My First Date

Ever since I was a little girl, I dreamed of having a handsome man sweep me from my feet and tell me I'm beautiful. My father would be the substitute till I turned 16, the age that my religion lets me date at. He taught me how a lady should be treated, not just how a lady should act, and I respected him for that.

When I was fourteen, I remember thinking to myself, "I can't wait till I'm 16, I'll be able to date and actually have friends who care about me. I'll get to have classes that actually interest me! When I turn sixteen, I'll think back on this memory and realize how right I was."

By the age of sixteen, I thought back on the memory and realized how wrong I was. Before my birthday, I had already been looking at guys I met, picking them out like my next victim. The boy who stood out to me the most was a boy I met at Moroni's Quest over the summer. I found out that we knew each other online in a virtual world,  we were good friends since I made him an admin to my Mormon group I created, but I never knew we were in the same religious stake. I thought it was more than just fate, that there was something between the two of us. I thought that God wanted me to be with this boy named Dalton.

I never saw him again till school started. I was so confused, so full of anxiety because I had no clue what I could or could not do at Viewmont. Being the oldest means being the first to go to High School and it was very hard for me every single day to do what I wanted or say what I thought. I told one of my friends one day that the boy standing behind the bookshelf in the library was Dalton, the guy I wanted to go to the Harvest dance with, but he was a Junior and I would never be able to go with him. My friend told me otherwise, "Don't be ridiculous!" she said, and shoved me in front of him. I quietly asked him if he would go with me to Harvest and he said yes! Sadly, that is the only happy part of this story.

One day, after swing club, I was getting a ride home from a friend. There were other girls also getting a ride, all of which were Juniors. I overheard them talking about the Harvest dance, so I listened in. When I heard the words "Wait, so are you and Dalton official yet?" I almost jumped out of my seat. I asked if they were talking about my Dalton, and they said they were. I quickly apologized to the girl and told her that I didn't know. I said I would be alright if I canceled the date, it didn't mean too much to me at the time, I just wanted a good reputation. She told me it was fine, but with a little sarcasm in her voice. I never told anything to Dalton.

A few weeks passed and we knew we were going to dress as Jean Kirstein and Mikasa Ackerman from the anime Attack on Titan since it was a Halloween dance, however we couldn't find a group to go with on the date. My religion expects me to date in groups so I had to have one. Then one day, I found out that the girl in the car (whose name I found out was Breena) had become my date's girlfriend. I pushed it out of my mind, not really caring. By the week of the dance, we still had not found a group to go with and we ended up asking to join Breena's group. She had also asked a guy to the dance, someone who wasn't her boyfriend.

Our day date was the worst part. It started with a picnic at Founder's Park, where a few of the couples couldn't make it. Eventually, even Breena's date had to leave for work. I don't know why she stayed. She shouldn't have stayed. We decided to go down to Station Park, but before we did so, we had to stop at Breena's house to ask her parents for permission to hang out longer. We got the permission and headed down to Station Park.

At one point, we were in Claire's and I found a set of three necklaces that had pendants on them reading "#1Sis", "#2Sis", and "#3Sis". I thought they were so cute and I had been looking for necklaces like that to give to my sisters who I loved more than any friend I had at the time, but I didn't have the money to buy them. After Claire's, we went to get some Yogo-to-Go. We were walking down a street past H&M, eating our frozen yogurt, when I realized that I was the third wheel, not Breena. They were walking side by side while I was behind them a couple of steps, and I started to cry.

Breena told me that it's fine, then she told me, "But he is my boyfriend. And, you know, when we were on my porch, I wanted to kiss him because he's still VL, you do know what VL is, right? Virgin lips. I would have kissed him in front of you too, but I held myself back because I knew it would hurt you and it is your first date, after all."

That night I cried, I cried so hard. The next morning I cried as well, I felt like I was in a never ending dream and I almost called it off. I was showering at noon, getting ready earlier than I needed to, when my mom knocked on the door. She never knocks on the door! "Dalton's here." she told me.

I quickly got out of the shower and went out to meet him. I was upset with my mother for not inviting him inside, she shouldn't have left him out on the porch. He told me that he was so sorry for the night before and that he had gotten up at 8 AM just to walk down to Station Park and buy the necklaces I had wanted the other day. He bought them for me and then walked to my house. That was dedication because Station Park was not next door to where he lived, and he even had to walk back to my house. I was so surprised and I knew that he was sorry. I told him it was alright and then he left to get ready for the dance.

I was so scared to go to the dance, I had even called up my cousins who were married just because I didn't have an older sister to talk to about it. I ended up going anyways. At first we were having a great time, but then Breena told us that her and her date wanted to leave. I told her that was alright, we'd see her on Monday and that I'd call my parents for a ride. She got upset and went back to her date. A few minutes later, she came up to us again and lied, telling us we'd go to Founder's Park and come back to the dance. 

It was awkward in the car since Breena and her date were whispering to each other, so Dalton and I got out and walked around. The night before, Dalton had walked around the park and found out how to turn on the Christmas lights that were strung up on the trees early, before the first snow fall. We went around, trying to be secretive about it, flipping on the lights. Unfortunately, we were only able to turn on half of every tree. We laughed and made a reference to the show we were dressed up from, calling the trees "Marco's trees", a boy who in the anime got cut in half mysteriously. Breena and her date flashed their lights at us and we went back to the car.

We never did go back to the dance, and I was very upset with her. I promised myself I'd never go on a date ever again, unless someone asked. That was my New Year's resolution. So far, I've kept that promise, but who knows what will happen now that I'm a Junior. It's still hard to walk through the school halls, watching my crush making out with that girl under the stairs in the deserted hallways that no one walks through. Every time I see him, I turn my eyes away so I'm not involved with him and his girlfriend. She always glares at me whenever she walks by. I'm at least glad that Dalton won't ignore me, he says hi to me when ever I see him, even if I do try to ignore him. I say hi back, I'm not that rude.

The last experience I remember I had with Dalton was I saw him walking down a hallway before school started for the day, however I thought he was a teacher. When I realized who he really was, I turned around, grabbed my Sophomore sister by the hand and told her we were going back to our friends. We ran, really quickly, squealing and yelling. She yelled at me "He's chasing after us, run faster!" and eventually we got to the hallway.

He eventually did find me, and I looked to the floor, avoiding his eyes. After he asked why I avoid him, I told him the truth. I don't want Breena to think that we were doing anything behind her back. I told him that I was scared of her because she doesn't like me. He tried to convince me otherwise, but I wouldn't hear any of it. His 1 year anniversary with her is coming up, and he wouldn't be thinking about my side of the story anymore. 

I'm alright with not going on dates, but sometimes it's hard for me to carry the world on my own shoulders. My friends don't help much, they have their own problems and I don't blame them. I've learned that if I want to go through the game of life as a solo player, I need to be strong, stronger than I have been. I found so many role models, all fictional, that would help me. Mikasa Ackerman, Katniss Everdeen, and most importantly, Tris Prior. Putting their personalities into one makes me, and I'm going to go through life head first, even if it kills me.