The Alley Waiters

Do you know how hard it is to play "The alley-waiters"? It has taken me three years to reach the last level. Now it's going to take me three more years to figure out what exactly am I missing on. I have to save Freido's wife who appears on the fourth level but every time I reach her, she just disappears and the game restarts.

After smashing two X-box controllers on the marble floor and getting grounded for two weeks, I've decided that it's not the game that is annoying. The problem is girls. They just run away when you want to help them.

Its 3 pm and I am playing the game again. I named my main character, "Jones-The grocer" so whenever his name appears on the screen, I always crack up. Imagine Jones the grocer all dressed up in a long brown winter coat and wearing black sunglasses while running with a rifle in his hands. I can already imagine his belly reaching places before he does.

I push the joystick forward making Jones-the grocer move towards the pink dot in front of the construction site. I have started to suspect that Freido's wife ran away instead. Maybe the pink dress I see is just an illusion to distract me from the real place because every time I go towards it, the game just restarts.

I start kicking the floor in frustration. "What is this sorcery?"

"Give me this, you brat." Mona yanks the controller from my hand and sends it flying towards the marble floor. I flinch when it shatters into pieces of black plastic. She sneers at me and settles on the couch behind.

"HOW DARE YOU!" I explode. I can feel my face flush red and my blood boil. She doesn't get time to get up from the plushy couch as I throw myself on her and start pulling her hair with all my might. Although we both are twelve year old twins, we look like perfect enemies.

She is tall and skinny while I am plump and short. Okay maybe a little bit more than plump because my belly is as huge as Jones the grocer. I can't help it though. When I play games, I'm too tired for any exercise. I'd rather eat a slice of pizza and coke.

Mona struggles beneath my body as I try to grip her dark slippery hair with my plump fingers. I give up and move away panting like a dog. Fighting with my sister has become an exercise now.

She starts laughing loudly.

"Thank me later for not hurting you." I snap. She laughs even harder. This is not even funny. I make a disgusted face at her, "Grow up."

Mona never gets in trouble. Mom and Dad think that she's the peace-loving weakling while I am the hungry beast of the house who will devour anything on its way. I sit down beside the broken controller and try to rejoin its parts. My stomach folds into several tires and pops up in my brand new red shirt.

"Fat-ass" Mona snorts. Can she ever give me a break?

Sometimes I think my sister was a cruel pharaoh in Egypt who was killed and wrapped up in those mummy costumes. A thousand years later, she probably escaped and tricked my parents into being their daughter.

I'm glad that mom and dad are out for Christmas shopping although they were a bit reluctant to leave us alone. I realize that the controller is damaged beyond repair and start to shut down the game. The familiar message appears on the LED screen, "Connect your controller".

"Yeah right. Why don't you make me one?" I roll my eyes. I shut down the X-box and eject the C.D. Dad bought me "The alley-waiters" from a garage sale three years ago. No one has ever heard of it and worst of all I can't even find it on the internet. If I lose the game it's gone forever.