Black and White

Chapter 27

Oliver

I was sleepy all day, so I had only a vague idea what the teachers were talking about during the lessons. Today was the deadline for the literary contest, so I had to finish Eksjö Syndrome last night, and I also had to return Bird Box to the library because someone was waiting for the book - which meant that after sending Eksjö Syndrome, I stayed up until three a.m. to finish the book.

Honestly, first I wasn't even sure I wanted to read it so much, but after fifty or so pages I realized this story was amazing, probably one of the best books I have ever read. It had a very dark atmosphere, and the writing was very straightforward, though it seemed to skip the parts that would have let us know what the characters were feeling. Two of them had a very close relationship, and I expected them to at least say or do something about it after a while, and I felt a strange hollowness when the book ended and there was still no sign, no clear statement about what happened between them.

As if nothing happened at all.

Well, I could say I was thankful the book kept me busy so I didn't have time to think about Mr Morton and his messages, but those two characters' relationship actually reminded me of ours, as non-existing and hopeless as it was. I was lucky that after finishing the book I was so tired I basically fainted. When a few hours later the alarm clock woke me up, I felt an inconquerable urge to throw it to the other end of the room, but then I just rolled onto my back and stared at the ceiling for a while.

I was not as miserable as I seemed, I kept telling myself. These feelings I tried to fight down were just temporary, and after a few days I will barely remember Mr Morton. And he can have a normal life, just as he wished, and with whoever he wanted to.

I suffered the whole day from not being able to completely believe it. Elle promised to pick me up after the period ended, but first I had to go to the library, which seemed a good idea, something that could possibly turn my attention away from him.

I returned Bird Box, and decided to look for another book. Or a few other books.

First I checked the New Releases shelves, hoping to find something less dark than my last reads, and there was a book that caught my eyes immediately. It had a strange cover: it showed a forest and a figure that looked like a monster, but we could only see the back of it. I read the description and it turned out the book was actually about trolls, and was written by a Swedish writer. I had no idea how to pronounce his name - it was Stefan Spjut, but after struggling for a while to figure out how I should pronounce the "s" I decided to let it go. I couldn't think of any other Swedish writer I read before, and the plot seemed interesting, so I decided to give it a try.

I walked to the sci-fi shelves, which was in the other end of the library. I loved this place because usually nobody else was around, and the place was like a small living room with tables and armchairs, well-hidden by dozens of shelves. I still remembered how surprised I had been a few years ago when I had found out the library bought most of the sci-fi new releases, even the hard sci-fi books that only a few people read. I picked up books by authors like Hannu Rajaniemi and Paolo Bacigalupi thanks to this library (and the sci-fi fan librarian or librarians who bought these kind of books), so after a while it became my favorite place.

I was wandering around among the shelves with Stallo by Stefan Spjut in my hand, randomly reading the plots of books, but surprisingly I didn't find anything else I wanted to read. I almost gave up when I heard a conversation, and even though I couldn't make out the words, I was surprised someone was here except me.

I stopped, and listened for a while, considering what I should do. I could have continued searching for a book, but it felt strange that someone broke into my "private space", because the main thing I loved about being here was being alone, not disturbed by anyone.