"I think the must common cause of insomnia is simple. Its lonliness"
-Heath Ledger
I am the best puppeteer of town, I am still trying to find out if that is a bad thing or a good one. I was born as a powerless hero, filled with this desire of seeing everyone around me smile eventhough that meant for me not to feel that way for really long periods of time. I have been diagnosticed with acute insomnia. At this point, I think no one knows me or my secrets better than 4 am itself. Tonight I am being haunted with this question that everyone asks themselves at any point of their life, "Who am I?". This 3 simple words that, if arranged in different order can simply be the answer to the question itself. One of the things insomnia has taught me is that things are never what they seem, incluiding me. At first I thought I was just a friend. Someone with who you could have a good time and made you realize that you made sense for at least someone in your life, but then secrets and confessions got involved so I got my title as your Shrink. You told me things things only your dreams knew, you told me all of your problems at home and you told me things you didnt even know about you. You trusted me with all of this power which I couldnt handle, so I became your Transfusionist. I dont know if that title actually exists, but when I absorbed all of your problems, secrets and confessions and in exchange gave you my shoulder to cry or my smile to wear, it felt as real as the pain we both felt the day I told you "I love you" eventhough you had a boyfriend. I became you lover apparently, but I was okay with it because I loved you and I couldnt love anyone else. I found perfection in you so I stop looking for it in someone else. I was your doctor, teacher, clown, chef and I was your moon on your insomnia nights. I thought I was all of that for you, and for everyone else, but then you asled me if you should still go out with that guy who I really didnt like at all. Maybe it was because he didnt looked at you the way you deserved to or maybe because he didnt kiss you hoping each one of it was as special as you deserved it to be. In that moment I realized I was actually a puppeteer. All along I had been playing you the way I wanted. I told you what you wanted to hear, I showed you what you wanted to see I even made you feel the way you had never felt before. Every movement I did affected you and influenced you so I dont know if that was for good or not, but what I did loved was this feeling of power. This feeling of actually knowing you are important for someone's life, so I brought home more broken puppets, fixed them and started to play with. I felt good with myself, I convinced myself I was a hero, but I forgot I couldn't fly or lift buses or grow more hands. I was overflowed with cryies for help. I forgot that I saw you as a game, but you all saw me as someone who could save you at any time. You all said you loved me, but you all loved the hand that controlled you, not my whole body. It was so much that I started to tangle the strings so I decided to cut your strings thinking I was setting you free just to realize that I was letting you fall. Everything I promised you I would never do was done with the beauty and elegancy of cutting your last string. I promised that I tried to pick you up, but every time I tried to get down to help you, I was pulled up by my own strings.
