"Ah, Chris. How can I help you today my lovely lost boy." 

"I wanted to ask you something. Josh wants to get everyone together to apologize. We can't hold it here though. Can we hold it at your place?"

She's silent for a moment and then she speaks. "Yah, I mean. Do you think thats a good idea? Last time we all got together it didn't turn out so well."

"You seriously think he'd do something again?"

"No but the others might."

"Well, lets just say we are holding it."

"Thats not fair to them."

"I don't care."

"well then."

"Chris?" Josh yells from the kitchen. "We are going to be late!"

"Shit. I forgot, Josh is getting his stitches out. Are we on for like tomorrow night?"

"Sure, I can call everyone."

"Thanks, Sam you're the best."

"Of course I am." He can hear her smile before she hangs up.

"Alright man, lets go." He put his phone in his pocket and started throwing on coats.

***

It didn't take very long for the stitches to come out. Though Josh came out with is medical mask still on. 

"Ready to go?" He stood up from his waiting chair. 

"Yep, lead the way, Cochise." He walked Josh out of the building. "Sam said she would invite everyone tomorrow night to her house. We should go shopping for party junk, yah know?" 

"Yah, sounds good."

"Dude, lets see it. Lets see the face."

"I don't know."

Chris pushed Josh's shoulder. "Dude c'mon." 

The brunette pulled the mask down. He had one large scar that covered the right side of his lips and ran up to his cheek. "Wow, dude that looks fucking sick!" He ran his thumb over it, unconsciously cupping his best friends cheeks. "You look so bad ass!"

"Really?" Josh was blushing and it only got worse with each compliment. He was smiling though. 

"Yah, dude!"

Chris only noticed he was cupping his friends face when Josh put his hands over his own. Chris cleared his throat. He was blushing now too. He slowly slid his hands away. Before Josh could speak Chris climbed into the car. 

***

They went to the store next. They both collected snacks and drinks. Josh forced Chris to buy them alcohol since he could pass for twenty-one due to his height. They weren't carded and it all went splendidly. 

Josh was a bit easier to see in a crowd. His scars easily seen from the distance. Though his friends didn't seem to care. He always gave such kind looks to people who stared too long. Some of them looked pained but Chris knew that was because he was self conscious. 

Josh was such a damned good person. Always had been till just over six weeks ago. That was why the shit Josh had pulled was so surprising to him. He was glad to have his Josh back. His Josh. He hummed lightly as he got in the car. His Josh. he could get used to that. 

***

Chris woke up entangled in Josh for the second time and separated them. His phone had woken him up. He pulled it to is ear.

"Hm?"

"Everyone said yes." Sam sounded unsure.

"Oh great! Thats good right?"

"I guess, I'm not sure how they will feel when Josh is there and how his apology will go over."

"It will go over just fine." He hushed his voice for the next part. "I need to talk to you about something concerning Josh."

"Is he okay?"

"yah, but I'm not. He told me he loves me and I don't know how I feel about him. I need to talk at the party."

"Okay we will. Can you guys come early to help set up?"

"Uh, sure. No problem."

"Thanks, see you love birds here!~" She hung up before he got a chance to speak up.

"Josh?" He turned over to see his friend still asleep. What a cute nerd. He could't help but smile. He got up and left the other man to sleep. His shower was short and when he got back Josh was up and moving. "Sam wants us to help her set up for tonight."

"Alright, when?"

"I would get some clothes on." He smiled. 

***

They were both over to Sam's at about 11 o'clock.

"Hey, you two!" She hugged them both. "So Josh can you bring everything in. I need to talk to Chris for just a moment." She pulled him away. He reluctantly followed her. "What did you need to talk about?"

"I think I might like Josh back but I don't know. I'm super confused." 

"Okay.. well he likes you obviously. You should go for it."

"I don't know if I want it." He groans.

"What made you think you might?" 

"Well, you want me to be honest?"

"Yah."

"I may or may not have thought about him a lot and ended up-" He makes the universal motion. "-to the thought of him."

"One: Ew. and Two: You really did? Super gay."

"Yah, Then I invited him into my bed."

"Did you have a one night stand with Josh!?"

"No!" He shook his head rapidly. "I just kind of snuggled up with him and liked it."

"Cute, so you like him."

"That's not what I said."

"C'mon, its basically what you said." He grimaced at Sam. "C'mon dude, stop pussy footing around."

"Alright, alright, I like him.

"You have got to tell him okay. Promise."

"I promise." He rolled his eyes.

"Great now help me set up this table."

He did help her but his thoughts were else where. The only hard part about telling Josh. Was the part where he told Josh.