If my heart can speak

For my Girls

This calls for a momentary pause in my life

A shame that it takes so much pain to realize

Is there a chance that you might change your mind?

Be back on things we left behind?

I have fallen so deep and have thrown my other pieces

Now fragments of me left me broken

I left people I once call my own, my other half...

How can I be so naive and so blinded of love?

Can you help me put on new eyes?

To see you not as an option or a companion

But be kept grounded on people who love me for me...

For better or worse, accept me with all honesty...

I never really had the courage to explain

To stop the increasing amount of pain

I felt myself caught in the middle of it all

I thought she would always make me feel whole

The lies I made to gratify myself and lose you

Led me nowhere but down on my knees before you

I want to restore my life, for things to go back

Though I know this time, I could not afford the luck...

Eonee, you are right about my insecurities...

That I am feeling so much more than what I should feel

I keep on searching for a feeling that would complete me

I did not heed your warning on my vulnerability

We used to laugh and cry, share things like no other

Now, I am left to swallow the repercussions

The choices I made to keep my silence, move away

Now, I am down; asking if you would like to stay...

A different direction that my heart led me

Far from the people that have always shown more

I lived behind her shadow, not wanting to be free...

Not wanting to live on my own but under her mercy...

I watched every episode of my life that I missed

Here I am, left with nothing in between...

You are my dearest, and I feel empty...

She has to dump me before I face my reality...

Raiza, I know how words can leave you in agony

Words that were spoken can never be replaced

I thought I am strong enough to endure those words

And let my pride go overboard...

I don't want to be judged by my decisions and actions

That I did not contemplate for logical reasons

You trust me with my discernment on things but I failed

I became so lost in her...

Driving my defences the wrong way left scars

I bruised easily but I keep on going back to her

I pretended that every vulgar word will not break me

I let her tear me apart completely...

Forgive me girls for I have gone against "us"...

So attached with a fairy tale story that didn't last...

I don't know what to do to have you back again

I am so afraid to call it an obvious end...

A miner looking for treasures that have been buried

Hoping to bring home an ancient history...

You built a part of my life that I keep on going back to

College days, licensure exam, reunions and hangouts

When I found myself standing against most people

You pulled me up and say I am not worth the fall...

I never wanted anything or anyone more than your presence

Then I met her and my obsession lost real love's essence...

What is true love? Is it giving so much?

Until you have nothing more to give?

Until you get to savour in your own bitter pills

And wait until your emotions start to kill

Losing her is so excruciating but knowing

That I am losing me brings more suffering...

It is the time to reconnect with my old soul...

And relive the lost friendship call....