Musings of a Motorcycle-Riding Girl (Freedom Planet Fanfiction)

Ch.3: How do I pick pockets?

My birthday was my favorite time of the year, next to summer break.

I would spend the night before writing up invitations to my friends, plus some kids we were sort of friendly with, then hand them out when we were either at the park or just after a movie. Then my dad would pick me up and I'd spend the rest of the day helping my parents prep the party. Then after everything was done, I sat back and had fun with everyone, eating cake and basking in the realization that I was one year older. That was fun.

You know what I was doing for my 10th birthday? I was learning how to be a criminal, and beginner's luck was not on my side.

Being a criminal is surprisingly hard. All the bad guys on TV and the movies were always talking about how crime was easier than making an honest living. They were right, actually. But one thing they left out when they were monologuing to the hero instead of just beating him up was this: there is no '5 simple steps to picking someone's pocket' or 'how to get over a guilty conscience after 9 years of your parents telling you not to break the law'. Nobody tells you how to actually get started on being a bad guy.

So I had stuck my hand down some guy's pocket, feeling around for a wallet or phone. And as luck would have it, I managed to lift the wallet of a very influential and very big businessman used to being targeted by ne'er-do-wells. And of course I got caught.

He lifted me by the hand---his grip was strong and hurt a lot---and he was glaring at me.

"You worthless piece of scum. Do you even know who I am?"

"Help! He's trying to kill me!"

Which wasn't very convincing, since I had his wallet in his hand.

He leered at me. "A likely story. Tell it to the magistrate and see who they believe." He reached into his pocket for what I was sure was his phone. That might have been a great way to start off my birthday; get locked up in prison for my first act as a bad guy.

I decided that since I was already committed, I might as well go all the way.

I bit down on his hand really hard. Perks of being a wildcat; we just so happen to have sharp teeth.

He screamed in pain and reflexively relaxed his grip. I slipped his grip and landed hard on the ground, making sure to grab his phone on the way down. I ran away while he was yelling "Stop! Thief!" until he was out of earshot and my legs were burning.

I think I should've been caught by the passerby, but they were painfully slow to react. Contrary to popular belief, a good chunk of people have most definitely not seen it all before and instinctively know what to do when a thief slips someone's grip and runs away.

Satisfied that I was too far away to follow, I turned into an alley, set the phone aside and checked the wallet.

Surprisingly, there was no money inside, only a mass of credit cards. I groaned; I had never handled credit cards in my life before, and I really expected someone so obviously loaded to have a million bucks in their wallet.

I checked the phone; a wallpaper of some big business, and a passcode prompt. I had the weird feeling that if I tried to sell the phone, I'd get arrested on the spot. So I did the next best thing. I shoved the phone and wallet into my shorts. I then went hunting for an ATM.

I found one three blocks west and could barely contain my excitement. I swiped a random card, and to my surprise, I didn't have to punch in a passcode. That was the only sign I got that something was up, but the thought of a big payout kicked all reason to the curb. I pressed the button for withdrawing funds. The amount of money was staggering; eleventy billion on one credit card. Way more money than I knew what to do with. I pressed the button to withdraw all funds.

"Are you sure?" The ATM spat out at me.

I impatiently pressed yes.

The ATM, instead of spitting out a metric ton of dollar bills like I expected, spat out a message that said "Authorities alerted". I had one second to comprehend what was happening before the ATM sounded an alarm.

I yelped, and nearly broke out into a blind run before I had a moment of clarity.

I took the phone and wallet and dumped them into a sewer drain, then panicked and took off at a blind run. I must have ran for 10 blocks before I was exhausted. I went into an alley, rested for about 5 minutes, and then started facepalming myself.

I wouldn't know until much later that the guy whose stuff I lifted went to the trouble of paying off people to make a whole bunch of fake credit cards. The fake cards worked with every ATM in Avalice and were designed to lull thieves into a false sense of security before dropping the hammer on them. And to top it off, he walked around with 9 wallets, 8 of which had only fake cards.

Whoever said cats were a lucky charm was a dirty liar.